


The Skeletons and the NOT Pot Dealer

by NihilismPastry



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dusttale, Alternate Universe - Horrortale, Alternate Universe - Swapfell, Alternate Universe - Underfell, Eventual Romance, F/M, Six Skeletons and One Maid inspired, Skeletons are Homocidal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2018-11-28 13:28:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 56,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11418924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NihilismPastry/pseuds/NihilismPastry
Summary: You don't sell pot, you tried explaining this to the skeleton monster, but he didn't seem to care as he pushed you off on his more homicidal family members to...'mellow out'. Whatever that meant.





	1. Marijuana Does That, But I Don't...

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Skeleton Squatters and the Landlady](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9816140) by [Tyrant_Tortoise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyrant_Tortoise/pseuds/Tyrant_Tortoise). 



> Oh gosh, I'm doing this, I can't believe I'm doing this. Go thank Whoawicked for killing my anxiety long enough to even contemplate making this...thing.
> 
> This piece of...something, is largely inspired by Skeleton Squatters and the Land Lady by Tyrant_Tortoise. In turn their work was inspired by Six Skeletons and One Maid by the lovely RaccoonSinQueen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's our leading skeletons. 
> 
> Undertale Sans- Called goody-two shoes, idiot, self righteous, ect by the others. No actual nick name though.
> 
> Undertale Papyrus- No actual nick name.
> 
> Underfell Sans-Red
> 
> Underfell Papyrus-Edge
> 
> Swapfell Sans-Blackberry/Black for short.
> 
> Swapfell Papyrus-Mutt
> 
> Horrortale Sans-Axe
> 
> Horrortale Papyrus-Jaws
> 
> Dusstale Sans-Addict

You stared at your phone for a moment, before looking back up at the house. It wasn't a mansion, you'd seen enough celebrity reality tv show to know, but it wasn't a 'house' either. It was a healthy middle, something that the upper middle class could live comfortably in, but the rich would probably consider it some kind of garage to park their cars. But it wasn't the size that had thrown you in for a loop, it was the...Could you even call it style? You were sure cracked columns, a broken window, and a front door that looked like it had seen a fire wasn't style, it was all damage. You turned your data on, and refreshed the email, but got the same exact address as the one on the bent and dented mailbox. You sighed and got off your bike, and began rolling it up the brick pathway, being careful not to run over any of the violets that flanked both sides of the path. The flowers were drooping, and the leaves were an off brown, probably thanks to a lack of watering and good soil. Was that a shard of glass sticking out of a tree?

Your thoughts, and body, came to a stop as the door flew open and a skeleton monster stood on the porch. Your fingers squeezed the handlebars of your bike a little harder, and you fought to keep...well, you didn't know if you should even call it eye contact. Monsters had come to the surface two years ago, and they were a mixed bunch that could either get easily offended, would literally eat your face, or were the most jolly people you could find. Even though this one was smiling, had a relaxed stance, and the white eye lights weren't the least bit accusatory, you still didn't want to tick off your potential employer. You swallowed and carefully parked your bike next to an oak tree, kicking the kickstand into position. "Um, hi. Are you Sans Skeleton?" You continued when he gave you a nod. "I read about your ad in the paper, we talked on the phone earlier when I got lost-"

"you're the pot dealer?"

"Um..." You kept your smile in place, your fingers flexing and twisting as you processed his words, the ability to pop them already gone for the day. Good lord, you were seriously having to do this again? No, you weren't a pot dealer, you were an herbalist. HERB. A. LIST. You didn't grow pot, nor did you sell the stuff, the things in your garden had better effects than that crummy herb anyway. You had biked half way across town to get here, and this guy thought you were some pot dealer! You'd wasted your time, time that could have been poured into playing Skyrim, sleeping, or writing out a shitty fanfic involving steamy love making scenes to fill the void in your very stagnant sex life! But no, you were here, smiling dumbly at a skeleton, who wanted some dank kush. You kept up your impression of an underpaid Starbucks employee, as you fiddled with your bike, trying to get the stupid kickstand to go back up. "N-never mind, I think I got the wrong place."

"674 juniper lane?"

"Yeah..."

"it's the right place." He shut his door, before making his way down the brick steps, hands entrenched in the pockets of his blue hoody. Oh god, he was confronting you now. "there a problem?"

"Uh..." Great, now he probably thought it was because he was a monster, not because you weren't a fucking pot dealer. "Kinda. It's not really a problem, but more of a misunderstanding. N-not because you're a monster or something," You said quickly when you noticed his...Wait, did he raise an eyebrow? Bone brow? Did the mushrooms in your eggs come from the grocery store or your friend's 'Wonderland Stash'. "but because you think I'm something that I'm not." Great, you started it, might as well finish it. "I'm not a pot dealer. I don't sell it, don't smoke it, and I certainly don't grow it! I know most people confuse herbalists for drug dealers, but-"

"kid, relax and slow down." You paused mid rant, more words built up and ready to be launched in your tirade. The skeleton gestured to your phone, still clutched in your left hand. "i'd read somewhere that pot could relax a person. ya know, mellow 'em out. i'd give 'em some human meds, but uh..." He shrugged. "we don't really got the _stomach_ for it."

Was that a pun? A skeleton with a sense of humor, great. At least he wasn't a spooky scary skeleton, Outlast was enough nightmare fuel. 

"anyway," He said. "i just thought all human herbalist sold them, that's what the site said."

"Well, some do, but some don't." You shrugged, hands still clutching your bike, ready to bail and go drink your sorrows away with some iced coffee. "It brings in some coin, but it's actually illegal here in Georgia. I mean, you honestly didn't think you could contact a drug dealer on a normal website, dd you?"

He just shrugged, the movement exaggerated, making him look even smaller than he already did. "guess i didn't think of that. wanted something illegal underground, you just looked it up and kept quiet about it."

"That's not how it works up here."

"got it."

But all he needed was something to calm 'them' down? He didn't have to go straight to the illegal stuff. There was chamomile, lemon balm, lavender, valerian....There were so many legal options to choose from, and you could brew a batch of any kind of tea or tincture he could think to ask. Of course, meeting 'them' would be helpful, you could get a good idea on what dosages and the like you would need to make. Oh no, were you really thinking about helping this guy? You looked him up and down. He was shorter than you, barely hitting the 5'3 mark, and looked like he had a bit of a tummy. Harmless in the long run, honestly. And if anyone could afford a house on Juniper Lane, then clearly he had to have a little cash somewhere. Oh no, it was beginning to look like a good idea. Don't do it, don't do, don't do it-"What if I gave you things to relax that wasn't pot?" 

"hm?"

Great, you did it.

"There's lots of herbs that could help, but they're also legal." You began tapping at your phone, bringing up a picture of your tiny patio garden, before holding it up for the skeleton to look at. "I could brew plenty of teas."

"that's a good idea, but not nearly enough," He tapped the picture of your chocolate mint. "these aren't grown by vegatoids or other farming monsters, so we'll need a hell of a strong dosage to actually take effect and metabolize with our bodies."

"That's fine, I can order more plants." Your bedroom only had your bed, your TV, and game systems. You could put some pots in there, and a few more in your kitchen. You could charge a little more since it would take more work. "It'll take a bit longer to get the teas made, but it'll be fine." You slipped your phone into your pocket. "So um, is it okay if I meet the people needing the teas? It'll help me figure out exactly what herbs I need to mix, and how strong each one should be." You were worried about the ones who needed a normal 'strong' dose, would they need an entire plant and a twenty four hour steeping time?

That would probably kill a normal person.

You didn't want to go to jail, you were too far in Dark Souls. 

"eh, you sure about that, kid?" The white eye lights in his sockets had shrinked somewhat, it was hardly noticeable, but clearly different. Not that you had been staring! No, it was polite to look someone in the eye when speaking to them...Plus, it was probably the least creepy part about your new employer. His face moved, his mouth didn't open when he talked, and you were almost afraid to see his hands. His eye lights were honestly like running the downhill part of a race, it was painful, but it wasn't as bad as going uphill. "the others aren't exactly fans of humans."

"If I don't interact with them, I won't know a proper dose." You said. "I'm no doctor, but I've got the basics of my craft."

He glanced from you, back to the house, before he gave a lo sigh, and turned on his slippered heel. "alright, follow me."

* * *

The interior of the house wasn't as bad as the exterior. The walls were all painted a dark red, and the floors were a dark brown wood that looked like they belonged in an old European tavern. You noticed all the lights were bare bulbed, and there wasn't a ceiling fan in the living room. Sans went over to a couch that was next to the broken window, and took off the cushions, examining the bottom of it. "clear."

He put the cushions back, and gestured for you to sit down. You smoothed out your skirt, before carefully sitting down, almost afraid to do so now that the thing was practically bomb checked. Sans left the room, an up a staircase to the next floor. You watched him enter a door covered with stickers from between the railing in the balcony, you caught a glimpse of red and black, before the door shut behind him. You flexed your hands, the digits getting tangled up in the silky material of your skirt, your mid drifting back to your phone. Would he find t rude if you were playing a dating sim while waiting? There was one lady who had found it rude for your to simply make sure you were talking about the right herb, and an elderly man had thought you were calling the police on him. Then there was some other unsavory people who once again thought you were a pot dealer...

Nope, staying here, bored out of your mind, was probably a safer bet. 

A dull, rhythmic clicking sound caught your attention. You frowned and looked around the room, finding nothing in the chair across from you, or from the opening in the kitchen. You eased back into your place, just to scream and back away to the other side of the couch, when you caught sight of someone hanging out of the window. Well, you were sure they were a someone, and not a Halloween prop. The person in question was a skeleton, a massive gash in his skull, and a single red pupil staring at you. He had his skull in his palm, three fingers hooked into the empty socket, and fingers drumming against the window sill. "pretty shitty way to greet someone."

"I-I'm sorry," You said, hand going up to your chest. You honestly thought your heart had exploded, and flopped onto the floor. "You scared me."

"obviously." He continued drumming his fingers, though you saw his smile twitch at the edges. "ain't often the goody two-shoes brings in new blood, or anything with blood at all." He said. "so what're you doin' here, human? got a death wish? cause it's your lucky day, i'm your dream skeleton, can make all your wishes come true."

"..."

No, this was a bad idea. Judge books by their covers, judge creepy haunted looking houses by their exteriors, and judge evil looking skeletons by their looks. "I-I'm just waiting on Sans. I'm supposed to meet the people he wants tea brewed for."

The fingers stopped drumming for a moment, and the swollen pupil grew in his socket, almost taking up the entire empty space, before it closed altogether as he laughed. It sounded more akin to a cough, and you wondered if he was actually sick in body and mind. "so he's actually gonna try an' fix us. gotta hand it to 'im, he's pretty persistent."

You slowly began pushing yourself off the couch, and backing away from the window, praying the skeleton would continue rambling to himself so you could get away and out the door. However, a sharp pain slammed against your skull, and you screamed, pain erupting along your nerves. "stop bringing your meals into the house, eyeball." Your head was wrenched back, and you were once again looking at a skeleton, this one had a hood over its head, but you could see a Christmas colored eye lights staring down at you from both sockets. "look at her, you didn't even get a forgettable one."

"ain't mine, she's the goody two-shoes'."

The blank expression on the skeleton's face was marred by the eye lights shrinking, and the smile drooping down at the edges. "that right?"

The skeleton pushed you forward, until your knees hit the couch. You yelped and fell forward, the skeleton pinning you down with his legs on both sides of your body. Great, this was how you were gonna die. You weren't going to travel the world, get that degree you always promised your grandmother, or finish that pint of ice cream in the freezer. Your entire life was going down the toilet, and it was all thanks to some idiot confusing you for a pot dealer. You felt something hard and warm caress your face, and your head was wrenched from out of the cushions, your gaze fixed on the broken skeleton from earlier. Half of his body was in the window now, leaning against the couch, three fingers still stuck in his empty socket. "now don't go cryin', this ain't gonna hurt a bit." 

"you're a horrible liar." The monotone skeleton said, the stiff fingers twisted around your hair, pulling it taunt from the root. You grit your teeth, the ability to scream pretty much gone anyway thanks to how scared you were. How hadn't you pissed yourself yet? "it's gonna hurt like hell, your body's probably gonna keep wriggling when we're done with ya." The fingers pulled away, as did the body pinning you down. 

You shut your eyes, and wished you had cleared your browser history before coming here, hoping your family would still deal with your remains after they saw what was on your computer and phone. 

 


	2. I'll Need Pot After...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting your clients...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore Level: None
> 
> This is the true start of the cluster fuck, when she meets the guys.

You cracked an eye open when you didn't feel your head get lopped off. Could you feel something like that happen? A scientist during the French Revolution was so sure humans continued to live a few moments after death, that he willingly got executed via guillotine. After his head rolled off, he blinked his eyes a set number of times just to prove he was, in fact, alive. But you weren't a crazy scientist, you were just a simple herbalist who wanted to go home at this point. Maybe go lock all your doors and windows, get into a cuddle pile with your blankets, and just fall asleep forever. Well, until you could go pick up your copy of Far Cry 5, or another Steam sale happened. 

You carefully looked up, just to see the scarier skeleton fully on the couch now, his hands inches from you. A quick glance behind you showed the other skeleton had gotten off, and that another one had joined the mix. He was tall, breaching past eight feet tall with those well worn boots, his snaggle teeth doing something between a smile and a frown, you couldn't tell, his teeth were just too far gone. It seemed to mess with his voice too, it sounded muffled, even though this skeleton could clearly open his mouth a few inches. He put his hands on his hips, the thin bones looking more like creepy crawly spiders settled against his short shorts. "WhY dO yOu BoTh HaVe A hUmAn? DiDn'T sAnS sAy We CoUlDn'T hAVe StRaNgErS oVeR?"

"it's the goody-two shoes' meatbun." He said, poking your side, his finger sinking through the first few layers of fat and muscle. Seriously, a skeleton was making fun of your weight? They didn't have skin, muscle, and fat. You didn't go around saying he looked god awful with a giant black hole in his head, did you? "said she's gonna help us out."

The tiny eye lights in the skeleton's sockets widened, and he bounded over to you, ripping you off the couch, and into his arms. You grunted as your face was shoved into his shirt, and your jaw hit against his ribs. You shut your eyes, but relaxed and opened them again, craning your head up when the giant began to pet your hair like a puppy. "I'm So gLaD wE HaVe A hUmAn FrIeNd NoW! MoSt HuMaNs ArE vErY ScArEd Of Us, BuT yOu HaVeN't RaN aWaY sCrEaMiNg."

Yet. You haven't run away screaming,  _yet_. 

He looked down at the other two skeletons, and you followed his gaze, the one with the hood up had been silent the entire time, his teeth grinding against each other, his gaze pointedly staring at a wall. The other skeleton had his fingers hooked back into his eyes socket and was tugging at it, and he was now drumming his fingers against the couch, the noise dampened thanks to the shitty material. "I'm So PrOuD oF yOu TwO!"

"..."

"heh, thanks, bro."

You damn near jumped when you heard a door slam open, and a voice screamed at the top of its lungs, it sounded like a teenage boy. "I ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, INFINETLY TO THE SECOND POWER, REFUSE!"

"math doesn't work that way"

"SHUT UP, PAPY!"

You could see two skeletons coming down the stairs now. One had a vape pen between his teeth, and one of his hands was stuffed into the pocket of a maple brown parka, the sleeves rolled up all the way to his elbows. He stopped on the second to last step, his empty sockets foxed on you. Good god, where were his eye lights? Eyes were the most expressive part of the face, _and his were gone_!  Well, he was a skeleton so he had no eyes, but even the illusion of eyes would have made him less creepy! Even the skeleton currently holding you like a doll would've been better than this walking talking eyeless wonder. The other skeleton was a bit easier to look at, he was shorter than his companion, but at least he had eyes, even if they were a bright blue with gold pupils. He kicked at the furniture as he made his way over to you, scuffing up his violet boots.

Jeeze, you were sure that was a crime, those boots looked like they came from a Gucci line. 

He paused in front of the both of you, his sockets narrowing. "SO YOU'RE THE HUMAN THAT THINKS YOU CAN 'FIX'," He made air quotes with gloved hands. "US? MAKE US MORE LIKE THE IDIOT DUO?"

"Do I have to answer that?"

You huffed as the air was taken out of your lungs, and you were forcefully moved away from this new skeleton's gaze as the scary skeleton hugged you close, while also repositioning himself. "Of CoUrSe NoT, mS. hUmAn, No OnE lIsTeNs To BlAcKbErRy AnYwAy. MeAn AnD rUdE nEvEr GeTs AnY aTtEnTiOn."

"I'M NOT MEAN, YOU'RE JUST TOO NICE!"

"IcE? We wErEn'T tAlKiNg AbOuT iCe."

"GHAAAH! FREAK, TRANSLATE FOR YOUR BROTHER."

"what's that, you hear something, pap?"

You swung your legs as the argument continued, now more or less comfortable laying on your captor's shoulder. He was actually pretty comfortable, even if he did smell like marinara sauce and metal. Even though his bones were certainly poking your sides and tits, you liked nuzzling into the red scarf tied around his neck. It was like a very floofy pillow. You yawned, eyes shutting for a brief moment, before they opened again.

You were now staring at the eye lightless skeleton. He was hell of a lot closer now, his vape pen between two long fingers that were clothed in those stupid skater half glove things. If you weren't so scared, you would have laughed at his sense of style, it was obvious he was trying pretty hard to look cool and suave. "U-uh..."

_And then smoke started curling out of his fucking sockets._

It wasn't even just shorts wisps, it was full on billows that looked like they came from the very depths of hell. Add his smile, and that stupid chuckling that was coming out of him, well you had to admit your scream was warranted. This seemed to spook your captor, however, as you were dropped right on your ass. You didn't even give yourself time to react to the bruise on your ass as you crawled backwards, your skirt all amiss, more than likely showing off your thong. Well fuck it, they could have a show while you got the hell out of this haunted mansion!

 You squeaked when you bumped into something sharp, and you tilted your head back. Oh great, another fucking skeleton. This one looked like he raided a Hot Topic during a Dead Rising mission. Just like 'Blackberry', he had some gorgeous boots, but you were more happy that he had eye lights in his skull. They were small, but they were a faint red, reminding you of tiny laser pointers used in schools. "WHY IS THERE A HUMAN LITTERING THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR."

"sans' idea." Another voice volunteered, this one was gruff with a light scratch to it. You didn't see the supplier, so you guessed he was upstairs. " he's in there talkin' ta papyrus 'bout it right now. got's to make it official and's all that."

You began clawing at the gloved hand that grabbed you by the collar of your shirt, and jerked you up, putting you at level with this skeleton. He had to be just a few inches shorter than the snaggle toothed one that had been cradling you earlier. He looked you up and down, before scoffing and dropping you back onto the ground, your head hitting his head, irritating the lump that was already there. You whined your protest, but no one seemed to care as the blue eyed skeleton pounced on you. 

Literally.

He straddled your waist, and pinned your wrists above your head with one hand, while pinching your cheek with the other. "THERE'S NO WAY THIS WEAKLING CAN DO ANYTHING TO US." He declared, stretching your cheek like an old grandma. "TOO SOFT AND SQUISHY. I COULD RIP HER FACE OFF!"

"torture's a waste of time," It was the first time the monotone skeleton had bothered to speak in awhile. He had moved over to a corner, keeping out of the others' way. "easier to win the fight and collect the EXP, than just draggin' it out."

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, YOU ADDICT!" You squirmed under him as he clamped down harder on your cheek, his bones poking too deeply into your thighs. "THE ILLUSTRIOUS SA-BLACKBERRY HAS MADE PLENTY OF VICTORIES WHILE INDUCING TORTURE!"

"coulda fooled me." 

The skeleton whipped his head around, and you made a point of looking at anything but the smoking skeleton's face. "PAPYRUS, DON'T TELL THEM THAT!"

"why not?"

Suddenly everyone became quiet as a door opened, and you had to arch your back and strain against the skeleton on top of you to see what was going on. Sans walked down the stairs, hands still in his hoody pockets, and eye lights sweeping across the room. Two skeletons followed behind him, one that had a bright smile and dim eye lights in his sockets, a cape waving against his shoulders, and mittens that looked fit for a winter day instead of a summer day that demanded a soak in the pool. The other skeleton looked even worse, with his thick black jacket, though you were happy to see he single red eye light peered out of his skull, this one sparking against the side of his skull like a messed up motor. You wondered if all the skeletons were just messed up in some way, and that was why they were all under the misconception you were here to 'fix them'. 

You felt the weight crawl off of you, though 'Blackberry' settled down next to you, legs pushed under him. Sans sighed when he finally stood in the middle of the room, his gaze finally meeting yours. "guess it looks like ya met them." He said, ignoring the snort from the couch. "so what do ya recommend?"

"A fucking exorcist."

* * *

 

Apparently you were going to be that exorcist. Well, not an actual exorcist, more like a spiritual one. Wait, that didn't make any sense either. Basically, you were going to make the skeletons their tea. Why were you going to give a bunch of crazy skeletons tea, you may ask? Well it's a funny story, and it involved a very funny tactic that made you regret most of your life decisions. You see, Sans had offered you a blank check. At first you had said a crazy, random number that would quickly get you rejected and put back on your bike, and to freedom. But when he actually wrote down the numbers and handed it to you, and then said there would be more where that came from...

Well, safe to say you were going to make them teas. You never had to see their faces ever again, you could just send the tea, and ask about their mental states every once in awhile to see if you needed to up or lower the dosage. And with five thousand dollars in your pocket, who were you to refuse such a simple job? You sighed as you parked your bike, and hopped off, before kneeling down and attaching your wheel to the lock. You weren't too concerned about people stealing the old thing, you could get yourself a nice one with a decent kick stand now! You brushed off your skirt and strolled up to the small cafe. It was one of those new places that monsters had built in their time on the surface, it was a brick building with a pink sign with bright blue stripes that said _Ice Cream Fundae_. You strolled into the shop, a silver bell alerting a blue rabbit monster of your presence. "Good afternoon, ma'am! What can I get for you today?"

You licked your lips and went up to the counter. Through the glass you could see twenty different flavors, all of them various shades of blue, green, brown, yellow, and red. In the counter next to it, where a red headed human was, you saw an array of jars filled with nuts, colorful candies, sprinkles, jugs of caramel and fudge, and even a tub of bright pink cotton candy. You tapped the glass. "Just some vanilla please, I'd like a sundae in a waffle bowl?"

"Of course, coming right up!" He slid the counter open, and dipped a green ice cream scoop into a bin full of hard white ice cream. "Darla, can you get the waffle bowl?" He'd barely finished talking before the red head sat one next to him. He thanked her, and put two generous scoops into the small bowl, before handing it over to 'Darla'. You followed her to the next counter, ignoring the clatter of plastic against glass, and began picking out all sorts of sweets to put on your ice cream. Good grief, this was like heaven after that time at that haunted mansion, you really did deserve this treat. "Ma'am, if you don't mind me asking...?"

You glanced over to the rabbit, his eyebrows were furrowed as he looked at you. "Yeah?"

" Ma'am you do realize your skirt is..."

You raised an eyebrow and glanced down at your skirt. It looked fine, a bit wrinkled sure, but there wasn't anything wrong with it. You looked over to Darla, who had a hand to her mouth, and her face was becoming redder than her hair. "Babe, you should've said something when she came into the store!"

The rabbit went around the counter, hands raised up as if pacifying a tiger, before carefully bending down, and pulling at your skirt...

Oh.

You felt your face become warm, and you jerked your skirt out the rest of the way. No wonder you hadn't felt like you were baking in a sauna on the way here, you had chalked it up to the sun finally going down. You continued smoothing out your skirt, and walked backwards out of the store, pushing on the door, and making your way outside. Nope, no more death defying adventures for you. It was time to go back to your room and never come out again. Maybe even hide under your bed for good measure, no one would bother to look for you there-

"dammit." You twisted around, your already warm face becoming warmer, apologies on your tongue. But they stopped as you stared down at a skeleton, another fucking skeleton, this one your fucking employer. "didn't expect that to hurt."

"Are you stalking me now!"

"uh, no." He fished something out of his pocket, his face dusting a pale blue as he uncurled his hand. "thought ya might want these back-"

"The fuck even is this!" You snatched away the lacy blue thong, your brain barely even processing things anymore. What was things? What was life? Could you eat it? "How did you get my underwear? What the hell is wrong with all of you? Where's the cops?"

"calm down. calm down." He shoved his hand in his pocket. "jaws ended up takin' them by accident. he's got sticky phalanges." Oh god, you hoped he wasn't implying something. You would remember being fingered by a skeleton, then again, you would also remember getting your thong stolen too. "anyway, i wanna thank you. most people wouldn't have given them the time of day, even with all the money." He said. "so thanks for being a greedy human being."

Wow, back handed compliment, this guy must be a hit at parties. You jerked the handlebars of your bike, getting a disturbing sense of deja vu as you mounted it. "Uh huh, I'm gonna go now." You tried to peddle backwards, but the bike stayed in position. You were practically sweating at this point, your cheeks hurting from the smile you had forced on yourself. Oh god, why weren't you moving?

"you gotta undo the lock."

"Oh..."

Why were you so stupid?

You clambered down, not meeting the skeleton's gaze, before unlocking your lock, and tossing it into the bike basket. You then got back on the bike, and back peddled, trying to get away from this place, and especially your employer, as fast as possible. But that was not to be, because you back peddled too fast, and your bike decided it wanted to be an awesome X-Games bike instead of cheap Sunday ride device, and pop a fucking wheelie of all things, before falling backwards completely. 

And that was how you made your debut as a pussy model. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this a thing? I dunno, I just got this thing rolling and I had to post it. I hope you guys enjoyed it, even if it's a bit dialogue heavy. I hate writing too much dialogue, blame my teachers for that one. Also, I know it's not organized meeting these guys, but I feel like it shouldn't be? Meeting people in their own home, especially insane guys like these, would be messy. There will be a better introduction chapter later...I think.
> 
> Know what doesn't think? My tumblr! http://nihilismpastry.tumblr.com/


	3. I Must Have Been High When...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You agreed to a change in your contract...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore Level: None
> 
> But it's a depressing chapter anyway.

You didn't leave your room for a solid day. Not that anyone came to check up on you, but it was still nice to know that you were avoiding society. Your employer didn't call, your family's calls went straight to voicemail, and you only answered messages from people who wanted to try and recreate scenes from the Overwatch animations. Yes, those twenty-four hours were both the most relaxing and disappointing hours in your life. So when you were finally forced to emerge, you stared down at the cluster of brightly painted pots sitting on your patio, hands on your hips, and a popsicle dangling from your lips. 

There wasn't enough.

Even if you ordered more plants, there just wasn't enough space to keep them all. Sans had said they would need a crazy strong dose just to feel it, but that meant they needed a nuclear version if they wanted proper effects. And after that little show from yesterday...well, they needed a metric fuck ton of the stuff. And there was no way your tiny apartment in downtown Ebottburg would be able to accommodate such a hefty order. Besides, you were sure that the old man who ran the place would start nosing around again, and ask you to start selling your 'magic brownies' on the street corner to kids again...

You sighed and popped the Popsicle out of your mouth, and proceeded to lick at it like a normal person, while you fished your phone out of your skirt pocket. What you needed was a place to actually plant the plants. Like a giant green house or something. You'd always thought about investing in one, but they were all so expensive in the city, and needed far too many permits. Keeping your garden tiny and pot regulated, not that kind idiot, was far easier. You scanned the many phone numbers in the directory you pulled up, but the price ranges were too high, even for rentals. Getting out of this job entirely was becoming more and more tangible at this point. You weren't sure if you should be singing hymns, or cry about your lack of funds. "At least I didn't spend the money."

You hadn't even went to go deposit it, but the skeleton didn't need to know that. 

You clicked out of your browser, and went to a solitary number that said employer. You stared at the numbers on the small LED screen, your thumb poised over the call button. Would it be wise to call now? Maybe you should wait a week, maybe he would forget what your thong, and ass and pussy, looked like. You held your popsicle with your lips again, and smoothed your skirt. You had jumped into the shower and shaved the minute you got through the door. You had worn the thong because there was nothing else in your laundry, not because you wanted to be sexy and bangable, he probably thought there was a monster attached to your crotch. 

Fuuuuuck....

You slipped your phone back in your pocket, and took a savage bite out of your treat, part of it falling to the floor and melting onto the cracked concrete. You'd probably regret that when you had ants biting your toes later, but for now you were too lazy to clean it up. You turned on your heel and went back into the house, shutting the door behind you. As you made your way through the tiny kitchen, you tossed the plastic popsicle stick into the sink. Yup, that was just begging to get the attention from the hot handyman that lived three doors down. You'd have to remember to push it down the drain later. 

You tossed yourself onto the couch, one leg tossed over the arm, the other dangling on the floor. You stared blankly at the wall for a few moments, pictures of you and various family members staring back. The ones on your coffee table looked particularly accusatory today, demanding you get a normal job, one that didn't require you to call for help every couple of months. After all, no one liked a leech. A puff of air escaped your lips, moving your greasy hair out of your face. Your fingers dug back into your pocket, and you dragged your phone out, not even looking at it when you clicked the number. 

**Ring**

**Ring**

**Ring**

_**Riiiiiiing** _

Oh look, he wasn't picking, weren't you lucky~?

"hello?"

Fuck!

"anyone calling?"

You dragged the phone to your ear, eyes still fixed to the wall. "We need to renegotiate our terms."

* * *

It was a beautiful day outside.

The sun was shining.

The birds were singing.

And you were back at the hell house. 

You stayed close to Sans as he walked off the path, and made his way behind the house. The tall grass slapped against your knees as you made your way through it, pollen and seeds floating into the air. You adjusted the belt to your jeans for the sixth time since you got off your bike, your gaze darting around, waiting for one of the weirder skeletons to pop out and harass you. Sans was the one who suggested you come all the way out here again, not you. As far as YOU were concerned, meeting up at a coffee house or something would have been optimal. There would be plenty of witnesses in the case he did something weird, or a good exit in the case you just didn't think you could actually look him in the eye sockets. 

He glanced back to you, and your eyes darted away. "dunno how much room ya need, but i figure this'll be cheaper and easier than just renting a place in the city, yanno?"

Behind the house was a brick wall that had a short iron gate that couldn't have kept out a toddler. You pushed it open, but Sans let you go through first, for a brief moment you saw his brow...bone(?) raise when you fixed your gaze firmly on the little plot in font of you. It was a large yard filled with weeds, twisting vines, a wisteria that was growing too enthusiastically along a wall, and a pond full of murky water sitting in front of what used to be a stone bench. It looked like it had been abandoned a long time ago, anything that wasn't strong enough to survive choke out by weeds and hardier plants. 

"the others hardly come back here." Sans said from behind you. "i'd pay to get this all cleaned up and the plants bought. all you'd need to do is come by everyday to make sure they stay alive." 

Annnnnnd this was beginning to look less and less like a simple job, and a complete pain in your neck. Heck, babying your farms in Harvestmoon took less effort and heartbreak than this catastrophe, and you'd technically still be on the menu screen! You flexed your fingers a few times, until a loud pop finally came from your thumb. A choking sound emitted behind you, but you ignored it as you stared at the plot of land. You couldn't be a leech forever, because no one liked leeches. If this job made a steady income, you'd be closer to being a proper adult. That meant putting up with the rowdy people in this house. You could invest in a taser, one of the ones with the jumper cable things. You could push them into the pond, and then use the taser. Yup, good job, think on how to use your resources! 

"so....?"

"It's doable," You said at last, and tentatively turned to look at him. His hands were stuffed in his pocket, his teeth set in a smile, and his shoulders hunched. He looked as cool as a cucumber, as if the incident had never happened at all. That was another 'adult' thing to do right, get over your past mistakes. "But it'd take a lot of time just to come here every day. Maybe I can give you a watering schedule?"

"heh, no can do." He said. "i can't take care of anything without killing it. and the others..." His eye lights trailed to the house. "yeah, you're the only one who could do it."

If you woke up at four each day, you could make it here by six, and then you could get started on the weeding and digging the proper quadrants for your garden. Honestly, if it wasn't for the residents in the house behind you, this would be the perfect place to set up a garden. it was spacious, got adequate sunlight, but there was enough places with shade that would allow for a large variety of plants. On top of that, this place had the potential to be a fairytail-esque garden like in Harvest Moon. You imagined small sprites and memory spirits hiding behind the wall, swimming in the pond, and climbing up the honey suckle vines.  You felt your chest go warm, and your hand snaked from your belt up to the spot your heart would be. Out of your peripheral vision, you could see Sans had looked away, hunched further into that hoody, eye lights focused on a clump of dandelions swaying in the breeze, their white see pods floating away from the host plant.

"Did you say something?"

He coughed, a sound that made your eyebrows furrow, and turned to look back to you. "said, you could just live here then. we've got plenty of room, and i can guarantee your protection. nothing bad'll happen to you."

"..."

"..."

"Sans?"

"yeah?"

"I just want you to pay for my Uber."

"huh?"

You set your hands on your hips. "Well for starters one of your family members tried to kill me, another stole my underwear, they're all convinced I'm out to mess them up, and you guys really creep me out." You felt your face go warm. "Not because you're monsters or anything, it's because you guys are creepy! I'm worried if I live here, I'll turn into a ghost haunting the attic and can't become useful unless you say my name three times." You sighed and shook your head. "I'm perfectly happy in my apartment, thank you very much."

Sans remained quiet, just shrugging your shoulders at your explanation. "ok."

* * *

 

You ended up going out to the bar that night. You wore a nice dress, your heels that made your legs look killer, and that cute necklace that you'd gotten for a bargain online. You sat one one of the stools at the bar, crossing your legs to look sexy and alluring, and ordered some soda. Yes, you weren't much of a drinker. However, ginger ale in a champagne flute fooled most people thinking you were way cooler than you actually were. You listened to the warbling melody coming from the duo on the stage, the blonde woman swaying side to side as she sang her love ballad, her guitarist swaying with her.

They were probably the only 'classy' thing about this bar though. 

The floors were wood, but they were scuffed up and in need of a good polish. The tables were scratched up with phone numbers, notes, and cuss words. There was a cracked TV set up in one corner, set to the soccer channel, and a bawdy group was yelling at the screen while downing chicken wings. The lady in the red dress by the bathroom door was counting some money, while a haggard looking woman sucked her fingers clean, and you were pretty sure the bartender was a super soldier in another life. 

It wasn't classy, but you liked being here. 

You watched the people through the crowd, the tile bar top pressed against your back. The woman in the red dress went into the bathroom with a blonde guy that didn't look old enough to be here, the soccer game switched to a commercial, and the band duo changed to a song that had you tapping your feet.

"Hey, young lady." You turned in your seat, a red haired man sitting down on the bar stool next you. He was pretty handsome you guessed, his eyes were a sharp blue, and he looked pretty tall. "You look pretty lonely."

"Just a little." You said, taking a sip at your drink. "My drink's not too talkative."

He laughed, it was a deep belly laugh that sounded pretty genuine. "Yeah, mine's not either." He swirled his beer around. "I should stick to people huh? Hands and drinks aren't that much fun."

You felt your face go warm at what he was implying. Was he seriously just going to up and proposition you like that, you didn't even have a proper conversation first. You took a sip of your drink, trying to hide your embarrassment, wishing it was something stronger, something that would keep the thoughts away as you set the glass on the table, and followed him out the door. Something that would make the mess between your legs less disgusting, the unresolved feeling less burning, and the aching feeling in your chest less potent. 

But as you turned over in the strangers bed, his arms wrapped around your waist, and the smell of cheap beer burning your nose, you felt accomplished. 

You weren't being a leech. 

You weren't being an idiot. 

You were finally being an adult. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, character development! Yup, Reader has some serious issues, doesn't she? Hopefully things will work out to be a bit better in the future, and she can get some self respect. Maybe our favorite skeles can do that, huh? Also, don't worry, Reader will be living there soon enough. Let's just hope it doesn't result in her death. 
> 
> Know what won't die? My tumblr! http://nihilismpastry.tumblr.com/


	4. Skeletons Need Some To Stop...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being so damn rude! Honestly, it wouldn't kill them to be a little nice, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore Level: None!
> 
> Wow, this is probably the longest I have gone without writing someone getting dismembered, raped, and/or murdered...

The cheerful song on your alarm clock was not appreciated. Not by you, and not by the stranger you had slept with last night. You had barely turned it off, before he pushed you out of the bed, and told you to pack up and leave. You silently did as he asked, it wasn't your home, you didn't make the rules. After finding your panties under the bed, and your bra on the living room floor, you tossed on your dress, and didn't bother putting on your heels. You tapped at your phone as you stepped outside onto the stranger's front porch, the early morning chill making shivers go down your spine. You had barely sent the message, before another one popped up. You sighed and leaned against the blue door, shutting your eyes and wriggling your toes against the cool stones. The crickets and cicadas were still thrumming their songs, the occasional car over took their melody, but they were few and far in between. You had just began to nod off, when a metal song from a band you knew all too well blared through the street, and bright light ate through your eye lids. Your eyes fluttered open, and you stood up as a white pick up truck pulled up next to the porch. The passenger door opened, and a black haired woman glared down at you. "Get the fuck in my truck."

You did as you were told, pulling the door shut, and buckling yourself in. "Morning, Emily."

"It's four o'clock." Emily said, pulling back onto the road. "It's not morning, I don't care what the clock says. You couldn't wait another hour or so before you got out of his bed? You can't tell me a guy living in a place like that doesn't work one of those fancy jobs where they go in at ten and leave at four." 

You let her rant for a few minutes, she deserved it after all. You were the one that woke her, and likely her wife, up at three thirty so you could avoid your 'walk of shame'. Getting all the way back to your sorry apartment in heels and a skin tight dress was not your style. Not that you had a walk of shame style, even if you had fucked him in your comfy sweats, you weren't so keen walking back after a night of mediocre sex and not enough sleep. 

You yawned, catching Emily's attention. "Oh no, you don't get to sleep now." She said, smacking your arm. "Jesus, Drug Lord, how have you even stayed alive this long? Shouldn't you have a ruptured pussy, or a man eating STD already?"

"I use condoms..."

"At least you do that much." Emily parked her truck in front of your building, and sighed, propping her elbows on the steering wheel. "So was he any good? Did his dick make your heart explode, and your pussy squirt."

You raised an eyebrow at her description. "When was your last one night stand with a guy?"

"Hey, I always fucked Marty whenever Keisha broke up with me." She said, before she snapped her fingers, a grin lighting up her face. "That's what you need, an actual booty call! Someone you can have a half assed relationship with, and you don't have to run away from if you see them in public."

No, that's not what you needed. What you actually needed was your bed, some sleep, and some chocolate pancakes. Wait, that's not what adults had in the morning. Didn't you need to eat Wheaties or something? Then you wouldn't look like such a fat ass, and maybe could actually do your walk of shame in some heels. "I don't run away from my one night stands. I just don't want them to see me."

"Same thing, Drug Lord." Emily yawned again. "Gah, your sleepiness is catching, get the fuck outta my truck."

"You just like that it rhymes."

 She scoffed and put on a pair of sunglasses. "Whatever, Drug Lord."

You watched her pull off, standing outside the double doors of the building until the red tail lights faded into the early morning fog. You sighed and turned on your heel, and went into the small lobby. There was no one at the desk, just a sloppily written sign that it would be open again at five AM. You made your way to the elevator, and slammed a hand on the sticky button, and it gave a shrill ding as it opened. You stepped into the tiny box, and pressed the button for the third floor, it took several seconds too long, but the door finally shut and the box jolted, before it began its creeping ascension up to your floor. 

You glanced at your phone and groaned. "I can't do this today."

But work beckoned, and despite all of your flaws, you hated not keeping a promise. When the elevator finally let out on your floor, you hurried to your apartment, and threw on the closest comfy clothes that looked clean, rubbed off your smeared make up, and called an Uber. You had barely managed to get your shoes on before the Uber pulled up, and dread began settling into the pit of your stomach. 

"Here we go..."

* * *

It was going to be one of those days. 

You knew that your morning hadn't been the best start in the world, but you thought it would get better. With that relaxing drive in that scion, and the nap that you managed to slip in, things had actually been looking up. But then you got to that damn house, and it all went tumbling back to hell again. You adjusted the bag on your shoulder, your supplies clanking against each other, and your ribs. You weren't sure if you should call the police, or an ambulance. Wait, could a doctor even help a living skeleton, didn't they need magic care? The only healing center was the original one on the mountain, nowhere near the city. And you didn't think the skeleton would make it before help came...

Then again he was decapitated, maybe he was already dead.

The sparking red iris stared at you as you slowly walked up, it's fanged teeth bared like a dog as you pulled out your phone. Honestly, he was gritting his teeth so hard, you wouldn't be too surprised if his gold tooth fell out. "the fuck ya think yer lookin' at?"

"A monster skull...I think." You stopped a few inches away from it, and knelt down to his level. A faint red liquid began dotting his forehead, and wait, the hell was that? No! You weren't questioning anymore skeleton monster body habits. If he was going to sweat red stuff, then he could sweat all the red stuff he wanted. Maybe it was cherry Kool-Aid for all you knew. "Do you , um, do you need help?"

" **n o.** " He spat, and you had the strange sense he was trying to move, despite not moving at all. "don't need some fuckin' human comin' 'round 'nd tryin' ta fix me, sugar tits."

Sugar tits? Was that supposed to be an insult or a compliment? Also, he was the one who was laying in the mud without the rest of his body, not you. You pocketed your cellphone, and reached out, grabbing his head gently. The light in his socket sputtered out, and you looked away, chills going down your spine. Jesus, that looked creepy as all hell. You really hoped none of the others made a habit of making their eye lights go away. You were going to be haunted by nightmares if that started happening. "I'm going to at least take you to Sans. I don't wanna be accused of killing my patients or whatever."

"don't take me ta that dumb ass!" You could feel light vibrations through his skull. It felt good, almost like your phone alarm going off. "put me down!"

You ignored him as you went up the stairs, and lightly kicked at the door. It was probably rude to do so, but you didn't want to put the skeleton skull back on the ground, on top of that, you didn't think anyone would actually notice if there was a streak of dirt on the door. The skull continued to rant in your arms as the door opened, and the skeleton with the hood over his skull answered the door. He took one glance at the monster in your arms, before jerking his thumb to something behind him. "body's over there."

You entered the house, the skeleton shutting the door behind you, and you felt the skull in your arms vibrate almost violently as you made your way to the couch. His phalanges were twitching, and his body was slumped forward. His neck vertebrae looked almost like a live spark, it was waving back and forth, and a bright red haze was leaking through it, and curling into the air. it smelled vaguely of ozone and mustard in the room. "attach me already!"

"H-how?" 

"edge'll probably do it later." The other skeleton said, hands shoved in his pockets, voice still monotone. "just leave the skull on the floor."

"don't tell her that, addict ya bastard!"

"don't be a little bitch, red." The skeleton snatched the skull out of your arms, and tossed him to the floor, he rolled under the glass coffee table, screaming the entire time. "that's how ya got like that in the first place." 

"i'm gonna fuckin kill ya, addict!"

"with just a skull?"

You shifted your bag further up your shoulder, fiddling with the straps. "Um, if you two have this handled, I'm going to go back to my-"

You squeaked when you felt cold phalanges curled around your wrist. The skeleton with Christmas colored eye lights was staring up at you, his grin tight on his face. Oh jeez, you were not about to help him attach a skull on a freaking skeleton! It was creepy enough having to lug him back into the house, but you were not messing with his body. You tugged on your wrist, trying to escape the death grip he had on it. "D-do you need something?"

"why're you here? ain't you supposed to be making tea blends or something?"

Oh...It looked like Sans hadn't explained anything to his house mates, outside the fact that you were supposed to help them out. Maybe there was a reason for that or something? After all, it was obvious none of them had liked you upon your first meeting, and if anything had to be said about this skeleton's demeanor towards you, it was clear that he still didn't like you. Your gaze shifted to the skull, he had stopped his obscenities long enough to glare at you. "hate ta agree with this bastard, but he's right. why're ya here, sugar tits? can't be back for the hospitably." 

Well, at least he was aware they had acted completely wretched towards you last time. "No, Sans said I could use your backyard as a garden. My house isn't big enough to sustain all the plants I'd need to make your teas."

Red, you guessed that was the skull's name, gave a gruff laugh. "course he did. let a human 'round our territory, but won't let us outta the house. then gets this bitch ta try 'nd fix us." He spat. "like we're fuckin' broken 'nd shit. fuckin' goody-two shoes needs ta grow a pair."

"have you not heard what comes out of your mouth?  sounds pretty broken to me." Addict, honestly you'd heard of stranger monster names, said. He twisted your hand around, palm up and fingers outstretched, his phalanges slipped between them, his gaze locked on your hand. It almost looked like he was palm reading, like those little old ladies at the fair. You'd heard monsters had magic powers, maybe telling the future was one of those things. "goody two-shoes got some good tastes though."

"E-excuse me?"

His gaze shot up to your face, and his grin stretched a bit, but he let go of your hand. His own hands slipped back into his hoody pockets, and he turned on his heel. "you might wanna tell the self righteous one you're here. don't wanna be responsible if you get caught up in one of the kid's puzzles, or the freak shows decide to make you a dinner guest."

You raised an eyebrow at that, but decided not to dwell on it. You came here to work after all, and the sooner you got some work done, the sooner you could go back home and crash. Besides, you didn't want the skeletons to all gang up on you again for the mere sin of your job. "Uh, thanks for the advice. Do you know where Sans is?"

"didn't he give you his phone number?"

Oh yeah, you could just call him. You felt your face go warm, and you muttered an affirmative as you texted Sans and slipped out the front door. As soon as you did, you could hear more screaming from Red. It was loud gruff, and you could still hear him even when you made you way through the gate, and into the backyard. Soon someone else's yelling accompanied it, this one louder and slightly higher, but with that same rough quality that Red had. 

You sighed and dumped your bag of tools on the ground, and dropped to your knees. Honestly, it didn't really matter where you started, because the entire back yard was a mess. Maybe it would be better to set some of it on fire. Ash was known to be able to help some plants, you could probably use that as an excuse if you employer asked why there a raging inferno engulfing his yard into a hellish crisp, and threatening to take his house into the same burning hell storm...

Oh jeez. 

You sighed and began pulling at the weeds, tossing them into a pile. Nah, as fun as that sounded, you'd probably be out of a job. This was probably the most money you had made in your entire life, and the most steady your income had ever flowed. If you didn't want to go back to sleeping on couches, then you needed to just grow up and not take faulty shortcuts that sounded like drunken pranks. 

* * *

You yawned and wiped at the sweat culminating on your forehead, leaving a muddy swipe along your skin. Your shorts and T-shirt clung to your body, damp with your sweat, and smelling vaguely sour. Your body was incredibly warm, and even with your sun hat, you were sure that you had gotten plenty of skin damage. You made a mental note to apply some oils and creams to your skin once you got home as you pushed yourself up to your feet, hands on your hips. The area closest to the gate was completely devoid of weeds now, and you'd also started on getting up the trash as well. There were two piles containing both, and a budding third one for things that you had no idea what they were, and you needed to give to Sans before you left.

You swiped your hands against your faded denim shorts, before slipping out your phone and making your way to the back porch. It was barely some steps and a stoop, but it was shaded, so you weren't going to complain. You plopped down on the cool concrete, and stretched out your legs, before calling the nearest pizza joint. You ordered your favorite, and added some sweet tea to the order as well. You wondered if you should shift yourself to the front porch, but the idea of getting up and walking all the way to the front door wasn't very appealing at the moment. So instead, you kicked off your shoes and socks, and let your feet soak in the shade, your toes playing in the gritty soil. 

You were going to need a manicure after this. Maybe one that didn't have roaches soaking in the foot bath, and workers that got your nail color wrong twice in a row. You could actually afford to go to nice places now! You shut you eyes, your head tilting back as you imagined bubbles popping around your feet, and hot jets of water massaging all the grime of the hard day away. Heaven was in hot baths, manicures, and chocolate, you didn't care what the church said. 

As you began nodding off, you heard the rev of an engine. Taking that as a hint of your lunch, you pushed yourself up, leaving your shoes behind, and hurried to the front door. A lanky blonde was just getting out of the car when you hurried up to him, your wallet already out and open. The transaction was quick and easy, and before you knew it you were sitting on the porch with your pizza, your tea sitting beside you. You had just bit into the biggest slice in the box, when the door opened, almost sending you sprawling backwards. 

You stared up at a skeleton monster, the one with the crazy looking teeth, and gave a hesitant wave. "Hi."

"HeLlO, lItTlE tEa MaKeR." You felt your smile become a little more genuine at his greeting. What he called you was sweet, almost something out of a Grimm's Fairytales. While no one ever called you by name, you didn't like your name really, this was probably the cutest nick name yet. Currently, most of your nick names involved drugs, so this change in pace was refreshing. You were going to make an effort to be nice to this skeleton. Despite his scary looks, and his loud and disturbing voice, he was the only one who'd been nice to you so far. "No OnE LeT yOu In?"

Ah, he was even concerned that you were being ignored.

So sweet~!

"I already went inside." You assured him. "I was working in the back yard earlier, trying to get the garden together. I'm just taking a break for lunch." You righted yourself, and adjusted the box on your lap, before taking out one of the slices and holding it up. "Want to eat lunch with me?"

The little eye lights in his skull grew large enough to take up the dark space, and he immediately plopped down next to you, causing the tea bottle to knock over, and you to almost fall off the porch completely. You reached out and grabbed his humerus with your free hand, your death grip on the pizza almost squashing the crust into paste. He took the pizza from you with his spindly fingers, and you watched as his jaw opened only a few centimeters, and he attempted to cram the pizza through the jagged line of teeth. It looked painful to watch, honestly, and you guessed that was why he didn't open his mouth much when he spoke, leaving himself sound garbled most of the time.

"It'S So GoOd!" Some of the food dribbled from between his teeth in poorly mashed paste. It had never really occurred to you the importance of having lips until now. Watching a skeleton eat was like watching a chicken being butchered. It was horrific, with not enough carnage to leave nightmares, but enough to disrupt your eating pattern. A necessary act that left you wondering why you watched in the first place. Okay, that was a bit dramatic, but it was safe to say you stared down at the pizza box while you ate. "I'vE NeVeR HaD PiZzA BeFoRe!"

"Really?"

"We CoOk OuR oWn MeAlS." He said. "I gUeSs We NeVeR tHoUgHt Of PiZzA." You heard him swallow, still not going to question the whole skeleton anatomy thing, and you held out another slice. "BlAcKbErRy LiKeS MaKiNg PaNcAkEs. PaPyRuS AnD i MaKe SpAgHeTtI. SoMeTiMeS oThEr FaMiLy CoMeS oVeR, bUt ThEy DoN't MaKe PiZzA."

"Maybe we could look up how to cook some."

You heard him gasp, and those thing fingers curled around your hands, causing you to drop your slice of pizza back in the box, and look up at him. There was food between his teeth, but you were more distracted by the fact his eye lights had become wobbly hearts that looked more like childish scribbles. "We CoUlD?"

"Yeah, I mean it'd be fun, right?"

Granted you didn't know how to cook even if it meant saving your life. Your mother used to kick you out of the kitchen as a kid, and you had taken to becoming an edge lord by the time high school hit. So it was safe to say you now spent a good chunk of your money on greasy burgers, over cooked pizza, and Chinese food that was cooked by Vietnamese people, and owned by Ethiopians, using an American recipe. Ah, the wonderfully unhealthy food you indulged in, while tasty, was probably the reason you were such a fat ass...

You were jerked out of your thoughts as the monster shook your hands. "ThIs Is AmAzInG! We'Re GoInG To-Ah!" He suddenly stopped, and let go one of your hands, but continued to shake the other. "I'm CaLlED JaWs. It'S NiCe To MeEt YoU!"

Wow, you hoped he was given that name to empower himself, not be cruel. You guessed Snaggle Tooth or Fuck Face would be a worse name, but still... "It's nice to meet you, Jaws."

He practically beamed, and began a rant on the fine arts of cooking spaghetti, and how amazing it was. He even asked about your favorite types of spaghetti, and when you told him, he was adamant that he wanted to make it for you for dinner sometime. Between you both there was only two more slices of pizza left, and all the tea had been guzzled down. Your butt was becoming numb, and your legs were cramping from their uncomfortable position. You were about to excuse yourself and get a little more work done, when the door flew open. 

You both turned to see who the intruder was, but while you shrank back, Jaws became excited. "BrOtHeR!" 

The single red pupil stared down at the both of you, that smile spread so far across his face, it almost looked unreal. Jeez, why did all of these skeletons look like they just walked out of a horror movie? "sup, paps. been lookin' for ya all day. time to bleach."

"I wAs EaTiNg LuNcH WiTh My HuMaN FrIeNd!"

His gaze turned directly to you, that red pupil shifting to get smaller in his skull. "that so?"

"We just finished eating." You said. "There's some more left, if you want some." He studied you for a moment, before his gaze shifted to the box of food. What, did he think it was inedible or something? Yeah it was a bit greasy, but it wasn't all that bad, you'd had worse. Like that one time you found dead ants in the crust, yup that was certainly proof it was made 'in house'. "I mean, if you don't I was just gonna throw it out-"

The pizza was gone before you could even finish the sentence. You didn't even see him open his mouth, it was just kinda twitching, and you could hear the distinct sound of chewing. "come one paps. gotta get in there before the others do."

The taller skeleton heaved himself off the porch, finally giving you enough room to sit properly. "It WaS fUn TaLkInG, liTtLe tEa mAkEr. CaN We TaLk AgAiN aFtEr My BaTh?"

"Sure, if I'm still here."  The skeleton cheered and went into the house, but his brother remained on the porch, staring you down. Oh great, he was one of those jealous over protective brothers, right? The ones that would chop you up and bury you in your sleep? "Um, did you need something?"

Stay polite, you could do this!

"dunno how it works back home for ya," He said, the red pupil shutting, as if it had an eyelid. "but we don't throw out meals here, capiche?"

 "Y-yeah, got it."

He grunted and went back into the house, slamming the door behind him. You stared at the door for a moment, your smile slowly slipping off your face. Good lord, what was wrong with all of these skeletons? Did being polite just not get taught in the Underground, or was that just a gene that you had to get? Clearly Jaws got it, even if he had been a little pushy. You sighed and pushed yourself up and gathered the trash. You went to a metal trash can sitting idly by the porch, and threw it all away. 

Once that was finished you wiped your hands off on your shorts, and looked up at the sky. The sun was pretty high, it had to be a little past noon or so. You yawned, pressing your wrist to your mouth in an attempt to cover it. Oh well, you could get a little more work done before you called it quits for the day. You yawned again as you made your way to the back yard, your feet dragging, and the hot sun beating down on you, your reprieve finally over. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Dealer is more or less introduced to Addict/Dusstale Sans, Red/Underfell Sans, Jaws/Horrortale Papyrus, and Axe/Horrotale Sans. Not the best introductions, but she did her best considering they're all a little crazy. Also, Horrotale Papyrus is so freaking pure, I love writing that baby! 
> 
> Know what isn't pure? My tumblr! http://nihilismpastry.tumblr.com/


	5. Kleptomania Was the Reason...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That you lost your phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore Level: None
> 
> Was kinda close there...

You stared at the small space that you'd managed to clear out. No, the entire yard wasn't done, you weren't a miracle worker, but just a tiny section was free of weeds and debris. Now all you needed to do was toss out the piles of trash, and then you could call an Uber and go home already. You opened up the gate, before going back to the front and grabbing the trash can. You dragged it back down the path, and to the backyard, and began the boring task of tossing things. It was mostly broken bottles, a couple of nails, some wire, and what you were sure was a broken bear trap. It was like finding trash that couldn't be used to make weapons in State of Decay, all that was missing was zombies. You cast a weary eye towards the now silent house.

Well, you almost had zombies.

Then again Warm Bodies had shown you that skeletons were the superior in every way. Humans became zombie food, zombies fell in love with humans, and then skeletons ate them all to keep the natural order of things... or something. You dumped a broken bottle into the trashcan, the tell tale shattering noise almost making you feel bad for the poor trash guy that had to handle this junk. You slammed the lid shut, and began hauling it back to the front yard. As you shifted it in place next to the porch, the door opened, and Sans waltzed out of the house. Even though he was at least two feet away, you could smell bleach wafting off of him. "hey, kid. finishing up?"

You dusted your hands off on your shorts. "Yeah, just got done. I'm gonna call a ride and head home, if that's alright."

"yeah, 'bout that." You did you best to keep your smile on your face. There was no way you were working anymore than you already had. It was at least seven in the evening, you'd been here all day, and had made maximum progress with the time you'd given yourself. However, all of your thoughts were ripped away from the idea of overtime as Sans dragged something small and blinking from his pocket, and held it out. The black device had a spider web of cracks, and the screen was flickering black and blue, with an array of pink every once in awhile. The last time you'd seen this device, it'd been in your back pocket while you listened to the OST of some game you could never remember the name of for the life of you.  "jaws had your phone, he uh, got caught up in one of black's traps."

"..."

You took the phone from the monster, and held it up to the light. The cracks looked pretty deep, you were sure the glass would cut your face if you tried to actually use it. The black case was cracked down the middle, the plastic threatening to slide off completely. The single button the phone had was jammed, and no matter how many times you pressed it, the device wouldn't shut off. Yup, this thing was most certainly dead, and had taken all of your contacts and photos to the after life. 

"i can pay for it."

You looked up from your baby, and back to the skeleton on the porch. His eye lights looked fuzzy around the edges, and he was looking at anywhere but you, his hands once again shoved deep into the pockets of his powder blue hoody. "How did he even get my phone? It was in my pocket the entire day!"

Sans shrugged, still not looking at you, and the same shade of blue as his hoody began glowing along his cheek bones. "how'd he get your underwear?"

"Ah..." You didn't have the answer to that either. Jeez, beware the nice ones was the truest thing you'd ever heard. "Fine, then can I at least use your phone?"

"sure, it's back in the house."

He started walking towards the door, and you slowly followed behind him, slipping your now useless phone into your front pocket. Well, maybe now you would actually pay a little more attention to your surroundings. You shut the front door behind you, and watched as Sans went up the stairs and down the hall, disappearing from view. You remained in the living room, enjoying the blast from the A/C. You didn't know if Sans wanted you to follow him or not, but you found it unprofessional to go explore your boss' house. There were certain boundaries in a working relationship, and you didn't want to violate them.  That was how you started getting attracted to your boss, started doing more over time in hopes he would fuck you on a desk, and end up loosing your job over a stupid crush. Granted, you didn't really find Sans attractive in looks or personality, and you were pretty sure that there was something a bit important that you were missing in the equation. 

He was a skeleton...

But if you DID find him attractive, did that make you a necrophiliac?

But as a monster, didn't that mean he was actually alive?

"you're still here?"

You jumped and twisted around, just to find the tall skeleton without the eye lights, joy. Your gaze slipped from his face to the floor, finding his mud splattered boots to be far more interesting all of a sudden.  "Sans was getting his phone. Uh, mine got damaged pretty bad, so I need to borrow one." 

"blackberry didn't do it, did he?"

"Blackberry?"

"the small, bratty skeleton."

You shook your head. "No, it was- But please, go ahead and walk away in the middle of my sentence."

The skeleton shrugged and slipped a hand out of his coat pocket, taking out a vape pen as he made his way up the stairs. "doesn't involve me or my brother."

But it was rude! Why were these skeletons all rude to you? You wondered if adding some ghost pepper to their teas would get you in trouble, or if you could play it off as some kind of flavor from the blend. Jerks, all of these skeletons were stupid jerks. They didn't need you, what they needed was to work retail and be forced to learn how to be polite through the wonderful class called: Be nice or starve. 

A loud bang echoed down the hall, and you could hear screaming for a 'Mutt'. Huh, that was funny, you hadn't seen a dog around all day. From what Sans said, no one could keep anything alive, which was why you just _had_ to take care of the garden. You raised an eyebrow as the eye lightless skeleton began making his way back down the stairs, jabbing a vape pen between his teeth, and the end lighting up a dark violet as he pressed the button along the side. 

"MUTT, I CAN SEE YOU, BROTHER! DO NOT IGNORE ME."

Wow, so Mutt was this guy's name. You'd heard some crazy monster names in your lifetime, but this was probably the worst one. And yet somehow, it was probably fitting that this jerk had such a terrible name. Hell, he was even wearing a collar like a dog, talk about irony. Your gloating session was cut short as a small and wiry skeleton made his way down the stairs, hands on his hips, and his fangs forced into a frown.  He took one look at the slouching skeleton at the bottom of the staircase, before he put his hands on his hips, his exposed spine becoming as straight as a pole. "BROTHER! I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR YOU ALL DAY!"

"was doing paperwork."

"YOU ALWAYS USE THAT EXCUSE, YOU STUPID MUTT!"

"guess you better stop breaking expensive equipment." The taller skeleton turned away, smoke curling from out of his sockets, and blowing out from between his fangs. His smile seemed to pick up at the edges, before he turned back to his brother, jabbing a thumb behind him. "human's still here."

The smaller skeleton peered around his brother, and the gold stars in his pupils became bigger. "STAY RIGHT THERE, HUMAN!" 

Oh jeez, where was Sans?

Blackberry you guessed, the other skeleton mentioned that it was his brother's name, hurried down the stairs, almost tripping over himself in the process. He quickly caught himself, and straightened up into a proper standing position, his shoulders squared and chest puffed out.  "SO YOU'RE BACK, HUMAN? I SUPPOSE THAT ISN'T SURPRISING, THE ILLUSTRIOUS SA-BLACKBERRY IS QUITE A SIGHT TO BEHOLD." A gloved finger poked your chest, a sharp pain erupting where he touched. You bit down on your bottom lip, and your nose wrinkled as you swallowed the pain, but the skeleton didn't notice his blunder as he poked you again in the exact same spot. "BUT THAT DOES NOT EXPLAIN WHY YOU WOULD FRATERNIZE WITH THOSE FREAKS. MUTT TOLD ME EARLIER THAT YOU WERE SPEAKING WITH THE LOUD MOUTH, THE FREAKS, AND THE ADDICT. YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST CALLED FOR ME, HUMAN. I'M FAR BETTER COMPANY THAN THOSE FOUR COMBINED." 

"Sorry?"

"OF COURSE YOU ARE." He took your hand, and interlaced your fingers, a pale blue dusting along his cheeks. "NOW COME ALONG, I WANT TO SHOW YOU MY COOKING."

You glanced back to the staircase, wanting anyone to help you, but it was empty. The further you got away from it, and the front door, the more you realized that you should have just stayed outside in the blistering heat. 

* * *

It turned out that Blackberry's cooking was dangerous. He swung the knife around like a sword, spilled boiling water everywhere, and let a spatula melt on the stove eye. But, in the end, he had set a plate of chicken Alfredo in front of you, the edges of the plate clean, and so much steam wafting off of it you wondered if there was a fire inside the mound of pasta and chicken. You picked up the fork, and poked the food, before looking up at him. His arms were crossed over his chest and his sockets narrowed. "WELL?"

You stabbed a piece of chicken, and twirled some of the pasta around the fork. Good grief, this stuff was probably going to burn your tongue off. You glanced back to the kitchen door, hoping Sans would suddenly appear with his phone, but of course he wasn't. In the background, you could hear Blackberry begin tapping his foot in impatience, and it was with that subtle warning that you resigned yourself to the meal. You coated your tongue with all the spit you could, hoping that it would at least stop the initial burn, as you turned back to your food and opened your mouth. The fork was popped in without much ceremony, and you shut your eyes, waiting to scream bloody murder. 

"IT'S GOOD, RIGHT?"

"..."

You chewed, letting the flavor actually coat your tongue. It was actually pretty good, a hint of lemon, not too much salt. The Alfredo was creamy and not chunky, and the chicken was baked just right. If you hadn't seen the hellish way he cooked the food, you might had thought Blackberry was a cooking genius. You swallowed, and stabbed another piece of chicken onto your fork. "It's really good."

"OF COURSE IT IS HUMAN," He said. "BUT IS IT THE BEST YOU EVER HAD?"

Of Alfredo or food? Because if he was talking food, then that would be a no. That award would have to go to this one guy you slept with, he had made you eggs the next morning, and they were the best things since sex. As far as Alfredo went, then yes, this would probably be the best. "It's the best I ever had."

The skeleton puffed out his chest, and you saw more pale blue dust along his cheek bones as he basked in the praise. You continued shoveling food into your mouth, while the skeleton bragged about his amazing culinary talents, finally taking a seat at the table instead of standing over you like a warden. By the time you were done, and seriously contemplating the faux pas of licking your plate, another tall skeleton walked into the kitchen.

Oh, you knew this one's name! His Hot Topic clothing and scar along his right eye basically gave it away anyway. "Good evening, Edge."

Edge paused, his sockets narrowed as he spotted you and Blackberry at the table. "WHY IS THE HUMAN STILL PLAGUING OUR HOME, AND SPEAKING TO ME SO INFORMALLY." 

"Uh, Sans-"

"I'M FEEDING HER, OBVIOUSLY." Blackberry said. "YOU SHOULD GET YOUR SOCKETS CHECKED, IDIOT." 

He slammed his hands on the table, causing the plate to crash onto the floor. Well, it looked like the skeleton had made your decision for you, no plate licking today. "I CAN SEE THAT, BRAT. I WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU'RE FEEDING HER AND ENABLING HER STAY."

"Well, it's not his fault-"

"CLEARLY SHE STAYED TO SEE ME."

"AND WHY WOULD ANYONE WITH EVEN AN IOTA OF A FUNCTIONING SOUL DEEM YOU WORTHY OF THEIR TIME, BRAT?" Blackberry stood up, the chair toppling over with a heavy crash. A wicked grin curled onto Edge's fangs, making him look even more like a devil. "OH YES, PROVE TO US HOW CHILDISH AND UNWORTHY OF ATTENTION YOU ACTUALLY ARE, BRAT. INSTEAD OF FORCING THIS INTRUDER OUT, YOU'RE PLAYING TEA PARTY. ONLY A MEWLING CHILD WOULD ENTERTAIN THEIR ENEMY IN SOMETHING OUTSIDE DEADLY TRAPS MEANT TO DESTROY THEM."

"I'M NOT A CHILD, BASTARD! I'M THREE HUNDRED YEARS YOUR SENIOR." A glimmer of blue caught your eye, and you turned in your chair to catch a shard of glass hovering off the floor in a shimmering blue haze, the jagged end pointed towards Edge. "AND IT'S TIME YOU RESPECTED YOUR ELDERS."

The glass shot forward, becoming a spark of blue and white. You dove to the floor, crashing into the shrapnel still littering the area, and covered your head. You expected to hear a scream, smell blood, or anything to indicate injury, but all you heard was silence. After a few moments, you peeked out from your safety ball, just to find Sans kneeling next to you.  One hand was inches from your head, as if he was going to pet you, while the other clutched his phone. He stared down at you, the eye lights just a little bigger in his sockets, and were so dim you almost couldn't see them. "uh, you okay, kid?"

"Yeah." You uncurled from your ball and sat up, your palms and knees stinging, and glass falling out of your hair. "Is Edge okay?"

"huh?"

You peered around him, and saw that Blackberry was glaring at Edge, hands balled into fists, the stars in his eyes looking less pronounced. You couldn't see Edge's expression, but between his gloved fingers was the shard of glass, the magic haze no longer surrounding it. "I thought..."

"so uh, 'bout the phone." You directed your attention to Sans. He displayed the screen, the same flickering blue and white happening, spider web designs along the fragile glass. "looks like mine got attacked."

"So I'm stuck here?"

"just for tonight." He said, shoving his phone into his shorts' pocket. "i already ordered one for the both of us. even express shipped it."

"Does anyone else here have a phone?"

"WE'RE BANNED." Blackberry said, his words clipped. "YOU CAN THANK THE LOUD MOUTH FOR THAT."

"You can't be serious."

"MY BROTHER HAD TIES TO...UNSAVORY GUESTS." Edge turned to look at you now, tossing the glass onto the floor, watching as it shattered into even smaller pieces. "PEOPLE SUCH AS YOURSELF."

"what they're trying to say," Sans said. "was that you're free to use our couch."

"THAT'S CERTAINLY NOT-"

"i've got some extra blankets in the closet." He held out a hand, and you took it, hauling yourself off the floor. "we'll get you set up for the night."

"SANS, YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!" Edge snapped. "IT'S A HUMAN. IF SHE'S NOT EATEN IN HER SLEEP, THEN SHE'LL KILL US IN OURS!"

"i dunno, edge. jaws is pretty smitten with her, besides," He dragged you forward, using you as a human shield of sorts, both of his hands sitting heavily on your shoulders. "you think a girl like her could kill?"

Edge just stared down at you, his expression blank as you gave him a shaky smile. "YES."

"guess you better get started on your will then."

* * *

 The first course of action was a shower. Blackberry was insistent on giving you clothes, and had pushed you into the nearest bathroom with a ball of clothes that looked much too small for you. But beggars couldn't be choosers, so you quickly scrubbed yourself down with something that smelled vaguely like cinnamon and cloves, before jumping out and pulling on the shorts and tank top. You bundled up your dirty clothes to your chest, before leaving the bathroom, and shutting the door behind you. You slowly made your way down the hall, the doors catching your attention as you passed by. A few of them had stickers and posters taped to the wooden surface, most of them forbidding people from entering, caution stripes, or proclamations of how cool they were. It was pretty cute, something you remembered seeing on your own door when your were an edgy teenager. You smiled as you stopped at a door that had a sign declaring that no one could enter, but right under it was a polite reminder to knock. Whoever lived in this room was really trying to play up the bad boy image, but was failing terribly. 

You backed away as this door opened, and a tall skeleton waltzed out of the room. He took notice of you right away, and the grin on his face seemed to widen. "AH, GREETINGS. YOU'RE THE HUMAN THAT MY BROTHER CALLED TO MAKE DELICIOUS TEAS?"

Oh, this one knew your real job! 

Brownie points: +1 

"Y-yeah, I'm the tea dealer." You shifted your bundle to your other arm and held out a hand. "And you're...?"

He took your hand and shook it with enough force to make your arm sore. "THE GREAT PAPYRUS! BUT MY FRIENDS JUST CALL ME PAPYRUS."

"It's nice to meet you, Papyrus." You withdrew your hand, shaking it behind your back to get some feeling back into it. "I'll see you around, I guess."

 You continued down the hall, but stopped when you heard the skeleton call out to you. "UM, IS IT TRUE YOU'RE STAYING FOR A SLEEP OVER?"

"Where did you hear that?"

"YOU'RE WEARING BLACK'S CLOTHES." He said. "THAT AND THEY WERE SCREAMING RATHER LOUDLY FROM DOWNSTAIRS." A light reddish orange dusted his cheeks. "I KNOW I SPEAK LOUDLY AS WELL, BUT EDGE SPEAKS MUCH TOO LOUDLY FOR AN INDOOR SPACE." 

Well then, at least he was aware of his own loud voice. It didn't put you off too much, you were used to hearing screaming and yelling, but the fact he was self aware was almost funny. "Um, well yes I'm staying the night. Jaws broke my phone, apparently, and Sans' is just as bad."

"THAT'S SUCH A SHAME." His smile dampened, and you were glad you ran into another skeleton that had some manners. "WELL, NOT THE FACT YOU HAVE TO STAY WITH US, MORE THAT YOUR PHONE WAS BROKEN. YOU STAYING WAS A FORTUNATE BONUS TO SUCH AN UNFORTUNATE DISASTER."

"Thanks, Papyrus."

"WHERE WILL YOU BE SLEEPING?"

"The couch." You gestured to the end of the hall. "I was on my way there now. Sans said he'd set it up for me."

"NO, THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE!" He grabbed you by the arm, and even through his thick gloves you could feel he pinch of his fingers against your skin as he dragged you down the hall. "WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A PROPER SLEEP OVER WITH SNACKS, AND MOVIES, AND ALL SORTS OF THINGS THAT PEOPLE DO AT SLEEP OVERS."

Your feet tripped over each other as you were guided down the stairs, and more than once you grabbed onto the tall skeleton to steady yourself. You were dropped off on the couch, literally, as the skeleton announced he was going to grab some snacks. You sighed and rubbed at your arm, dark splotches standing out against your skin from where he touched you. If you were going to end up working here, you needed to remember not to let the touchy skeletons actually touch you. A yawn shook your frame, and you grabbed the blanket that Sans must have set out for you, and wrapped it around your body. You could smell aged leather, and a sweet undertone that reminded you of a fizzy pop drink being opened, it wasn't a bad smell. You stretched yourself out on the couch, and snuggled your head into a beat up pillow that had several thick stitches from where it had been torn in the past. Despite its rugged looks, it was pretty comfortable, the thick texture almost massaging your scalp. 

With all the skeletons out of your face, this house felt pretty normal. You could hear people moving above your head, soft thumps and some off key humming that was far too loud. There was clacking in the kitchen, and wood slamming against wood as Papyrus tried to find the snacks. Hell, you could even hear the crickets and cicadas lacing their harmonies outside the broken window, the wind adding a whistling tune that didn't over power the insects. It all swirled around and created something that the nostalgic part of you wanted to call it homey, while the more or less sensible part wanted to call it leeching. You were leeching off of someone again, this time because you were too stupid to notice someone pick pocketing your phone off your person. You were being a burden on these skeletons, putting yourself in danger, and stretching the boundary between employee and employer. You could have asked to use a laptop and shot an email to Emily or Keisha, maybe even Marty's over worked ass. 

But you accepted their offer of hospitality far too easily. 

You were stupid.

Childish. 

Annoying.

A brat-

"HUMAN, I HAVE BROUGHT THE AMAZING, BUT NOT AS AMAZING AS MY COOKING, DELICACIES." You felt something warm and hard press against your leg. "I WASN'T SURE WHAT YOU WANTED, SO I GOT AN IMPRESSIVE VARIETY."

You slowly sat up, the blanket falling off your shoulder, letting you use your arms enough to push yourself up all the way. On the floor was some chocolate cookies, a jar of peanut butter, what looked like a jar of cinnamon sticks, and a bag of salt and vinegar chips. You crawled a bit off the couch, using one hand on the floor to support yourself, and using the other to nab five cookies from the bag. If you were going to be a leech, you might as well be a fat ass, right? You wriggled backwards, awkwardly pushing yourself back onto the couch, and cocooned yourself back into the blanket. Once you were encased in the warmth, you took a savage bite of the cookie, your tongue not even registering the flavors it had. 

"THAT WAS VERY IMPRESSIVE, HUMAN! HOW DID YOU DO THAT?"

"I dunno."

"YOU'LL HAVE TO SHOW ME SOME TIME." He said, and you looked at him to see if he was being serious. To your surprise, his smile was genuine, and didn't look the least bit annoyed. Doing things like that annoyed people, it was lazy as hell. He probably just didn't realize it, and when he did he'd tell you to stop. "IT MUST HAVE BEEN QUITE DIFFICULT TO DO THAT ALL WITH ONE HAND, THE OTHER HAND HAD FOOD TO BOOT, YOU COULD HAVE WASTED IT IF YOU WEREN'T CAREFUL."

"ShE DiDn'T ThOuGh?" Jaws walked into the room, a thin blanket around his shoulders. He was changed out of his clothes, and into a comfortable set of orange pajamas with pineapples printed on them. His brother followed behind him, still decked in his day clothes, eyes pinned to you as you took another bite of your cookie. His red eye light was blown wide open, almost taking up the entire socket. You raised an eyebrow, but he didn't seem to either notice or care that he was staring. 

Great. 

Creepiest skeleton was being creepy. 

"OF COURSE NOT, JAWS." You felt Papyrus pat your head. "MS. HUMAN IS VERY CAREFUL."

This seemed to calm the other skeleton as he made his way over to you, and sat down beside the couch, somehow criss crossing his incredibly long legs. His brother didn't follow and continued to stare at you from the doorway. "I hEaRd YoU sAy ThErE wAs A sLeEpOvEr, So We CaMe." His attention turned to you after he stole some chips from the bag. "We CaN sTiLl TaLk, RiGhT? UnLeSs YoU wAnT tO dO tHe SlEePinG bIt oF tHe SlEeP oVeR?" 

"Sure." It was his house, you were the person crashing, even if it was his fault. "What'd you want to talk about?"

"HaVe YoU eVeR dRiVeN a SpOrTs CaR?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dealer hung out with the other skeles, and stayed at their house, joy. But it looks like she's not enjoying herself, huh? Even if she's talking with two of the coolest skeletons ever. I wonder why that is?
> 
> Know what knows? My tumblr! http://nihilismpastry.tumblr.com/


	6. Their Hospitality...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It leads to terrible consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore Level: None!

Your morning started with screaming. Not the kind that was usually induced by zombies and cults, but the kind that usually came from a sibling eating the last pop tart in the pantry. You groaned and pushed yourself up on your elbows, your sweat slicked hair sticking to your face. You'd been up late last night talking with Jaws and Papyrus, and eventually watching a few Disney movies. It'd been pretty fun, even if Axe decided to sit by you and silently watch you eat all night, and you ended up passing out in the middle of Aladdin. And now you were alone, all of the food packaging gone, and the three skeletons missing as well. You swung your legs over the edge of the couch, the blanket pooling around your waist, and crumbs sprinkling onto the floor in a colorful waterfall. Jeez, they probably thought you ate like a pig. You'd nearly eaten a whole box of strawberry creme cookies on your own, and then those salt and vinegar chips...

You shook your head and pushed yourself up. Once you were steady, you shook the rest of the crumbs out of the blanket, before folding it neatly, and putting it on the couch. You then made your way into the kitchen, just to find Blackberry standing in the middle of it, a spatula in one hand, and a plate of pancakes in the other. Papyrus was next to the stove with a hurt expression on his skull, and gently rubbing his gloved hands together. You could smell something slightly burnt now, but it wasn't the worst thing you'd smelled by far, the sweet smell of syrup almost over powered it anyway. 

"I SHOULD START RIGGING TRAPS WHEN I'M COOKING." Blackberry spat. "YOU, THE BRAT, AND THE FREAK CAN'T COOK WORTH A DAMN."

"THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD BE RUDE TO US." Papyrus said. "EVERYONE JUST NEEDS A LITTLE PRACTICE."

Blackberry rolled his eye lights, and set the plate on the table. It was already filled with orange juice, milk, a ketchup bottle, two mustard bottles, and something thick, watery, and red in a jar. There was also a plate of crispy bacon, and omelets that had white cheese oozing out the sides. Someone had even set out a bowl filled with chopped up strawberries that had granola chunks mixed in as well. "HUMAN," You jumped, your eyes more glued to the feast than the short skeleton now staring at you. "MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL AND HELP THIS IDIOT SET OUT THE EATING UTENSILS."

You hurried over to Papyrus who was balancing a whole cabinet worth of dishware.  He had a stack of plates, and on top of those were glasses, and inside the top glass were the knives and forks. You took the silverware and the glasses from him, and put one of each at each place setting at the table. You were left with one final set, which you guessed was for yourself. "Uh, I didn't plan on eating here, I mean I can eat at home-"

"YOU HAVE TO WORK IN THE GARDEN TODAY, DON'T YOU?" Blackberry asked, a hand poised on his hip, his sockets narrowed. "THEN WHY WOULD YOU WASTE THE TIME TO GO ALL THE WAY BACK TO YOUR HOME, COME BACK HERE, AND THEN GO HOME AGAIN?"

"..."

"WE'D ALSO BE RUDE HOSTS." Papyrus pointed out, setting the last plate down in front of his brother-Wait...When did he even come in the room? "ISN'T THAT RIGHT, SANS?"

"yup." 

"There's no chair for me-AH!" Your feet left the ground, and you you were surrounded by the scent of marinara and metal. You craned your neck back, and found yourself staring up at Jaws. He gave you a wide grin as he sat down in a chair, putting you on his lap. Your face felt warm, and you squirmed on the ridged surface, trying to dislodge from the thin arms that had wound their way around your torso, pulling you full against that crooked spine. "T-thanks, Jaws. But, I don't think it's appropriate for me to hang out with my employers like that."

"WhY?"

Because it was unprofessional, because it could lead to things, because you might not be taken seriously when there's an actual work complaint...And yet, as you stared up at the curious skeleton staring down at you, the words just wouldn't come. So instead, you shifted a bit more until his spine wasn't poking your own, and set your plate and glass beside his. Chatter, more like yelling, bounced across the table as the seats and plates began to fill up. Edge and Red came down around the same time, Edge carrying his brother on his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. At some point Axe slipped into the chair beside you, nearly scaring the shit out of you in the process, as he greeted his brother. Addict was the next to come in, though his sockets narrowed when they landed on you. He probably didn't know you stayed the night, and probably found it weird that you were sitting on Jaws' lap. Maybe it was inappropriate after all, plus you were definitely a human, you knew most humans and monsters were against the two races mixing like that. You wriggled in Jaws' lap again, trying to reach the floor, but froze when you felt warm bones curl around wrist and squeeze. "where're ya goin', sweetmeat?" 

"N-nowhere."

You stabbed the pancake on your plate, and shoved part of it into your mouth. The skeleton continued to stare at you, watching as every bite got shoved unceremoniously into your face. Yes, you looked like a bad imitation of a chipmunk right now, but did he really need to stare? You continued shoving food into your mouth until the entire plate was clear. You licked your lips, the fork, and even your fingers. Jeez, this food was way too good, how could he make every bite of egg have the perfect blend of salt, pepper, cheese, and butter. And those pancakes? They were the fluffiest things that you'd ever tasted in your life. 

"I SEE YOU LIKE MY FOOD, HUMAN." Blackberry said from his place at the table. He was swirling a cup of orange juice around, looking like an evil vampire from one of those movies Keisha loved to watch. "YOU'RE EVEN LICKING YOUR FINGERS LIKE AN ANIMAL."

Edge rolled his eye lights, stabbing a few pancakes on the plate across from him, and putting them on his own plate. "THE HUMAN IS MERELY PLACATING YOU IN FRONT OF HER EMPLOYER. IT WOULDN'T DO TO MAKE THE CHILD CRY, WOULD IT?"

"YOU STUPID-"

"Actually, your food is really good, Blackberry." You popped a finger out of your mouth, the sound it made was so lewd, but your dignity was good and gone at this point. "I'm pretty glad I stayed for breakfast. Thanks."

If you looked up smug in the dictionary, you were pretty sure Blackberry's face would have been next to the definition. Meanwhile, you were sure Edge practically personified wrath and hatred with the face he was giving you. Whelp, if he was going to hate you, then that was his problem. If you were going to be friends with anyone, it was the person that gave you orgasm inducing food. Also clean clothes, you hadn't noticed when you wore them, but apparently there was slime coated to your shorts. Speaking of which... 

"Um, what happened to my clothes?" You asked. "I didn't see them this morning."

"runnin' 'round in the brat's get up." Red said. "might wanna check his bedroom floor."

And was that a-

"ACTUALLY, RED." Papyrus cut in. "I AM IN THE PROCESS OF WASHING HER THINGS. A GOOD HOST ENSURES THAT A GUEST IS HAPPY AND COMFORTABLE. PERHAPS THE TYPE OF COMFORT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT IS FOR DESPERATE AND LONELY HOSTS, BUT THAT IS CERTAINLY NOT US." Red opened his mouth, but Papyrus cut him off. "DEFINITELY. NOT. US."

"Right..." You hopped off Jaws' lap, and scooped up your plate, glass, and eating utensils. "If it's alright, I could wash dishes while I wait for my clothes. I mean, you guys treated me to breakfast, it's the least I can do." 

"ya don't gotta do that, kid." Sans pushed himself up, though he left his dishes on the table. "ya got enough on your plate already."

You shrugged, and took your dishes in the sink, and carefully placed them inside. It wasn't until you heard Papyrus screaming at his brother, and a multitude of groans from other skeletons from around the table, that you realized he had told you a god awful pun. 

Great.

* * *

 After a quick nap on the couch, a result of too many pancakes, you were woken up by Papyrus giving you a warm stack of neatly folded clothes. Even your pink underwear was in the stack, much to your relief. You quickly changed out of your loaned clothes, giving them to an insistent Papyrus, and headed back to the garden. Today, you spent most of your time closer to the pond, hacking away at the weeds that were beginning to take over the rocks there. Most of it was ivy and dandelions, with some leafy things you didn't know the name of. Every time you ripped some up, a thick white sap would ooze form the tubular stems. 

You wiped your hands off on your shorts for the second time in the last five minutes, smearing some of the sour smelling mixture onto the denim. It was safe to say you should probably throw them in the wash as soon as you got home. You tossed a tubular stem into the trash pile, before resting on your haunches. You zoned out as you watched dragonflies flit over the lake, fish occasionally popping up and scarring them away, and splashing the water with their tails. It was pretty peaceful now, especially since the skeletons had stopped screaming at each other about an hour ago. With the early afternoon sun beating down on your back, and your still very full stomach, it almost felt like a good idea to lay down and take a nap. Just the thought had you stifling a yawn with your wrist, your eyes squeezing shut against the sun. When you opened up your eyes again, you screamed and jolted back, a rock knocked into your spine, causing pain to rumble down the bone and a squeal of pain to leave your lips. 

The skeleton just stared down at you, hands stuffed into his off gray hoody pockets, his drawn up hood making his Christmas colored eye lights stand out even in the middle of the daylight. "you done?"

"Y-yeah." You sat up, your hand flying up to rub a the parts of your back you could actually reach. Light touches made the skin sting, you were probably bleeding. "You just scared me is all."

"..."

You grabbed your hat from off the ground, and shoved it back down on your head, before pushing yourself off the ground. "Was there something you needed, Addict?"

"yeah, actually." He dug his left hand out of his pocket, revealing a thin black device. "the ring leader wanted me to give this to you. came in a few hours ago or somethin'."

You took the phone, and hit the power button, a shock of blue flew across the screen and it went straight to a home screen. A bottle of ketchup with a smiley face was the picture, and you already had a text from someone. You hit the icon, and it had a list of several numbers you recognized. "I thought my phone was totaled?" You began saving the numbers into the contacts menu, the first one being your mother's. "How did he get them out?"

"magic."

You looked up from your phone. "Seriously, magic can do that?" He stared at you for several seconds, before turning on his heel and trudging to the back porch. "Wait, you didn't answer my question!"

The door slamming was your only response. 

* * *

You groaned as you laid on your own bed. Your damp hair was spread out around you, and your towel was the only thing covering your body. It had been a long day, far too long for you. The garden had taken up most of your attention, and a quick pizza had been your only break until stopping time. Once again you had shared it with Jaws and his brother, you weren't sure how those two kept finding you when you were eating, and then it was back to the daily grind. You'd gotten plenty done again today, despite the desperate desire to just fall asleep in the sun with an ice cold tea. Hell, you might even be able to bring in some fertilizer here soon and begin healing the soil. Not that it was too bad in the first place, but healthy soil would lead to healthy plants, which would lead to healthy skeletons. 

You groaned when your phone began vibrating on your nightstand. You sat up, your towel falling to the floor, and opened up the texting app. It was another text from Keisha, and a meme from Emily. Not getting in contact with either of them had gotten them worried, and when you had finally called Keisha, you could hear Emily cursing you out in the background, demanding to know if you were just a ghost. After reassuring her that it wasn't a one night stand gone wrong, it had all been smooth sailing from there, for the most part. You tossed the phone back onto the nightstand, and got off the bed. You changed into your panties and a sweater, before trudging back to your kitchen. you flicked on the light and opened up the fridge, your lips pursing as you stared at the options available to you. "Wine, wine, wine, apples, wine..."

You needed real food. 

You took out a bottle of Riesling, before slamming the door shut, and putting the bottle on the counter. A quick run to your room, and you ordered a sub from your usual sub joint. It was a place where you had memorized the menu, and knew the old lady that took your order. Two years of living on your own, and refusing to learn how to cook, typically made you use her very convenient service. It helped that the old woman would let you stutter and rehash your order as many times as you needed, never yelling at you, or getting that 'polite annoyed person' voice that you had down to an art form. 

A full glass of wine, the TV set to a cheesy romance, and all you were missing was your sub. You were just shooting a response to another meme Emily sent, when there was finally a knock on your door. You set down your phone, and went back to the living room, and opened the door. A lanky blonde young man was at the door, he had a box cradled in one hand, and his phone in the other. He was probably a college student, and if that black eye was anything to go by, he probably got into one too many fights. The fingers gripping the door were numb now, and your mouth was going dry looking at him. He raised an eyebrow and extended the hand with the box."Total's four-fifty."

"Y-yeah. Right, I've got the money in the..." You took the box, and went back into your house, shutting the door behind you. Why were you so clammy now, and where the hell was Sunny? Normally the old lady's grandson dropped off your food, instead it was some weirdo you didn't know. You went further back into the house, and slammed your room door open. You picked through the dirty laundry hamper, and tugged on a floral print skirt, ignoring the fact it didn't match your sweater. Next was finding your wallet, hidden inside your work purse, and dragging out a five dollar bill. You hurried back to the front of the house, and began popping your free hand. It was just giving the guy the proper money and his tip, it wasn't too hard, you could do this. You licked your lips, and tore the door open. The guy looked up from his phone, and you shoved the money into his hands. "T-tip's included."

"Thanks."

You didn't give him a chance to finish, the door was slammed in his face. You could already hear your mother now, griping about manners and how people knew other people. Hell, she probably would be upset that you had opened the door in just your sweater and panties. You let your head lean against the door and shut your eyes, taking in deep breaths from your mouth. Your fingers had long stopped popping properly, and now were just being bent in strange angles. It felt like the room was way too warm, and your eyes were beginning to burn. Was that sweat or tears? 

Probably both.

You pushed yourself off the door, and went to the table. You snatched up the glass of wine, and downed the entire thing in two gulps. Another glass was poured up, and downed in record time. It wasn't enough though, the voices were still doing dances through your head. You'd never interacted well with blonds, but that guy...He was the worst, wasn't he? You downed another glass of wine, and hadn't even finished swallowing before you were pouring the last of the bottle into the glass. You sipped at the drink, this time going a little slower, as you made your way into your room. Getting your ankle twisted in a stubborn skirt, you let yourself stumble and fall onto the bed, your drink spilling down your front, and the greedy fabric of your sweater soaking it all up. You set the old wine glass onto the nightstand, and yanked up your phone. 

You'd only gotten back five contacts from Sans. Emily, Keisha, Marty, your mother, and...

The phone only rang twice before a tired voice finally picked up. "Yes?"

"Meet me at the usual place."

"Wait is this seriously-"

"Take it or leave it..."

"Give me fifteen minutes."

The dial tone rang in your ear, practically laughing at you. Shaky hands reached out, and used the table as support as you pushed yourself up. The numb feeling in your chest had started up now, and the burning in your eyes was even worse than it had been when you made the call. You laughed it off though, throwing on that backless red dress, enough eye shadow to make your eyes pop, and that perfume you hadn't been able to throw out.

Kinda like that number. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo~! Character development, shit is gonna start happening. We're finally out of the prologue phase after the next chapter, I'm happy. I got so many people saying Blackberry was sweet, and it makes me laugh, because Blackberry is...Weird. And so is Jaws, but he's cute. XD Anyway, you can thank author-of-sin for the nickname Axe will start giving Dealer, she gave me the idea for it. You can also thank Punny_Fan for the one Blackberry will give her. XD
> 
> And for those of you who noticed Mutt has been gone the entire time? 
> 
> Good eyes.
> 
> Know what doesn't have good eyes? My tumblr! http://nihilismpastry.tumblr.com/
> 
> (You guys are free to ask questions about Dealer and the skeles over there, if you want.)


	7. Blunts Burned Faster...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Than your patience, and your alcohol. Oh, and...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore Level: None!
> 
> This is starting to become concerning...

The next week was very much the same. You woke up, you jammed some breakfast in your face, you hurried to get to your job, and you tried to pull that backyard into the garden. Sometimes you'd have lunch with Jaws and Axe, or Papyrus would come out to see how you were doing, but otherwise you were very much alone for most of your task. Not that you minded too much, with all the yelling you heard from the house, and Jaws' updates on their housemates' rowdy dispositions, you weren't sure you could handle so much hullabaloo. It had been nice that once, but too much would probably drive you to yell at your employers, or at least drive you to drink. It was already stressful enough to ensure your underwear and phone stayed out of Jaws' greedy hands. You had already found two pens, a rubber band, and a packet of sugar you'd left in your pocket from breakfast. You weren't even sure how the skeleton was doing it, his knee was the only thing ever touching you, and you always kept an eye on his hands.

Then there was Axe.

He had the strangest tendency to stare at you while eating. He wouldn't speak to you, and would hardly answer his own brother. His sockets were fixed to your mouth while you shoved food into it, his own eating robotic and slow. It was disturbing at the best of times, and at the worst of times you thought he was thinking about eating you. Jaws had insisted you didn't worry about it, and told you that if Axe didn't like you, he'd had made it clear by now. If staring at you with the same gaze the devil would give a gullible soul wasn't a call for concern, then you weren't sure what was.

Outside of that, there wasn't any real hardships about your job. In fact, you could say it was pretty comfortable, all things considered. If anything your landlord liked it, the rent was always pushed out on time, and he hadn't had to come banging down your door this month since you payed three months in advance. Then there was the fact you didn't have to skip a meal, or decide if you wanted clean clothes, or to take a shower. Hell, even your employers weren't the worst things on the planet, they left you alone, and you could get your job done without them breathing down your neck. Yup, that was probably the best perk there was. Whenever Papyrus came outside to see you, he didn't demand to know why you made three different trash piles, he just handed you a tall glass of ice cold water, and ask if you'd like to sit under the A/C for awhile. 

Honestly, he was probably too good for this world.

You yawned and fumbled with your keys as you made your way inside your apartment. It was the end of another long day of work, and tomorrow would be the final work day of the week. Sans had been kind enough to let you set your own hours, but in the end you decided a six day work week suited you just fine. You wanted to get done with the initial weeding and planting as soon as possible. Speaking of which, you needed to go online and order some more of the herbs off your list. You stifled another yawn as you swung open your apartment door, and walked into a house smelling heavily of chili and chicken. 

"Please tell me you guys aren't drinking my wine." You said as you made a beeline for the kitchen. However, it was just as you expected. Emily was sitting on the counter, sipping away at a glass of wine, and a tall woman with wild curls and a sleeve of tattoos laboring over the stove. Emily caught sight of you first, and waved you over. "Heya, Drug Lord. How're you doing?"

"I said my wine is off limits."

"It's not _your_ wine." She said, holding up a bright blue bottle that had a white sticker slapped on it. "Keisha bought some on the way home from work."

"It's a new brand from France." Keisha said. "It's got a nice dry taste, but not too dry. Better than the other brand I got." She pointed the metal spatula at an empty green bottle that sat next to the blue one. "That was a waste of ten bucks."

"Guys," You decided to try being direct. "I love you both...But why are you here?"

"We wanted to throw you a party." Keisha said. "A congratulations on getting a job, sort of thing."

"Yup!" Emily poured up another glass of wine. You wondered how much she had downed since before you'd got here. "If it means I can wreck this girl anytime I want without you staring-"

"I walked in one time!"

"You're a walking cock block. That's unforgivable in my book." 

Keisha gestured to a package of paper plates. "Can we be adults for five minutes and eat? Emily, Flower Baby isn't coming back to live on our couch. And Flower Baby," She gave a saucy wink. "Emily ain't even that good."

Emily sputtered her outrage, ignoring the plates entirely as she began listing all the reasons why she was the best Keisha had ever had. You watched the two women bicker, a smile slowly spreading on your face as you followed them into the living room. You sat beside Keisha, and grabbed your remote, flicking through the channels to find something watchable. This seemed to drag Emily out of her flirty banter, you didn't know how arguing could become flirting, and she leaned across Keisha to try and get the remote. "Oh! Gimme, I wanna try to pick something."

"We're not watching another horror flick."

"Nah, I know you're all about that romantic life." She gave you a wicked grin. "Maybe you can find a romance about lesbians."

"Oh god."

"Maybe they can be black and Korean?"

"Don't I see enough of that here?"

Keisha gently took the remote from you, and changed the input over to your gaming console. "Or, we could just play some Skyrim?"

"Yeah."

"That works too."

* * *

The next day you woke up three hours late, and with the headache from hell. You pushed yourself off yourself onto your elbows, your eyes blinking away the early morning sun. You stared at your window for a moment, before you became aware of the incessant beeping from your phone. You groaned and leaned over to your coffee table, and snatched up your phone. You typed in the numerical password, before going to the alarm and turning it off. A glowing red in the corner of the screen caught your eye, and you immediately regretted clicking on it. "Ten text messages?"

Two were from...

You deleted them without even opening them. 

The next four were from Emily, druken texts if the impossible grammar was anything to go by. There were two texts from Keisha, these were easier to read, which made sense since Keisha could probably drink god under the table. One was from your mother, which you didn't open in fear of burning your eyes, and finally there was another text from an unknown number. You clicked on it, fully expecting it to be a porn bot or something, you needed to stop using your phone for that, but instead found something else entirely. 

**???: knock knock**

Either it was some kind of spam, or it was a virus waiting to happen. Taking the plunge, you responded with the traditional 'who's there', before shutting off your phone and slogging through your morning routine. It was far too late for much of a real breakfast, even oatmeal took you forever, so instead you jammed two pop tarts into your very old toaster. You then grabbed your phone, and dragged yourself back to your room, throwing on clothes that looked remotely clean. It was already laundry day, and of course there was almost nothing left to wear again. You stared at the lacy blue thong in your hand for a quarter of a second, before throwing caution to the wind and putting it on. You made sure to wear a belt with your shorts, not wanting your thong to get stolen again, before tapping the Uber app and getting a ride to work. On your way out the door, you shot a text to both Keisha and Emily, telling them that you hadn't woken up dead, and that you hoped they both had a wonderful day. 

* * *

Surprisingly enough, it wasn't Papyrus or Jaws waiting for you on the front porch that day. Instead it was Blackberry, his arms crossed, tapping his foot, and his sockets narrowed. The eye light in his right eye seemed to spark as you got out of your ride. "HUMAN, YOU'RE THREE AND A HALF HOURS LATE."

"You know I don't have a schedule, right?"

"BUT IF YOU START A ROUTINE IT'S STUPID NOT TO CONTINUE IT." You hummed and made your way to the backyard, the small skeleton following behind you. He shut the gate for you, and stayed there while he watched you drop your bag of tools to the ground. "BESIDES, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAVE MUCH OF A LIFE ANYWAY."

"And you'd know that how?"

"YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA." You stared dumbstruck as he slipped a phone with a purple case out of his pocket. He tapped the screen a few times, before turning it towards you. "MONSTERS ARE ALLOWED TO USE THE 'SURFACE' INTERNET NOW, DESPITE ALL THE RUMORS." You barely heard him as you stared at your own profile picture, just a standard selfie of yourself in your bathroom, wearing a black dress Keisha had gotten you for your birthday. "YOUR FRIEND COUNT IS DEPRESSINGLY LOW, AND YOU HAVE ALMOST NO MEMORIES ON THIS PARTICULAR APP."

You looked up from the phone, to his face. A light shade of blue dusted his cheek bones, and his eye lights had softened, the edges becoming sharper. "How do you even know my name? I haven't really told you guys, and it's not like I wear it on a collar or something."

"NO, BUT YOU SHOULD." He said. "YOUR TABLE MANNERS ARE HIDEOUS. THEY'RE CLOSER TO AN ANIMAL THAN A LIVING BEING."

"Animals are alive."

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN." His sockets narrowed as he stared at you, the light blue becoming more pronounced. "IN FACT, MAYBE I SHOULD JUST CALL YOU KITTY. YOU HAVE THE MANNERS, BRAINS, AND DIALECT OF ONE."

"I do not!"

He slipped his phone back into his pocket, and crossed his arms over his chest, leering at you. "YES, YOU DO. YOU'RE PROVING IT RIGHT NOW, IN FACT."

You opened your mouth to retort, but the backdoor swung open, and Mutt came out of the house. He had a chipped mug in one hand, and a file full of papers in the other. He took one look at you and his brother, before slowing his pace. "do i even want to know?"

"No."

"YES."

Mutt sighed and took a gulp from his coffee, his head tilting all the way back in his effort to drink down the caffeine. It was so strong, you could smell it and the vanilla creamer all the way from where you were standing. Once the mug was polished off, he handed the wad of papers to his brother. "i need your signature on all of these within the next twenty minutes."

"YOU'RE MOVING THAT SLOW?"

"is it getting done?"

"..."

You watched the smaller skeleton huff and snatch the file from his brother. He glanced back to you for a moment, before marching back into the house, and slamming the door behind him. Mutt remained behind, and now that his brother was gone, you took your time to stare at the pond. It was probably rude avoiding looking at him like this, but you honestly couldn't help it. His face was scary without any eye lights in them, and that jagged crack that ran down the entire left side of his face. He looked like he would end up worse than Axe if he so much ran into a wall the wrong way. "Was there something you needed help with?"

"yeah, actually." You heard cloth shifting. "looks like my bro's pretty fond of you."

"Are you going to give me the big brother speech?"

"i'm his younger brother, but no." He took in a sharp breath, and bone scrapped against bone, making a chill go down our spine. "i just wanted you to know that. i'm not gonna take too much of your time. the pond looks like it's stealing enough."

You ripped your eyes away from the pond long enough to see him make his way back to the house. He stopped as he reached opened up the door, and glanced back at you. And, if only for a moment, you saw a glimmer of violet. 

* * *

You never got calls during the day. Emily was always busy at the gym she worked at, and Keisha worked the early shift at the day care. Marty was Marty, and probably didn't know how to call during work even if someone typed ina  number and handed him the phone.  Your mother was doing...Well, whatever it was that mother's did when they had too much time on their hands. Which was to say playing Candy Crush on her phone, or playing Farmville on Facebook, while her soaps played in the background. 

So it didn't occur to you to actually pick up the phone. 

But it kept ringing.

And ringing.

Annnnd ringing.

Annnnnd-

"Hello?"

"Put the TV on channel five, now!"

"Emily-"

"Now dammit!"

You dropped your trowel and pushed yourself up. The fact that you didn't have a TV clearly didn't occur to her, nor did the fact that she was calling you in the middle of work matter either. You trudged to the back porch, and let yourself in the house. The kitchen was abandoned at the moment, and that emboldened you enough to make your way to the living room. Addict was the only one there, he was stuffing something bright orange into your pocket as you sat beside him on the couch, and plucked up the remote off the arm. He silently watched you as you turned on their TV, and changed it to the channel Emily had specified. "Okay, it looks like there's a sale at Georgina's Boutique."

"Wait for the commercial to end, smart ass."  The jingle soon came to an end, and the blonde new anchor began rattling off the weather for that hour, before her image was shoved to the side, and a red headed man in front of a flaming apartment building was set next to her. "Do you see it?"

"..."

"Hey Y-"

You cut off the phone, and just watched as the red head prattled on about the fire in a monotone, ignoring the explosion of a window behind him, glass falling to the ground in a shower of shimmering ash. You dragged your hand to your chest, your fingers popping and snapping into strange angles, threatening to break after the initial pop was too hard. But what would a few broken digits be compared to the rest of your rotten luck? You'd finally gotten somewhere in life, and now it was all going up in flames, literally. You could even see your living room window, the glass already shattered, fire leaping out of it and blackening the sky with soot. 

It was unfair.

Life was unfair.

It hurt so much.

"her soul?" You jerked, and blinked your eyes, focusing now on the skeleton hunched over next to you. The orange was gone completely now, but his hood was pulled lower, and he'd gone as far as to actually zip it up for once. The Christmas colored eye lights stared at you from the shadow of his hood, the soft glow highlighting his smile, making it look far more sinister than what it usually was. "barely even worth it."

"W-what are you talking about."

It was his turn to blink, his eye lights darting to his left, before settling back on you. "why're you in the house?"

Because your house burned down. Emily wanted you to watch your home become ash, singed concrete, and broken glass. Watch as all your pride and hard work went out the window, and you had to try and cobble back together friendships as you slept on couches all over again. That's why you didn't have any more friends, not really. Kenneth, Amber, Jordan, Mickey, you'd stayed on all of their couches at one point or another. Hell, you were sure Emily and Keisha would have cut you off if you didn't stay on their couch for the tail end of your couch jumping stint. And were you ever really Marty's friend? Most days it didn't feel like it...

But then again you used him too.

You felt something warm on your shoulder, and you looked up. When had you closed your eyes? When had you started to cry? The tears blurred your vision, but you could see pale blue glowing from a pair of eye sockets. You reached up blindly dragging the comforting glow towards you, curling your arms around something stable and warm. As you buried your head in the soft tuft of fur, you could smell pencil shavings, with a hint of ozone, and a musty smell that reminded you of dusty books. "you're gonna be okay, kid. calm down. it's okay."

"It's all gone. It's all gone again. It's my fault again."

"no it's not." You felt something rigid and warm scrap against your back. "you've got a place to stay, remember?"

"N-no I don't! They all left me, I _used_ them, they hate me." 

The warmth pulled away and you let out a soft whine, and tried to pull it back in. It resisted, and the blue glow began to pulse, sending a pulse of warmth from your skull down to your toes. "you can always stay with us, remember? we're not gonna toss you away."

"Promise."

Never in your life, did you feel as warm and secure as you did then. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, she's finally living with the skeletons now. Life is gonna be strange, but it's gonna involve hot skeles, so yay? This story is officially out of the prologue stage, and back into the reason why you're probably reading this in the first place. Seeing hot human on skele action! 
> 
> Know what doesn't get any action? My tumblr! http://nihilismpastry.tumblr.com/


	8. Moving In And...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently living in the basement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore Level: None
> 
> This really scares me. I need to write gore!

After a good cry, a nap, and another cry, you were ready to function again. At some point Sans had passed you off to Papyrus, and had  disappeared, leaving you to sit on the larger skeleton's lap. Emily, Keisha, and even Marty had all called or texted you a few times, but you didn't have the energy to reassure them that you weren't going to go on a pilgrimage to go find your peace of mind. So instead you leaned against the skeleton a little while longer, taking in the scent of alcohol based cologne and smoke. "HUMAN, DO YOU FEEL BETTER?"

"Yeah, I mean it can't get much worse." You said, your voice quiet and hoarse. "At least I have a place to stay, so I'm happy."

The skeleton straightened up, and his grin stretched at the edges. "YOU'LL BE STAYING WITH US? OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL! YOU'LL BE ABLE TO MAKE SPAGHETTI WITH ME, AND WATCH THE NEW METTATON MOVIE AT THE END OF THE MONTH! YOU CAN EVEN SLEEP WITH ME, IT WILL BE LIKE A NEVER ENDING SLUMBER PARTY."

"Sure, that sounds fun."

Your eyebrows furrowed, and you tapped in the password to your phone, and brought up the calculator app. "Maybe I should get some things done today though...I can go see my landlord tomorrow, I'm sure everyone and their dog are flocking his office today." You typed in the full amount of cash you had in the bank. "I should really get some clothes, and some of my basics like a toothbrush and bath soap." As much as you were thankful to the guys for letting you use their soap the last time you stayed over, you didn't think it would be right to drain them of their things when you had the money to pick up some of necessities yourself. "And then some blankets and-"

"OH, MY BROTHER AND I CAN HANDLE THAT PART." Papyrus said. "YOU SHOULD JUST FOCUS ON THE THINGS YOU NEED IN THE HERE AND NOW."

"Are you sure?"

"OF COURSE." He gently pushed at your lower back, and you hopped off of him. "BESIDES, IF I LET YOU PICK SOMETHING OUT, IT MIGHT NOT BE FLAMMABLE."

"Uh-"

"NOW LET US GO HUMAN." He grabbed your wrist and dragged you through the living room and down a hall. He opened up a door, and entered a moderate sized laundry room that had two washers and dryers. There were baskets stacked all over the place, and a puddle of blue laundry soap on top of the silver washer. Papyrus hissed and yanked down a white towel that was just as stained, and started scrubbing away at it. "HONESTLY, NONE OF THEM UNDERSTAND THAT A CLEAN HOME IS ALSO AN INSPECTION FREE HOME."

"Inspection free?"

Papyrus didn't even bother to look back at you, and began folding the towel into a proper square. "IT WAS A COMMON PRACTICE UNDERGROUND TO BE CHECKED FOR SICKNESS. SINCE WE LIVED IN CLOSE SPACES, AND SICKNESS HAS AN AWFUL TENDENCY TO JUMP FROM ONE UNSUSPECTING MONSTER TO THE NEXT, WE HAD A SPECIAL INSPECTION ONCE A MONTH." He set the folded up square next to a gallon of dish washing liquid, in a rack hanging above the washing machine. When he turned back to you, he puffed out his chest, and you swore there was a loose bishounen sparkle gleaming in his teeth. "THE GREAT PAPYRUS HAS NEVER GOTTEN SICK, OF COURSE! I MADE SURE TO COMBAT THE GERMS WITH THE BEST CLEANING SUPPLIES SANS' PAYCHECKS COULD OFFER! THEY HAD NO WAY TO ESCAPE THEIR LEMON SCENTED DEMISE." He shook his head, and dug around in his pocket, pulling out keys that were loaded down with adorable key chains. "ANYWAY, WE SHOULD BE OFF. WE DON'T WANT TO BE ON THE ROAD ONCE RUSH HOUR COMES. ROAD RAGE HAS A TENDENCY TO POSSESS ME AT THAT TIME."

You didn't think road rage was something that could just 'posses' a person, but you didn't argue with him as he lead you out into a garage. The only thing parked inside was a sleek bright red sports car that looked suspiciously like something you would see in a Forza game. Papyrus clicked a button, and you watched as the doors lifted up, instead of opening outwards. You could only gawk at the black leather interior, and the chrome accents that practically screamed luxury. "I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKE MY CAR. I CAN'T IMAGINE ANY OTHER REASON WHY A HUMAN WOULD GAWK AND ALMOST ALLOW A FLY TO ENTER HER MOUTH."

You swatted the aforementioned fly away, and slipped into his car, the doors lowering down as soon as you did. "This is amazing, Papyrus. It's so..." Decadent was why you would use to describe a cake, or a fine piece of ass, and this car...Well, it was like a mixture of the two. "It's really cool, almost as cool as you."

You fully expected him to get cocky again, but instead his face took on an orange tint, and he jammed the key into the ignition. "WELL OF COURSE IT IS, HUMAN. I HAVE VERY HIGH STANDARDS, AND THIS CAR MEETS ALL OF THEM." 

He began to back out of the garage, explaining to you the complexities of the car, which soon flew over your head when he started talking about the differences between German and Japanese engineering. His voice and the car's powerful engine began to lull you into another nap, this one less fitful than before. 

* * *

The mall that Papyrus had taken you to wasn't very big. It was one of those malls that had a few name brand stores, a couple of electronic places, and a quaint selection of food shops. It was a place for the people living in the rich part of town to be able to shop at, who didn't want to take the full hour and a half trip to the mall on the other side of town. Most of them did it of course, mostly thanks to the better selection, and also thanks the mall housing the only bowling alley in the entire city. And while the prices made you really consider if you needed clothes, nudity around skeletons couldn't be scandalous, you enjoyed the fact that crowd was smaller and the noise level was bearable. 

Papyrus followed you around each shop, pointing out hings that he thought would look good on you, or even trying on things that looked good on him. Most days, you usually caught Papyrus wearing armor and cape of some kind, but there were other times when he wore 'civilian clothes'. Most of them involved shirts that had bold patterns, and pants that had equally bold colors. While it was too wild and crazy for you, the skeleton was not only able to pull it off, but he was confident while doing it. He didn't seem to care that his own outfit of the day consisted of black pants, pink tennis shoes, and an orange top that had blue buttons. On him, the colors didn't really clash together, maybe because he willed it to work with magic or something, lucky bastard. 

You bought only the clothes that you would really need. Mostly some shorts and tank tops for when you worked out in the garden, a few dresses and skirts for the nights you adventured outside of the house, and of course some underwear and bras. And while you were fond of lace, thongs, and lingerie in general, you figured buying it with your new housemate would be a stupid thing to do. Not only would it make the shopping trip unnecessarily awkward, but the hate groups roaming the area could get wind of a 'monster lover'. It was a general taboo to date outside your species, with both monsters and humans disapproving it. While monsters didn't seem to do much about their disapproval, there had been a few lynchings of humans that had dared to 'fuck scum'. There was no way you wanted to poke that hive of bees without any real need to do so. 

A yawn escaped you mouth, and you hauled yourself to the nearest bench. Papyrus had ran off to go get you both some lemonade, leaving you with your small mountain of bags. That was alright with you, as much as you liked the skeleton, you needed a minute or two to recharge your social batteries. You carefully set the bags down, and slipped your phone out of your shorts' pocket. You clicked in the pass code, and went to your texting app. You sent a quick one to Emily first, knowing the entire exchange was going to last loner than a quick: 'I'm okay. Lol'. You then shot another on to Keisha, this one actually telling her that you had a place to stay. You figured she would take that better than Emily, and might even accept it better coming from her wife anyway. Still not having the emotional capacity to bother with your mother's text, you moved onto the next one. It was the mid-way part of a knock knock joke...

**???: Fired**

Fired? 

You checked the time stamp, it was sent earlier that morning, likely on the cab ride to the skeleton house. You double checked the number, but no one came to mind as you stared at it. You had changed your number when you got the new phone, and none of your ex-friends had your phone number. There were no ex-boyfriends either, you hadn't kept a steady relationship since high school, and that was a good while ago. It couldn't be any of your one night stands, you never exchanged numbers, and hardly ever went back to any of them for a round two. That mean it had to be-

"HERE'S YOUR DRINK, HUMAN." You looked up, and took the large lemonade from Papyrus. "THERE WERE SO MANY DIFFERENT SELECTIONS FOR SUCH A SIMPLE DRINK. I WONDER IF HUMANS LIKE COMPLICATED THINGS, OR IF YOUR TOO COMPLICATED FOR SIMPLE THINGS."

"I think it's the first one."

"OF COURSE." He sat down next to you, shifting a few of the bags over. "OH, YOU'RE TALKING TO MY BROTHER? I APOLOGIZE IF HE SENDS ANY INAPPROPRIATE PICTURES, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO BREAK HIM OF THE HABIT SINCE BEFORE THE BARRIER BROKE." 

"This is Sans' number?"

He nodded. "IT'S HIS PERSONAL PHONE NUMBER. THE ONE HE CONTACTED YOU WITH ORIGINALLY WAS PROBABLY HIS WORK PHONE, HE BROKE IT AGAIN RECENTLY."

You took a sharp sip of your drink, letting the cold numb your brain as you deleted the half-assed joke. The time stamp was well before you got to work, and well before that fire could have even gotten started. The news anchor said it started at eleven thirty, and you got the text at nine something, that was before you even made it to the skeleton house hold. You sucked harder at your drink, and clicked out of the texting app, and shoved the phone back into your shorts. You weren't even going down that road of thought, there wasn't any evidence that Sans set your house on fire. While monsters were prone to doing some very weird shit, going full on pyromancer on random housing locations wasn't something they usually did. Hell, your building actually had a very strict 'no monster' policy, a monster couldn't have even gotten through the front door. 

The thoughts helped ground you to reality, and slowly you eased back into the conversation Papyrus was mostly having with himself. Apparently lemonade was one of his favorite drinks, and somehow humans had managed to outdo themselves by adding a twist of lime to it...

* * *

When you both got home, you were going to have to get used calling this place 'home', Sans met you both at the door. His hands were stuck in his pockets, and he had an off brown grime caked to the side of his skull. "got back just in time, we got your room done."

"AND BY 'WE', THE ASSHOLE REALLY MEANS 'ME'." Blackberry snapped from his place beside the couch. He had changed out of his usual 'armor', and into a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. It was the first time you had seen him without his boots, and he was so much smaller without them. "I REARRANGED THE BASEMENT TO FIT YOU AND YOUR THINGS, KITTY. NO HELP FROM OUR WONDERFUL WARDEN."

"i showed you wear blue stashed his old furniture."

"YOU POINTED AT IT."

"i know, pretty hard work."

 Blackberry rolled his eye lights, before marching over to you and Papyrus, and snatching that bags Papyrus was holding. "WELL COME ON, DON'T MAKE ME WAIT, KITTY."

You decided not to fight it, and followed him down the hall. You both came to a door at the end of the hall, and Blackberry kicked it open. You didn't know exactly what you were expecting when he said you would be living in the basement. Maybe a small room with brick walls, and cobwebs clinging to the corners? However, what you actually got was...It wasn't far off, honestly. The walls were made of brick, and you could see some cobwebs in the corners, but it didn't look as dank and scary as you though it would. There was a plush blue rug on the floor, and a twin sized bed shoved into the corner. A dresser was set up next to it, and an orange lamp was set on top of it, a white lampshade covering the bare bulb. It was a simple set up, but it was clean, and would keep off the rain until you could rent out a new place. 

You carefully go down the stairs, and you set the bags on the bed. "This is actually pretty nice."

"OF COURSE IT IS." Blackberry said. "I WOULDN'T ALLOW MY KITTY TO STAY IN ANY OLD PLACE, NOW WOULD I? PERSONALLY, I WANTED YOU TO STAY WITH ME, BUT THE IDIOT SAID YOU PROBABLY WANTED A PRIVATE SPACE." He spat the words, as if the very thought offended him. "I ONLY CONCEDED WHEN I REMBERED THAT NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO KNOCK AROUND HERE. WITH YOUR ROOM SO FAR OUT OF THE WAY, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE MANY INTERRUPTIONS." 

"From what?"

"ANYTHING I DEEM PRIVATE." 

And that answered nothing, but the small skeleton didn't seem to care as he helped you fold up your clothes, making the edges neat and the stacks square, and yelling at you when you just threw half assed bundles into the drawers. Blackberry was a stern teacher, and kept smacking your hand, but eventually you ended up making the same square shapes he did. He didn't mind touching your underwear and bras, but ended up with a hazy eye lights and blue smattering his cheek bones when you took out your socks. He flicked them away with a bone, and scooted closer to the edge of the bed, away from you and the flower printed socks. 

"WHAT ON EARTH ARE THOSE?"

"Socks..."

"YES, BUT WHY DID YOU GET THEM SO..."

"Girly?"

"ELABORATE."

You shrugged, and rolled them up into a ball, tossing them into your open underwear drawer. "They were just cute, I didn't know you had a sock fetish."

"IT'S NOT A FETISH, IT'S..." He abruptly stood up, knocking one of the paper bags to the floor. "I'M GOING TO START COOKING DINNER." He jabbed a gloved hand at you. "FINISH PUTTING THIS AWAY. AFTER DINNER I WILL HELP YOU FINISH WITH THE REST OF THIS MESS."

"Thanks, I guess?"

"I AM ONLY ENSURING YOU DO THINGS NEATLY." He said, but you still caught the way his eye lights turned hazy around the edges. "OH, AND THE IDIOT SAID THEY FIGURED OUT WHY YOUR HOUSE BURNED DOWN." 

"Really?"

"APPARENTLY IT WAS AN ELECTRICAL FIRE." He said, pausing on the staircase. "I DON'T KNOW THE SPECIFICS, BUT LONG STORY SHORT, YOU'RE NEVER ALLOWED IN MY KITCHEN."

And with that, he left you alone in your room, having more questions than answers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I'd update on the first, but apparently work was more important. Anyway! Papyrus and Human bonding time, Blackberry and human bonding time! Mostly because those two actually like Dealer. Next chapter we'll get out of this depressing rut, and go back to funny stuff. We'll also hang out with the other skeles, because everyone isn't exactly happy that she lives there...
> 
> Know who is happy! My tumblr! http://nihilismpastry.tumblr.com/


	9. Feeding Time Requires...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A different cook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore Level: None
> 
> I'm getting rashes from not doing gore...

You yawned as you flipped through the channels on the TV. It'd only been two days of living in the skeleton household, but you thought you had gotten over the loss of your apartment well enough. A quick visit to your landlord, and apparently his outraged husband, revealed that the fire had started in your apartment. Your old toaster still had pop tarts in it, and eventually it caught on fire, and no one noticed until the entire building was in flames. You were lucky you weren't sued, but apparently the landlord wanted to keep the insurance money in his pocket, and also didn't want to deal with the new equality laws passed two months ago regarding housing. 

And with that, your old life was pretty much chucked away. Your new life now comprised of avoiding the constant arguments between your house mates, getting the garden on spot, and slowly getting your new room together. At the moment you were in your room, and trying to set up your new PS4. You'd ordered both the TV and the gaming console online and had it expressed shipped. In the long run, it was cheaper than having to call an Uber and go all the way back to town for something that didn't have to exactly be inspected. You sighed and pressed the power button to the gaming console, and let it begin its flurry of updates once again. That would probably take another thirty minutes, and a quick check with your phone declared it was certainly time for some dinner. You shoved your phone into your shorts' pocket, and made your way up the stairs. Upon opening the door, the muffled shouting you had mostly ignored came at you full force, becoming more and more obnoxious the closer to the kitchen you got. 

What you ended up finding made even your sloppy sensibilities shudder. There was smoke in the air, and it smelled vaguely sweet, as if someone had put some brown sugar on fire. There was a black splotch on the tiled floor, and a wet towel next to it, hinting that a fire actually happened. The pot on the stove was bubbling over, the water becoming steam as it hit the stove eye. There were ingredients strewn all over the counter tops, and a packet of shredded cheese was dumped over and mixed with salsa that had spilled out of the jar. Red was sitting at the table, his head propped up on his hand, watching his brother pour a thick, brown sludge into a pan. His red eye lights flicked over to you, but he didn't say anything as you sat down beside him. "Blackberry isn't cooking?"

"THE BRAT ISN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS THE DELICATE OPERATION OF A KITCHEN, HUMAN." Edge sneered as he sat the bowl in a sink filled with soapy dish water. "IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT HUMANS HAVE VERY SIMPLE TASTES WHEN IT COMES TO FOOD AND OTHER THINGS THEY CONSUME, SUCH AS MEDIA AND BEVERAGES." He jabbed a spoon in your direction, a glop of the goop falling onto the floor with a loud splat. "I SHALL EDUCATE YOU ON THE AMBROSIAL CULINARY WORKS OF THE TERRIBLE EDGE!"

Ambrosial? Was the even a word? 

You shook your head as you pushed yourself up, not even wanting to try and taste test whatever atrocity that he was making. "I think I'm good, I mean I just ate some ice cream earlier, and I don't think my stomach can handle ambrosia since I'm a lowly mortal-"

"SIT!" You felt a strong force  grip your body, and could taste ozone and something metallic as you were dragged back onto the chair. It faded away as soon as you were sitting, but it left your chest feeling numb. "I WANT YOU TO WITNESS THIS IN FULL, HUMAN. EATING A MASTER PIECE IS ONLY A MINUSCULE PART OF ITS CONSUMPTION. SEEING HOW THE MASTER PIECE WAS CREATED IS A FEAST FOR THE EYES, AS WELL AS YOUR DIGESTIVE BITS."

Did he mean your entire digestive tract, or just your stomach? You didn't think your intestines really enjoyed much of anything, but you didn't bother to argue that point with a skeleton of all things.

And so you were forced to witness his absolute butchery of the art of cooking. You didn't know how to cook much more than oatmeal, but you were pretty sure milk didn't get mixed in salsa, or that the salsa needed to get poured into a waffle bowl. He ended up dumping some olives and chili peppers into it too...And habanero peppers...And ghost pepper. Your eyes were watering by the time he shoved the tray full of filled waffle cones into the oven.

"NOW WE MUST LET THE DIFFERENT INGREDIENTS MARINATE INTO AN EXPLOSION OF FIERY FLAVOR. ACCOMPANIED, OF COURSE, WITH THE PERFECT WINE." His gaze turned to his brother. "GO GET THE WINE FROM THE FREEZER."

Instead of getting up, Red flicked his index finger, and the freezer door opened. Your eyes widened when a large violet bottle floated out of the freezer and floated across the kitchen, surrounded in a haze of wine red magic. You twisted back to him, and noticed that his left eye was crackling aflame with the same dark red magic that surrounded the bottle. "That's amazing."

"ya seen a talkin' skull, 'nd this what get's ya all excited? 'm hurt, sugar tits."

"But this is magic." You stress, watching as the bottle was carefully set in front of you. "I've never seen magic before, at least not without a Ouija board or something. This," You gestured to the freezer Red had slammed shut with his magic. "is so much cooler."

"gotta agree with my bro." Sans said, returning to his earlier position, the red flames dying down into a gentle throb within both eye lights. "humans 're pretty fuckin' simple."

It wasn't that you were simple, at least you didn't think so, it was more that you had never seen magic. You hadn't really interacted much with monsters outside the occasional Uber driver or cashier. Those situations never needed a call for magic, and as such you never got a chance to experience it. On top of that there was a general stigma against using magic in public, more than once you'd heard on the news about monsters getting arrested for using their magic in public spaces, and causing a panic that often cost some kind of damage. Then again, maybe it was a little over dramatic to get all excited over a floating bottle. Maybe you should have saved your reaction to him calling you by your name, or at least something that wasn't as degrading as Sugartits...

A shrill ding came from somewhere in the kitchen, and your eyes watered as Edge popped open the oven. The smell was indescribable, and you were sure that the tears running down your cheeks were brought on thanks to the very thought of eating it, not due to the ungodly amount of spice currently bleaching the air of all other smells. Was your nose going numb, or was it just your imagination? 

You flinched as Edge set plates in front of both you and Red. The waffle cone was set in the middle, its bubbling filling threatening to burn your eyes off with all the steam wafting from it. There was fresh cilantro set on the side of the dish as a garnish of sorts, and cheese circled the very edge of the plate. It looked pretty fancy, and if the waffle cone wasn't trying to melt your face off, you might have even convinced yourself it wouldn't be too bad to try and take a bite. 

"WELL, HUMAN?"

"..."

Red slid a fork over to you, while raising his own, which was already loaded down with some of the off purple goop. "hope ya said yer prayers, sugartits."

Wow, way to be ominous, asshole.

You plucked up your fork, and looked up at the glowering skeleton. His cherry red eye lights stared down at you, as if daring you to just push the devil plate away. You took a deep breath, your lungs burning from the tainted air, and stabbed your fork into the goop. It was thicker than you thought it would be, and you slung some of it onto the skeleton beside you in your effort to extract it from the muck. Red growled, like a fucking dog, and swiped the food off with two phalanges, before flicking it back at you. It made a squelch as it landed on your shorts, and you felt your stomach churn at the unappetizing sound. Running out of air, and the two skeletons running out of patience, you shoved the food into your mouth. 

You gagged as the off setting taste swirled in your mouth, managing to coat every taste bud despite your best efforts. Your teeth ached as you began chewing the oddly lumpy paste, and you swore you got plastic stuck between your teeth. Your gripped the table, all your energy going into keeping upright, and not spitting the food right out. Oh god, why was it taking so long for this shit to become swallowable? Yes, that was now a word, because this stuff was too close to liquid cement, and you didn't think that it could just be swallowed normally. 

"how's it, sugartits? boss' a good cook, huh?"

"..."

"WELL OF COURSE I AM!" The skeleton had the audacity to actually look proud of himself. "LOOK AT HER FACE, SHE IS IN ORGASMIC BLISS OVER THIS CREATION."

You finally managed to swallow, and suddenly felt thirty two weeks pregnant. Oh god, you could even feel it doing somersaults as it squirmed inside you. Should it even surprise you if this was how skeletons made other skeletons? Hell, maybe that's why Blackberry tried to feed you all the damn time. Fuuuck, did you have to pin him for child support? Maybe you should figure out if you even wanted a skeleton baby first-

"red, the fuck up was looking for you." Mutt said as he entered the kitchen, his vape pen between his teeth. "he's down at the lab."

Red pushed himself up, and used his magic to dump the entire plate of food onto your own plate. "figure since yer creamin' your panties over it, ya wouldn't mind a little more."

No, that wasn't what you were doing, but you couldn't even get your jaw to work as you watched Red wonder out of the kitchen, chuckling as he left. Bastard, why couldn't Sans call you for something, like...Like to go get groceries or something. You groaned and pressed a hand to your mouth, the other working on keeping you steady as you hobbled out of your chair, and began to make your way out of the kitchen.

"HUMAN!"

"E-Edge, I'm sorry, but I-"

"WASTING SUCH A GLORIOUS FEAST. PERHAPS I EXPECTED IT OUT OF MY INUTILE BROTHER, BUT I WOULD NOT HAVE EXPECTED IT OUT OF A HUMAN THAT WAS JUST UTTERLY GOBSMACKED FROM SOMETHINGS AS SIMPLE AS USING A LITTLE LEVITATION MAGIC. THIS," He gestured to the food, that had begun turning an putrid lime green. "IS FAR MORE SUPERIOR MAGIC."

"how much did you use?"

"MAGIC OR HOT PEPPERS."

You were nearly relieved when Mutt steadied you, keeping you from falling head first into the pile of slop. "you're gonna kill the human. good job, idiot." You flinched when he tilted your head back, forcing you to look him in the eye socket. They were empty as usual, and the darkness was so deep and dark, yet it felt like he was actually looking at you. It was the weirdest sensation you ever had, and it did nothing to help your raging stomach. You tried to look away, but his fingers tightened on your cheeks, and he bent down to your level, your nose nearly touched his own nasal cavity. "no, look at me."

"..."

"hey are you-"

What came out of you could only be described as a fountain. Chunks of red, green, and brown splattered all over the skeleton's face, and dripped onto his clothes and boots. You stared at him, wide eyed and you could feel your face burn as much as your tongue and gums did. You wanted to apologize, you really did, but the next spray of vomit getting out of your gullet was far more pressing. It didn't land on his face this time, but it did get on his clothes, and caused them to cling to his ribs. You could only stare up at the skeleton, blood thundering in your ears, and your mouth still slack jawed.

In the background you could hear Edge laughing his bony butt off, and smacking the table behind you. "IT'S DRIPPING OUT OF YOUR SOCKETS! I DOUBT I'VE SEEN ANYTHING FUNNIER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE."

And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...

He took a picture. 

Because that's what assholes with huge egos do.

They take pictures of embarrassing things, and would use them for blackmail later.

Good job Edge, you truly are the king of douche bags.

Mutt straightened up, more of the vomit sloughing off of him and onto the floor, and stuck his hands deep into his jacket pockets. Without a word he disappeared, the smell of ozone thick in the air, and all of his clothes were left on a pile on the floor. Not only did you get to see possibly the most impressive display of magic yet, you also learned that skeletons wore boxers. You promptly threw up all over them, as Edge suggested you finish the rest of his god forsaken meal. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, that happened...Dealer is just not making a good impression on Mutt, is she? Also, yes, the fire did happen thanks to the toaster. The toaster wanted her dead, but did the next best thing... I feel like Edge would have a lot of huge words in his vocabulary, but it's a lot of work making sure I'm using them in the right context. Let me know if I'm not. 
> 
> Know what won't let me know? My tumblr! http://nihilismpastry.tumblr.com/


	10. Vomiting Can...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lead to interesting discoveries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore Level: None
> 
> But I was close...
> 
> Also I have a lovely beta! Syrenkat made sure to iron out my grammar and spelling errors. She also helped a lot with getting this chapter into shape. Honestly, I'd probably be staring at a blank screen if she hadn't helped.

Apologies were never really your strong suit. You were pretty good at being guilty, but apologies normally came with a lot of stuttering, crying, and you just feeling awful the entire time. So you typically avoided them like the plague, and just hoped that the offended party would forget about your transgression. However, in this case, you highly doubted that Mutt was going to forget having vomit sprayed into his eye sockets. Likewise, you didn't think you could forget the terrible act, or Edge's laughter. Not that the jack ass would let you forget either, every time you passed him by, he would ask if you needed to: "Empty your digestive tract all over the floor."

Safe to say you were ready to put all of this behind you.

Since you didn’t have the awesome power of the TARDIS to back you up, you figured the next best thing would be apologizing to Mutt, and maybe being able to pretend that this never happened without feeling like the scum of the earth. But to do that, you’d need to actually speak to Mutt. As luck would have it, the skeleton was hardly ever around the typical ‘communal’ places in the house. In fact, you could count how many times you saw the elusive skeleton on one hand.

Hell, you even saw Addict more than you saw Mutt, and you were certain that the monotone skeleton was avoiding you like the plague.

You made your way up the stairs, and searched the second floor until you found the room you were looking for. It was considerably plain, compared to the other three with markings all over them. The only thing stuck to the door was a hanger attachment, and a sign that had Blackberry’s name, along with his rank from back in his days in the Underground’s version of the military. The skeleton had made it clear you were allowed to come to his room at any time, but this was the first time you were actually going to take him up on his offer. It wasn’t that you were nervous about going into a male’s room or anything, you were long past that stage in your life, but it was more that you didn’t know how to approach the subject of his brother.

From the few times you saw them interact, Blackberry seemed to hold his brother in contempt. You wanted him to take this seriously, not brush it aside because he didn’t care about his brother or something like that. Then again, it didn’t seem like the small skeleton took anything seriously that didn’t have to do with cooking and the kitchen.

Great, this was probably going to be a waste of time either way.

Regardless, you knocked on the door…

Just to get no answer, great. You never saw Blackberry leave the house any other time, you were almost certain it was against the many rules Sans placed upon them. It would just be your luck that Blackberry chose now of all times to sneak out. You began walking down the hall, when the door swung open. “WHAT DOES MY KITTEN NEED FROM ME?”

You turned around, fully prepared to argue the ‘my kitten’ part of his sentence, when the words died in your throat. Blackberry was leaning against the doorframe, a pair of shorts hanging low off his hips. Arctic blue droplets of, what you were hoping was magic, clung to his skull and dripped down his nasal cavity. You followed one that slipped down his neck, and dripped onto his ribcage. You had seen bare skeletons during Halloween, and during Ms. Ahmed’s biology class back in high school. However, it hadn’t really occurred to you that your housemates were skeletons all the way through. Maybe you had thought that they would have some kind of magical skin under their clothes, or some kind of filler that would explain how they could eat and feel. But there was none of that there, just a ribcage that had deep scars and cuts, and was slightly bent as the skeleton leaned against the doorway. It was a giant reminder that your housemates were Monsters, and were nothing like you.

“KITTY?”

“Uh, did I interrupt something?”

“I WAS JUST FINISHING MY PERSONAL TRAINING.” He said. “I WILL ALWAYS HAVE TIME FOR YOU, REGARDLESS.”

He gestured for you to follow him into his room, and shut the door behind you both when you did. Considering Blackberry’s personality, you had expected something along the lines of a clean room with bold colors, and maybe lots of cooking books. However, you were surprised to find just a bed, a small nightstand next to it, and an old fashioned alarm clock. The walls were painted a stark white, and the blankets on the bed were a plain brown. It looked like something out of a prison, not someone’s bedroom.

Not sure where else to sit, you made your way to the bed, and sat on the edge. “Thanks for letting me in, it was kinda important I spoke with you.”

Blackberry sat beside you, his eyes leveled with yours, his shoulders square, and spine straight. “I ASSUME IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH MY BROTHER?”

“You heard about what happened?”

“HE IS MY BROTHER.” He deadpanned. “AND I WOULDN’T WORRY ABOUT IT. MY BROTHER AND I HAVE GONE THROUGH WORSE THINGS IN THE UNDERGROUND. SLUSH FROM A HUMAN’S INSIDES ARE THE LEAST DISGUSTING THING WE’VE BEEN IN CONTACT WITH.”

You wondered if he would be so understanding if it happened to him.

“That’s not the point,” You said. “I still want to apologize for what I did. He was trying to help me out, and I…” You couldn’t even voice the words, your face already heating up just from thinking about it. “Could you help me? I know it sounds stupid and childish, but I don’t think I can face your brother alone. You don’t have to apologize for me,” You said quickly. “but if you could just be there, I dunno, in the background or something? Just be my moral support?”

The skeleton stared at you for a moment, before his frown became a sneer. “I ALREADY TOLD YOU IT’S POINTLESS TO APOLOGIZE. DO HUMANS REALLY FIND PUTTING THEMSELVES IN SUCH A VULNERABLE POSITION AMUSING?”

“There’s nothing vulnerable about it, I’m just saying some words.”

His sockets narrowed, and his eye lights became sharper around the edges. “APOLOGIZING IS MAKING YOURSELF VULNERABLE. YOU’RE DISPLAYING A WEAKNESS TO SOMEONE WHO COULD POTENTIALLY BE YOUR ENEMY. NOT THAT I WOULD EVER ALLOW MY BROTHER TO HARM YOU,” He assured. “BUT YOU ARE PUTTING YOURSELF AT A DISADVANTAGE TO SOMEONE WHO ALREADY HATES YOU.”

Way to be assuring, Blackberry. Not that you blamed Mutt for hating you, considering what you did to him, and how you never looked him in the face the few times you spoke. Actually, now that you were really thinking about it, Mutt probably thought you were a complete bitch. He might not even want an apology from you. Maybe it would be selfish to try and assuage your own guilt at the expense of his feelings.

Talking things out really shouldn’t be this hard.

“That might be the case, but it’s just the way humans do things.” You got off the bed, and smoothed out your skirt. “Do you mind taking me to your brother?”

His sockets smoothed out, but the sharp edges to his eye lights remained. Blackberry got off the bed, and went to the closet, his hand twisting the knob, but not opening up the door. “I’LL HELP YOU, KITTY. HOWEVER, I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT MY BROTHER IS NOT THE TYPE OF PERSON TO SIMPLY ACCEPT THINGS LIKE WEAKNESS. BRINGING HIM THE SKULL OF ONE OF HIS ENEMIES WOULD MAKE A BETTER APOLOGY THAN DEMEANING YOURSELF LIKE THIS.”

And on that note, you left the skeleton to get dressed.

* * *

Apparently Mutt spent most of his time locked away in his bedroom. Blackberry had to kick the door in so you both could actually enter it. The skeleton looked up from a pile of papers on his desk, blinking his sockets slowly, and his shoulders slouched forward. “what do you want?”

“THE HUMAN WANTED TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU.” The words were cold, and said through clenched teeth. He grabbed your wrist and pushed you forward, almost causing you to fall onto the skeleton’s lap. “NOW SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH MY HUMAN.”

Blackberry went to the small bed shoved in the corner, sat down, and crossed one leg over the other. He looked like a haughty king, watching his servants put on some kind of play for his own amusement. Your gaze turned away from the smaller skeleton, and back to his younger brother. This time, you tried to keep your gaze on his face, swallowing your fear and embarrassment. “Uh, I actually came to apologize for you know,” You could already feel your face heating up. “the thing I did yesterday. You were just trying to help, I think, and I messed up pretty bad. I-It’s only fair that I try to make it up to you, because I really shouldn’t have done that.”

“you’re groveling.”

“W-what do you mean?”

“groveling is begging. if my brother has some kind of interest in you, i doubt it’s because you’re pathetic enough to grovel.” He sat up fully now, leaning partly against his cluttered desk, shoulders still slouched. “you’re gonna have to think of something better than that.”

“It’s just an apology.”

“I TOLD YOU IT WOULDN’T WORK HUMAN.” Blackberry said. “MONSTERS DO NOT DO THINGS WITH EMOTIONAL VULNERABILITY AT THE FOREFRONT OF THEIR INTERACTIONS.”

Well, according to Blackberry, the only way you were going to apologize to Mutt was by murdering someone. Using the very specific word ‘skull’ instead of ‘head’, you assumed it had to be Sans. Everyone except Papyrus and Jaws seemed to hate him on some level or another. You wondered if it was because Sans was the one who basically regulated their lives, or if they just disliked him as a person.

Well, as it would happen, you weren’t in the business of murder. Seeing as the big bad Monsters simply couldn’t accept an apology without strings attached, you decided to do the next best thing. You bent down, and picked up the loose sheets of paper off the floor, and stacked them up neatly, before putting them on the desk. Mutt and Blackberry silently watched as you continued to pick up clothes, pens, the occasional syringe, and other trash off the cluttered floor. Just like outside, you made piles for the different things you ended up finding, dividing them up by what needed to be thrown out, what should be kept, and what Mutt would need to look at before it could go in the other two piles.

Eventually Mutt went back to his paperwork, and Blackberry idly chatted with you, but made no real effort to help outside of putting his feet on the bed to keep out of the way while you cleaned. Not that you really wanted his help, since Mutt couldn’t just accept an apology, you figured cleaning would be the next best way to show your remorse. And, compared to your own room, it really wasn’t that bad. You moved to another small pile of clothes that were haphazardly shoved into a corner, but a violet bone erupted from the pile, causing you to drop the socks you were picking up.

“you’re really stupid, aren’t you?”

“What am I doing wrong now?”

“didn’t the humans release an encyclopedia of monster norms online when we surfaced?”

“Yeah…”

“you didn’t read it?”

“...”

“well let me enlighten you then.” He pushed himself up and walked over to you. His sockets were narrowed, and you felt yourself taking a step back, hitting your back against the wall. You felt your face heat up, and your heart pound in your chest as his hand slammed onto the wall next to your head, and he carefully took one of your hands, his fingers trailing against the soft skin. “tainting your hands like this in front of my brother, you’re really a tricky minx, aren’t you?”

“BROTHER.” Blackberry's tone held a hint of warning.

You could smell ozone in the air, and the bones touching your skin became warmer, as if a furnace was suddenly ignited inside the skeleton. “i’m just making a point. the little minx doesn’t know that socks are-”

“THAT’S MORE THAN ENOUGH.” You could hear cloth shift, and something heavy hit the floor. “SHE’S NOT YOURS.”

The hand trailed up from your hand, along your arm, up your neck, until he was tilting your head up. Your face felt like an inferno, and the soul sucking gaze of his sockets was doing nothing to calm your beating heart. Your fingers curled as his face came closer to your own, his teeth just inches from your ear. “they’re like underwear.”

An arctic blue filled your vision, and your chest felt like someone had dropped a brick on it. You didn’t even have enough breath in your lungs to scream as you were lifted straight into the air, and then dropped onto the bed. Your skirt rode up your legs, and your head was at an awkward angle, but you were certainly on a stable surface. You scrambled up into a sitting position, and watched as Blackberry sat back down next to you, grabbed your waist, and brought you close. His nasal cavity trailed against your neck, causing goosebumps to raise against your skin. “My kitty needs to learn her place.” His voice was the lowest you’d ever heard it, borderline a whisper, and his grip on your waist tightened. “I think a collar is in order.”

His eye lights shifted back to his brother, but it didn’t seem as if Mutt even cared about the glare directed towards him. “you’re actually serious about this one. looks like the little minx is pretty lucky, getting protection in this hell house.” There was a spark of violet in his socket, and a jagged, white bone was aimed at Blackberry’s skull. You gasped, and tried to move away, but the skeleton’s grip was like steel. “just don’t let your love get violent. got it?”

“KEEP MIND OF BOUNDARIES, BROTHER.”

The bone disappeared in a haze of violet. “i understand just fine. if you’re going to be with a human, start teaching her how to be with a monster.” He went back over to his chair and slumped into it, his legs stretched out, and his sockets shut, violet beaded his skull, and you swore you saw his chest heaving. “you’re going to have more monsters knocking down her door if she keeps flouncing around like that.”

A cheerful ring diverted your attention from the brothers, and you dragged your phone out of your bra. You tapped in your numeral code, and pulled up your texting app. You recognized the number, and a small smile curled on your lips as you opened up the text. You began typing out a reply, when the phone was snatched out of your hands. “Hey!”

Blackberry stared down at you, his sockets narrowed, and his pupils practically burning with that cold shade of blue. “WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?”

“None of your business.” You snapped. “You just got onto your brother about boundaries. You can’t just decide you like someone, and try to control their life.”

“THESE PLANTS,” He said, ignoring you completely. “THEY’RE THE ONES THAT WILL CHANGE US.”

“What? No.” You reached up, and snatched the phone back, and shoved it back into your bra. “These plants just help soothe anxiety. It’s like…” You fumbled through your mental thesaurus, trying to find the right words to use. “It doesn’t change, the plants release a chemical that balances out things like fears and sadness.”

“it releases harmine?” Mutt asked, causing your attention to turn to him. 

“Uh…”

“harmine can be used as an anti-depressant, it has uses with certain human hormones, and drugs.” He shrugged, sockets now open and his shoulders straighter. “that’s just a shot in the dark, there could be anything in the plant.”

“I’ve never really been big on the chemical make up of the plants.” You admitted. “I just understand how much to add, how to mix them up, and what I should use them for.”

“you’ll have to let me see your plants when they come in. i haven’t had much of a chance to experiment with surface plants. just whatever managed to grow and survive underground.”

“Sure, I don’t mind.” You grinned, an idea suddenly forming. You leaned forward, nearly bouncing from how giddy you were. “But only if you accept my apology.”

The thinnest trace of a smirk curled onto Blackberry’s fangs. “LOOKS LIKE MY KITTY IS SMARTER THAN SHE LET ON, BROTHER. PICKING BETWEEN YOUR HOBBY, AND BEING BORED TO DEATH IN OUR PRISON, WHICH WOULD YOU PICK?”

“i’ll accept it.” The smile was wiped off Blackberry’s face the moment it appeared, and you could smell ozone again. Mutt shrugged, a smile growing on his own fanged face. “i’m tired of being bored. maybe your little minx will finally be useful for something.”

And while you were happy that you finally patched things up with Mutt, you didn’t like the way he was staring at you, or the way that Blackberry’s fingers were digging into the soft flesh of your stomach. For the first time since moving into this house, you actually began to realize how dangerous the residents were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Blackberry and Mutt have a very different relationships than in most fics. Blackberry will boss his brother around, but Mutt will not allow Blackberry to overpower him completely. There's a lot more to their dynamic, but I just wanted to make that part very clear. Hence why Blackberry doesn't drag his brother around via his collar. 
> 
> With that said, this chapter was basically character development. 
> 
> Know what doesn't get character development? My tumblr! http://nihilismpastry.tumblr.com/


	11. Being Productive is...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too much for you...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore Level: None

The glow of the TV burned your sleep deprived eyes, and helped fuel the headache that had been chipping away at your brain for the last three hours. You were slouched half off, and half on the bed, the blanket cocooned around you like a blanket. Your fingers moved in rhythmic patterns, and sometimes your body would jolt in the same direction that you tilted the controller. It probably would make sense to drag your body onto the floor, or maybe pause the game and go take care of that pounding headache, but the truth was that you couldn’t. The game you were playing was created by a cruel master, and it did not have a basic ‘pause’ menu. If you stopped in the middle of this complex boss fight, then you would die and lose all sixty thousand blood echoes you had managed to collect. 

Bloodborne was a cruel mistress.

But Father Gascoigne needed to be put to rest, and you would be damned if you didn’t slice him open and steal his precious blood echoes with your saw cleaver. You were a true Hunter, one of the best! You would walk away without a-

**You Died**

The words hovered on the screen in a bright, ruby red.

You dropped your controller to the floor, and your body soon met the same fate. You stared at the screen as it showed your character standing in a cemetery, blood no longer staining their clothes. The blood echoes counter stuck all the way down at zero…

“That was a waste of three hours.”

Now that the light was dimmer, and you weren’t solely focused on killing a fictional character, it finally occurred to you how gross you were. Earlier that day, you had worked in the garden, putting in the new plants that had arrived that morning. You’d been dragged to lunch by Jaws, and he had fed you something he had cooked. At least you think he cooked it, you honestly didn’t even think it was food...Safe to say, most of it ended up in your lap, staining your denim shorts a putrid green color. If that wasn’t bad enough, you had to go back outside into the blazing heat, and sweat ended up soaking into your clothes, making your shirt soggy and stained under the arms.  

Dinner was the only ‘normal’ time you had, and it was only because you ordered a pizza and remained in your room. In fact, Blackberry had to go all the way to your room and give you the pizza himself. Of course it was accompanied by all the complaints in the world, but you got to eat your dinner, and he sat around talking to you until Papyrus asked him to help clean the kitchen.

That had been hours ago though. A quick peek at your phone even proved it was yesterday, since it was now four in the morning. You pushed yourself up, your knees popping as weight was finally put on them after so long. You put your phone in your bra, mentally reminding yourself to clean the screen later, and tiptoed your way around the room. You gathered up some clean clothes and your towel, before sneaking out of the room. The hallway was dark, and you couldn’t hear the shouting or heavy footsteps that normally came from the second floor.

Everyone must be sleeping.

You hurried up the stairwell, and slipped inside the bathroom. You put your clothes onto the sink, and stripped out of the disgusting ones you’d been lounging in. If there was one thing you had to love about your new living situation, it had to be the bathroom. The shower was huge, and had one of those detachable heads that could switch the kind of spray it used. The water was also always hot, and you never had to worry about the water running red if someone used the kitchen sink at the same time the shower was running.

So you indulged in the luxury until your body was beginning to prune, and your head ache grew in strength. You shut off the water, and slipped into your new clothes, before dumping the old ones into the wicker clothes hamper. A quick scrub of the tub later, and throwing out your used up shampoo bottle, you tiptoed out of the steamy depths of the bathroom. Goosebumps pimpled along your skin at the change of temperature, but it was a better feeling than slime and grime clinging to your skin.

You gripped the wooden banister as you slowly made your way down the stairs, and went into the living room. Now that your eyes had adjusted to the dark, you could make out a small lump on the couch. When you got closer, you saw a splash of cobalt blue flaring in the dark, almost like a spark. You carefully pushed aside a blanket, and you found yourself staring down at a smooth, grinning skull partially hidden by a hood. He didn’t have the strange ‘bags’ that Addict had, nor the massive crack in his head that Axe had.

It was Sans.

But why was his magic seeping out of his eye like that? Every few seconds it would spark and seep from under the eyelid, casting shadows on the wall behind the couch. You tapped at his skull, just between his sockets. A hollow tap was your only response, he didn’t even flinch at the interruption. Now that you were looking closer, it didn’t even look like he was breathing, his ribs were completely still under the pile of blankets. He wasn’t dead, because Monsters became a pile of dust, clothes, and whatever else they happened to have on them at the time of death.

You should probably get Papyrus, he’d know what was wrong, he was Sans’ brother.

You turned around, just to stop before you could even take a step forward. Surrounded in the same cobalt blue haze coming from Sans’ eye, were several books, DVDs, and a hot poker from the fireplace. They all danced around each other, hovering close enough that you could reach out and touch them and the magic that surrounded the items. You slowly reached out to a hardback joke book you had seen Sans reading a few times.

A shudder ran down your spine, and you felt your chest become light as your fingers brushed against the magic. It felt cold, like you had just dunked your entire body in ice water, but it felt like air, and tasted like something spicy and full. It was like breathing in the air of a winter morning on a day that it had finally snowed, but it didn’t contain any of the happiness. In fact, even though your chest felt light, it didn’t feel like anything. It was like your heart had stopped beating, and now everything felt so hollow.

You were so caught up in the feeling, you didn’t notice the blue haze that had engulfed your body, until you were hovering in the air. It was so different from when Blackberry had done it. Then you hadn’t felt anything at all, but here you felt terrible. You wanted to cry and scream, beg him to forgive you, and to PLEASE STOP!

That was when you felt something else. It was hot, far too hot. You wanted to shed your clothes, and go jump head first into a pool full of ice. Your heart was beating faster, and the tears on your face were becoming steam. The hollow feeling in your chest became heavy with something else, something heavy and oppressive. Slowly you began making your descent to the floor, and you stumbled over your own feet as the force guided you out of the living room, and into the kitchen.

The light was out here, but you could still see the skeletons’ eyelights in the dark. Two of them were like Christmas lights, but missing all the cheer. The other was red and engorged, like a tick that had drunk too much blood.

“curiosity killed the human,” Axe said. “and skeletons brought her back.”

* * *

You normally didn’t speak to Axe and Addict. The two of them were pretty aloof, and spent most of the time in their rooms. So it surprised you when Axe placed a cup of hot chocolate in front of you, before plopping himself into the chair next to you. Addict remained standing, crossing his arms over his off gray hoody.

“stupid of you to play in his magic like that.” Addict said, his voice in its usual monotone. “you’re ready to die?”

“What was happening to Sans? He was asleep, but his magic was flaring up in one of his sockets, and it crawled on me like a bug, and-”

“saw the whole thing, sweetmeat.” Axe drummed his fingers against the table, his gaze not even centered on you, but over your shoulder. “don’t needa tell us what we already know. ya messed with the goody two-shoes’ magic, your soul cryin’ out to it.”

“My soul?” You hadn’t pegged the skeletons as religious, but you guessed you could learn new things every day. You picked up the luke warm mug, and took a sip of the drink. “What, you mean I have superpowers or something?” 

“humans can’t have magic.” Addict said. “your souls don’t have the strength to process the magic around you.” He leaned forward and tapped the mug. “that’s you.” He dipped a finger inside your mug, and you immediately pushed it away from you. “that’s magic. magic needs to be contained in a vessel that can fit it. human souls are too small, so it uses monsters. fill it up too much,” he knocked the cup onto the floor, the ceramic shattering, and hot chocolate getting all over the tile. “you die.”

“That explains nothing.”

“cause you’re not a monster.”

Axe slowly blinked, and his pupil shifted to the mess on the floor. The eye light expanded to take up the entire socket, and it shifted to stare at Addict. “not everybody’s got the sin of gluttony like you, pal. keep it to defenseless monsters, and leave the food alone.”

“it wasn’t food.”

“and you’re a walkin’ pile of dust.”

You smacked a hand against the table, putting the attention back on you. “You said it was me that made him like that? What exactly did I do? How did I make his soul run over from access magic, if I don’t have magic in the first place? Are you pointing out a loophole or something?”

Axe’s grin tugged up at the edges, and he leaned forward. He reminded you of the big bad wolf, ready to consume everyone that crossed his path. “how ‘bout you lemme see your soul. bet i could answer it that way.”

“That sounds creepy and dangerous.”

“what, you don’t trust me?”

“obviously not.” Addict ignored Axe’s glare. “if the goody two-shoes is acting this way thanks to her being in the house, what do you think he’s gonna do if he senses her soul out in the open?”

“won’t be much left when i’m done.”

A crash sounded in the other room, and you heard Blackberry screaming at someone to stop ambushing him on the stairwell. Papyrus was quick to answer him, but it was followed by another crash, and a door slamming against a wall. Edge joined the cacophony, telling the other two to go downstairs and get ready to train.

You weren’t sure why, but you felt that you owed all of them your thanks later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter seems a bit short, but I don't want to overbear it with Addict's and Axe's gibberish. However, they did help set up a bit of the plot. Don't worry, this isn't about to become too plot heavy yet, but I just wanted ya'll to be aware the it exists. Dealer has had a rough few days though, time for her to have fun again, huh? 
> 
> Know what can't have fun? My tumblr! http://nihilismpastry.tumblr.com/


	12. Giving thanks...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shouldn't be this dangerous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore Level: None

You weren’t exactly sure how to thank Blackberry, Edge, and Papyrus for saving you the other night. You didn’t want to be explicit about why you were rewarding them, and you didn’t want to insult Axe and Addict, since they technically saved you too. The difference, and it was a glaring difference, was that those three didn’t creep you out and ask about your soul. You remembered long sermons in church that always talked about the millions of ways you could damn your immortal soul. From saying the wrong thing, looking at the wrong person, or even breathing the wrong way. You remembered every summer at your grandfather’s house was all about fire and brimstone. There was also the ice cold lemonade, and boiled peanuts he would get you from the local flea market, but that was besides the point. 

You set the boxes of cake mix, icing, and edible glitter on the counter top. Before going to the fridge and taking out the variety of fruits and chocolates you had picked up from the store that afternoon. You knew they all expressed an interest in cooking, and so you had thought it would be a good idea to get some pre-made cakes and decorate them together. The actual problem would come with having a reason as to why you were doing this for them: Hence your first conundrum.

As much as you liked the boys, they were far too inquisitive for your tastes, and you weren’t the best liar in the world. And you weren’t going to get any chances to start practicing, as Papyrus made his way into the kitchen, a grin on his skull. “GOOD EVENING, MS. HUMAN.” He put his phone into the back pocket of his pants. “I GOT YOUR TEXT ABOUT OUR COOKING DATE.”

You took several metal bowls out of a lower cabinet, and set them on the kitchen table. “Cool. Where’s everyone else though? They’re not skipping out, are they?”

“NO.” He plucked up the box of lemon cake mix, and began reading the back. “BLACKBERRY IS BUSY TRYING TO IMPRESS YOU, AND EDGE IS TRYING TO BE FASHIONABLY AND IRRITABLY LATE.” His brow bone furrowed. “I DIDN’T KNOW THAT YOU NEEDED OIL IN CAKE.”

“Uh, it’s just to make it fluffy or something.”

“DO YOU WANT TO WAIT ON THE OTHERS?”

"You can pick out a box if you want.” You gestured to the four boxes of cheap cake mix, and the four tins of icing. “I got chocolate, red velvet, lemon, and strawberry. I got all vanilla icing, that way you guys don’t make anything that will be too…” You didn’t want to say disgusting. “jarring.”

“THAT WAS VERY CONSIDERATE OF YOU, MS. HUMAN.” He put down the box of lemon cake mix, and picked up the chocolate one. “I THINK I WILL DO A CHOCOLATE CAKE. IT’S ONE OF THE FEW THINGS SANS WILL EAT THAT ISN’T FROM THAT GREASE TRAP.”

You picked up the box of strawberry cake mix. “I’ll do this one then. I kinda like strawberry donuts, this should taste the same, right?”

“DON’T THEY USE JAM IN THE FILLING?”

“Oh yeah…”

A throat clearing interrupted your conversation, and for some reason it really didn’t surprise you to see Edge in the doorway. He was wearing his armor, as per usual, though he had gone out of his way to get a black apron to put on over it. “HUMAN, I SEE YOU’VE BECOME INSPIRED BY MY CULINARY GRANDEUR. ORGANIZING SUCH A DIVERSE DISPLAY OF INGREDIENTS AND TOOLS BEFITTING THE TERRIBLE EDGE.” He walked into the kitchen and plucked up a chocolate covered cherry from the box. “IT IS AN OFFERING I AM WILLING TO ACCEPT.”

“SHE WASN’T OFFERING IT TO YOU.” Blackberry snapped, his voice was hoarser than usual. “SHE’S GIVING IT TO YOU SINCE SHE KNOWS YOU WOULD CRY LIKE A CHILD IF SHE DIDN’T.” He sauntered into the room, and stopped beside the boxes of cake mix, a hand on his hip. “IN REALITY THIS IS ALL FOR ME.”

“YOU FUCKING-”

“A-actually,” You cut Edge off, hoping to stop the argument between him and Blackberry before it got bad. “It’s for all three of you. Papyrus, Blackberry, you’re both good friends and I thought you’d enjoy this.” You began popping your knuckles, and shifted your gaze from the skeletons. “I invited Edge so I could get to know him better, a-and I know he likes to cook too so, yeah…” None of the skeletons were looking at you anymore, instead their gazes suddenly found the walls and floor very interesting. “Guys…?”

“IT DOESN’T MATTER WHY, MS. HUMAN INVITED US.” Papyrus said after a few moments, his cheekbones dusted a dark marigold, his eyes glued to his tennis shoes. “WE SHOULD JUST ENJOY SPENDING TIME WITH HER,RIGHT?”

Blackberry puffed out his chest, and his gaze shifted to you, his eye lights brighter than you’d ever seen before, and arctic blue dusting his cheek bones. “I ALWAYS ENJOYING TIME WITH MY KITTEN. I JUST WANTED TO KNOW WHY SHE WOULD ENJOY SPENDING TIME WITH THE REST OF YOU IDIOTS.”

“THE HUMAN ISN’T JUST YOURS, BRAT.” Edge snapped. “SHE’S-”

“DIDN’T YOU SAY THAT HUMANS WERE A WEAKNESS?” Blackberry said, a smirk curling onto his fangs. “BUT IF THEY WERE, WOULDN’T YOU WANT TO AVOID CLAIMING HER AT ALL COSTS?”

“I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT-!”

**_SPLAT_ **

The bright yellow yolk dripped down his armor and onto the floor. The room was entirely silent for all of three seconds, before Blackberry began laughing at him. Edge began screaming profanities and you could smell ozone in the air, a hint that he was working his magic. You dropped the next egg onto the floor, and took a step back from the skeleton, your fingers twisting and popping all over again. His shoulders stiffened, and his sockets narrowed as he stared down at your fingers.

“ARE YOU DOING THAT ON PURPOSE?”

“Doing what?”

He made a choking noise, and pointed down at your fingers. “THAT! THE INSUFFERABLE NOISE YOU’RE MAKING WITH YOUR PHALANGES. DO YOU EVEN REALIZE WHAT YOU’RE DOING, OR IS THIS A PLOY…” He paused mid sentence, his eye lights trailing up to stare at your face. A grin slowly curled onto his fangs, and his posture relaxed, even going so far as to lean against the countertop. “NO, I UNDERSTAND NOW, HUMAN. I UNDERSTAND PERFECTLY WELL.”  

He grabbed the box of lemon cake mix, and ripped it open with his claw like fingers. Blackberry followed suit with the red velvet cake box, though he took the only available spot next to you, a glare shot in Edge’s direction. You ignored their petty bickering, in favor of helping Papyrus pour his batter into an oiled cake pan. It was lumpy, and you were sure he didn’t add any oil like you, and the directions, had instructed. And was that...Was that olives?

* * *

 

You probably should have known the cakes would have turned out horrible. The way those three added things that weren’t in the recipe, or things that were decidedly not edible, should have been a huge indicator. And now, as you stared at four cakes that looked like they belonged in a garbage, and not on a kitchen table, you were almost certain that you would never have a cooking party ever again. 

You poked your iced cake with a finger, more of the candy pink batter oozing out onto the wooden table. You thought yours would at least come out decent. Apparently hours of playing Cooking Mama, did not translate into actual cooking experience. “Maybe we should just get Sans to buy us some cake?”

“NONSENSE, MS. HUMAN.” Papyrus said, putting more icing onto his crumbly cake. The thing had refused to stay together when he got it out of the pan, and was mostly a mess of crumbs he was keeping together with sheer will, glue, and icing. You knew that Sans didn’t have organs, but you didn’t think that even a magical skeleton could stomach that monstrosity. “THESE ARE WORKS OF LOVE AND INSPIRATION! THEY MAY NOT LOOK LIKE THE ONES PRESENTED IN THE MAGAZINES, BUT THEY ARE AMAZING NONETHELESS.”

Blackberry was already taking pictures of his, you hoped that the internet would be kind once he posted them onto social media. “THE LOOKS DON’T MATTER, IT’S THE TASTE THAT’S IMPORTANT.” His gaze shifted to you. “YOU’LL HAVE SOME OF MINE, RIGHT?”

“OF COURSE SHE WON’T.” Edge pushed his cake over, causing some of the chocolate sculpture he had made to fall onto the floor, sending cherry sauce all over the tiles. “SHE WILL HAVE MINE FIRST. AFTERALL, YOUNGEST TO OLDEST, CORRECT?”

If looks could kill, Edge would have been tortured and incinerated.

You wiped your finger off on the towel you had used to take the pans out the oven, before tossing it onto the counter behind you. “I’m not going to eat any of these. Mine isn’t cooked all the way, and I’m pretty sure it’s bad form to eat someone else’s hard work, right? So let’s just call it quits for now, and get all of this cleaned up, okay?”

You had barely gotten the words out before Papyrus began directing you all on what needed to be done. Edge was to clean up the floors, Blackberry was to wash the dishes, you had to gather up the trash, and Papyrus would put the food away and re-clean the entire room once you were done.

No one argued with him, the three of them seemed to have a thing for cleaning anyway. Maybe you should have asked them if they wanted to help you clean your room, it could have used the extra love and chemicals. You tossed the cake boxes into the trash can, before gathering up the chocolates that had spilled onto the countertop. You were about to toss them away, when magic halted your fingers. It was a light shade of tangerine, and was so hot it burned you down to your very bones. Your eyes widened, and you tried to wriggle your wrists from between the makeshift ropes, but it began to crawl up your arms, just like Sans’ magic had.

You moved your legs back a few paces, but your hands and arms remained outstretched. “W-what’s going on, who’s doing this?”

Large yet spindly fingers caressed your waist, and the magic let go, your arms dropping immediately.  “HUMAN, WHY ARE YOU THROWING THAT OUT? IT’S STILL GOOD.” The hands twisted you around, so you were now looking at Jaws’ scarred spine. Your eyes trailed up, looking into his sunken sockets. “I DIDN’T MEAN TO SCARE YOU. ARE YOU OKAY?”

“Your magic, it felt…” It felt the same way from when Sans had you. It had so much feeling in it, but just not the same feelings that you could feel in Sans’ magic. While Sans’ magic was forceful and powerful, trying to bend and break you down to your very core, this magic was more consuming. It felt like it was trying to possess you, force you to become one with it, even if there was no possible way for that to happen. It felt like your core was trying to be ripped out, and shoved into that magic. “Jaws, why does your magic feel like Sans’?”

There was a hint of tangerine in his socket, but when you blinked it disappeared, the only thing in his sockets was the faded eyelights he always had. “HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT SANS’ MAGIC FEELS LIKE, LITTLE TEA MAKER?”

“He used it on me last night-”

**_CRASH!_ **

You both turned around, just to find blue ceramic shards all over the floor. Blackberry’s eye lights were extinguished, leaving his eye sockets empty pits that made your skin crawl. “How did he use his magic on you?”

“He had something floating, and I touched it.”

“That fucking bastard.” Blackberry turned on his heel, and began marching to the door, just to get dragged back by his collar. “UNHAND ME THIS INSTANT, PAPYRUS! I WILL KILL YOUR FUCKING BROTHER FOR DARING TO TRY AND TOUCH MY HUMAN’S SOUL!”

“MAYBE WE SHOULD HEAR HIS VERSION OF IT, DON’T YOU THINK?”

“NO!”

Edge merely laughed, looking down his nasal cavity at Blackberry, looking every part of the gloating know it all. “DIDN’T I SAY THAT HAVING A HUMAN WAS A WEAKNESS? YOU’RE READY TO KILL SOMEONE WHO YOU COULDN’T BEAT EVEN DURING YOUR HEAT.”

“EDGE, I _ AM _ ABLE TO KILL YOU.”

“QUIET!”

Everyone immediately quieted down, all eyes on Papyrus, who had crossed his arms, and had his brow bones furrowed as he stared at you. “HUMAN, CLAIMING TO HAVE FELT MY BROTHERS MAGIC IS A VERY DANGEROUS THING TO SAY. ARE YOU POSITIVE YOU FELT SOMETHING?”

“Yeah, I don’t have a reason to lie. I can’t lie.” You jerked your thumb over to Jaws. “It felt different from his, but it felt similar too, just weaker.”

Papyrus sighed, and uncrossed his arms as he walked over to you. “MS. HUMAN, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT SOULS?”

“Nothing, Axe and Addict didn’t want to explain it to me.” You said. “Axe said I should just show him.”

“MY BROTHER SAID THAT?” Jaws’ voice was tight.

“Yeah, is that bad?”

“YES, I MEAN…” Papyrus sighed, and looked away from you, a low rumbling sound coming from his chest. You hadn’t known Papyrus very long, but this seemed pretty out of character. There was always a certain confidence about his character that you enjoyed, and while it was still there, it was now mired in confusion. “MS. HUMAN, FEELING A MONSTER’S TRUE FEELINGS WITHIN THEIR MAGIC IS SOMETHING SPECIAL. I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WOULD FEEL IT WITH JAWS, FOR HE HAS MADE HIS INTENTIONS CLEAR, BUT FEELING THEM WITH MY BROTHER IS VERY DIFFERENT. WAS HE AWAKE WHEN HE USED HIS MAGIC?”

“No.”

Papyrus nodded, and almost looked relieved at hearing it. “THEN IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. TRY NOT TO SAY THINGS SO DANGEROUS SO IDLY FROM NOW ON.”

“Papyrus, that doesn't answer my question.” You said. “Why could I feel it? Addict said a human can’t have magic, because their souls are too small or something. What does any of that mean?”

“THAT’S NOT WHAT IT IS IN THE SLIGHTEST.” Edge said. “SOULS ARE WHAT YOU ARE, AND THANKS TO YOUR PHYSICAL MATTER, THERE ISN’T ENOUGH SOUL FOR YOU TO BE ABLE TO HOST MAGIC.” He flicked a dollop of icing at you, and it hit your cheek. “PHYSICAL THINGS HURT YOU EASIER, WHERE AS MAGICAL THINGS YOU’RE LESS ATTUNED TO. IF YOU CAN’T REALIZE WHY SANS AND JAWS’ MAGIC WAS LEAKING THEIR TRUE INTENTIONS, THEN YOU’RE EVEN WORSE THAN MOST HUMANS.”

“...”

“YOU’RE ASSUMING THAT’S WHY MY BROTHER’S MAGIC HELD ANYTHING.” Papyrus said, turning away from you to face him head on. “WHAT YOU’RE INSINUATING IS HARDLY THE CASE. MY BROTHER HAS VERY COMPLEX FEELINGS TOWARDS HUMANS, BUT HE WOULD NEVER KILL ONE. NOT LIKE YOU.”

“OR YOU?”

“THAT WAS DIFFERENT.”

“Guys?”

“SNAPPING A HUMAN IN HALF AND RUPTURING A HUMAN’S INSIDES ARE THE SAME THING.”

“I ALREADY SAID THAT WAS-”

The smell of ozone was so thick, and white bones jutted out of the floor around Edge. Magic flared around Papyrus, thick bones that were sharpened to a point. You quickly turned on your heel and fled out the backdoor as the first bone was launched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, things are becoming a bit stressed. That probably means that Dealer should take a break from her skeles, and go find something fun to do. Like hide in her room. 
> 
> Know what doesn't hide in its room? My tumblr! nihilismpastry.tumblr.com


	13. Going Out...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leads to bad times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore Level: None

You had thought that things might blow over the next day, maybe go back to the yelling and screaming you’d gotten used to in the skeleton household. However, you weren’t afforded such a luxury. Instead the house was so tense, you half expected physical/magical fights to break out over something simple as breathing wrong. You didn’t like this sort of environment, and having to deal with it for an entire week was exhausting. You spent most of your time in your room now, and none of the skeletons went out of their way to visit. Not that you were going to start complaining, you didn’t think you could take any more aggressive attempts from Edge to pick a side, hard core possessivness from Blackberry, or the constant apologies from Papyrus. 

You needed a break.

You sighed and popped your birth control into your mouth, before guzzling the last of your soda, and tossing the can into the overflowing trash can beside the bed. It bounced off of a Chinese food carton, and onto the floor, some of the candy red liquid drizzling onto the floor. You ignored the mess in favor of plucking up a dress off the bed, and holding it up to your body. Instead of dealing with all the tension that night, you had thought it would be a better idea to go ahead and go to a bar. You were in a new part of town, which means there were new people to meet. And while you did have a general rule not to drink at a bar, you might make an exception with all the chaos running through the house. Going to a bar and having drunken sex with a stranger sounded like a phenomenal idea, all things considered.

You pulled off your baggy sweats, and put on the dress. It was pretty short, but it had that nice shade of green that made you look a little more fashionable, and they went pretty well with a brown pair of heels you’d borrowed from Keisha and never thought to give back.  You applied a little makeup, just enough to make your eyes pop, and your lips look that much more kissable, before packing your purse with necessities. It wasn’t much, just some condoms in various sizes, lipstick, a small bottle of lube, and some gum. You double checked the charge on your phone, before ordering an Uber, and heading out the door.

You had barely managed to go down the hall, before you almost smacked right into Sans. You rubbed your clavicle as you stared down at him. Most days the skeleton was about your height, but you always managed to come out ahead when you threw on your heels. “Jeez, got your head in the clouds, huh?”

“guess i was a world away.” He said as his eyelights roamed over your face. “goin out?”

“Yeah, I was just gonna hit a bar, maybe grab a few drinks.”

You weren’t handing out an invitation. You didn’t care if that meant your friend stats with Sans stayed morbidly low, you rarely saw the guy, you wanted this night for yourself. “ ‘kay have fun. don’t make any drunk calls, they will be recorded for blackmail.”

“Ha ha, very funny.” Your phone made it’s cheerful pinging sound, and after checking the notification, you nodded towards the door. “That’s me, see you around.”

He gave you a half assed wave as you hurried out the door.

* * *

You were three shots into your night, and the band was playing some old rock song you knew the name of, but for the life of you couldn’t remember. The lights weren’t too bright in this place, and that would probably be a blessing once you got to shot five and six. You had to admit the bartender was pretty cute though, bald, lots of tatoos, three piercings in his left ear, and a large smile with white teeth that contrasted heavily with his dark skin. A check on both hands didn’t show any sign of a wedding ring, so maybe he was fair game? Unless he was gay, then you were just shit out of luck, huh?

A fierce vibrating in your purse distracted you from your lust, and you fumbled with the gold clasp, before managing to get it open, and pull out your phone. You typed in the code, and dragged up your texting app.

**Candy Pun:  Where are you?**

**You: About to get some.**

**Candy Pun: Riiiiiiiight. Want Keisha and I to hang?**

**You: I’ll be fine. I’m a big girl. Go fuck your wife on the couch I’m not sleeping on.**

**Candy Pun: I like your thinking! Gonna use the ball gag on her this time!**

You promptly exited out of the texting app, and put your phone back. As much as you liked Emily and Keisha, you did not want to know about their sex life. Not because they were gay, well Emily was pan, but more because you’d known them for so long. That, and you just weren’t drunk enough yet, speaking of which…

You ordered another drink from the bartender, this time something a little sweet to wash out the bitter taste of tequila out of your mouth. However, it was still strong as hell, and you were more than happy when it added to your buzz. You tapped your foot in time with the new song playing, some kind of cheesy romance song that you’d loved in high school, and twirled a stray piece of hair around your finger. Your gaze moved on from the bartender, as hot as he was you liked having options, and found yourself looking at a dirty blonde with dark green eyes. Your nose wrinkled, and you moved on from him, to his brunette friend. He was downing shots, and had a loud laugh, but didn’t have any looks that were anything to write home about. Maybe you could set aside your dislike for blondes for a night…

Nah. 

The last thing you wanted to do was cry in some stranger’s bed right after sex, that would be awkward and rude. So you put on your sweetest smile, propped yourself on the counter top, and flashed even more cleavage than your generous dress already doled out. “Mr. Bartender, you got a second?”

“I’m gay.”

“Oh…”

Well, looks like that’s out of the question.

You straightened yourself up, and took another sip from your glass, letting the sharp taste of orange linger on your tongue. Jeez, maybe Emily was right, you should probably look into getting a fuck buddy. Then you wouldn’t have to go all the way out to the bar and listen to shitty music, and try to find someone fuckable and not wanting a relationship with you. A quick gulp of your drink, and you ordered another one, going right back to the tequila. It burned as it made its way down your throat, but only helped fuel the fire and make you feel even more things you weren’t too keen on feeling. You rubbed your thighs together, and began taking in the meager members of the three man band on the stage. All of them had wild colored hair, and the lead singer had a tattoo of a hawk on his neck. Oops, looks like the keyboarder had a wedding ring on his finger, so did the singer, now that you thought about it. You couldn’t tell if the drummer did, not with the way he was flipping those sticks around.

Maybe you should just ditch this place and go to a sex shop. It’d been awhile since you had a nice dildo. Your only one was now a melted piece of silicone in your old apartment building, and hadn’t even been that great to use in the first place. Now that you had a little money in your pocket, you could go out and get a nice one, and go home to listen to some awesome Over Watch smut audios. It’d been a pretty boring night, maybe you could use a bit of Junk Rat in your life, or did you just need something a bit more traditional? Hell, maybe you should just go all the way out and find some Bastion porn, if you looked hard enough, it probably existed.

Tumblr was a beautiful place, it always yielded results.

You fumbled for your phone once again, while simultaneously asking for another shot, and began tapping at your screen with sweaty palms, when the calling app became front and center. Your eyes narrowed as you read the number, and you wondered why it was even a thing that you had.

When the app turned green, your eyes widened, and you tentatively put it to your ear. “Hello?”

“Hey princess, it’s been awhile.”

* * *

Red dumped the mustard and crumb encrusted plate into the sink, causing soapy water to splash all over Jaws. The tall skeleton made a noise of irritation in his ribs, but otherwise let him leave the kitchen without a fight. It wasn’t the weirdest thing to happen in this cluster fuck of a house, in fact Jaws was probably the most passive out of all of the idiots living inside this house. Well, if you wanted to call a manic skeleton that had a tendency to eat humans or anything edible passive, then sure. 

Thanks to the idiot fucking up with his magic, it got the entire house in an uproar of sorts. Red knew that the runt and Jaws had a thing for the human. It made sense, those two were attention starved as all hell. However, it really surprised him when he caught his brother staring at the human while she was helping Papyrus clean up the table today. Seeing his brother love struck, of all things, wasn’t something he was used to. Sure, he played the part time to time so that some of Snowdin’s less violent population would stay aligned with him, and not any of the upstarts that usually came around, but being ‘in love’ with someone wasn’t anything he’d ever done.

Not even as a child did he come home whining about some monster that caused his soul to beat a little bit faster, and magic start flushing up his zygomatic arches. Growing up was a quick and violent process, and his brother knew it was a weakness having someone with a hand on his soul. Red had instilled the harsh lesson over and over again until he was certain that Edge would never get his soul tangled up with a Monster that would shatter his skull in the middle of the night.

But then that idiot had to go and ignore it all and get all hot and bothered over a human.

A fucking human! The creatures that had kicked them out of their first home when they wound up on the surface, and had tried to set this shit hole on fire. And yeah, Red wasn’t going to say he and his brother were fucking saints, but they weren’t nearly as bad as the humans. A Monster was smart enough to respect treaties, because the punishment that rained down would get you killed, these fuckers couldn’t even respect that. And now his brother was pining for the bitch that was living under their floor, likely to kill them all in the middle of the night if she caught the fancy.

He sighed and flopped onto the couch, shoving his hands deep into his jacket pockets, staring at the blank TV screen. He knew he was being pretty bias when it came to the human, some might even go as far as to say he was racist. He’d probably call himself more cautious than out and out racist. If he found a human that wouldn’t somehow put them in danger, then he probably wouldn’t mind them too much. Like Frisk, the kid was alright, he could even applaud them for purging the entire Underground. Stars knew half the fuckers inside really weren’t worth saving, himself included.

But this human?

Sugar tits was a strange one. She didn’t hate Monsters, but she didn’t like them either. It was clear she had simply decided to swallow her pride, and live with them thanks to whatever happened to her last place, and the fact she needed a job. He’d heard her whine to the runt about her lack of money more than once, and how this was the most she’d ever earned in her entire life. She was using them as a means to an end, and while he could appreciate a little manipulation, he wouldn’t tolerate it out of some bitch that had entangled herself in his brother’s soul.

A low buzzing noise caught his attention, and his gaze drifted down to the table. The only phone in the entire house was set on top of a few joke books, the screen glowing a bright blue. “speak of the devil.”

The human was calling.

He dragged a hand out of his pocket, and leaned forward, snatching up the device. Huh, that idiot had even went as far as to give her a cute nickname, damn he was in deep. What was with these idiots falling for this damn human, anyway? The screen abruptly turned black, and the buzzing stopped as the call was sent to voicemail. Just for it to start up again seconds later, and again after it was sent to voicemail a second time. What was so important she had to call the idiot?

He checked the stairs and the kitchen, before clicking the answer button. “yeah?”

“H-Hey, I think I mighta fucked up? Maybe? Kinda?”

She sounded dead drunk, her words were slurring together, and her voice had raised an octave higher. The terrible singing in the background was doing nothing to help him understand what she was saying. “what’d ya want me ta do ‘bout it?”

“I dunno! Come get me, maybe? Kill me? Second option please?”

Whelp, now didn’t he hold all the cards? On one hand, he could just ignore her and go back to doing jack shit on the couch. On the other hand, he could save her from her stupidity, and she’d owe him a favor.

Options, options, options.

“where are ya, sugar tits?”

“ _Oak Hill Bar_.” She said, her voice becoming a little muffled. “W-wait, nope that’s the other place. _Sugar’s Place_? Or was it…”

He knew both of those places, sounded like she was bar hopping over on Canterbury Street. It was a higher end part of town that was well known for basically hating Monsters. She really wasn’t making a good case for herself at all, was she? 

“gimme a sec, i’ll save ya from yourself.”

He hung up the phone, deleted the history of the calls, and placed the phone back onto the book he had found it on. With all the effort in the world, he pushed himself off the couch, and flipped his hood up over his skull, and shoved his hands into his pockets.

She better be grateful for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Red is finally making a proper appearance. I love writing out how Red thinks, because he knows he's such a fuck up, but he gives zero fucks at this point. He's just happy to keep his head above water, but if someone wants to drown him? Well, they're kinda free to. 
> 
> Damn, he's depressing. 
> 
> Know what isn't depressing? My tumblr! http://nihilismpastry.tumblr.com/


	14. Red needs...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> someone to get the fucking drunk human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore Level: Low
> 
> Praise baby Jesus!

He found her draped on a marble bar top, her head in her hands, and a flute glass by her elbow. Her hips swayed to the slow jazz that was playing on the overhead speakers, and she had kicked off her heels and left them on the stone floor a few stools down. Her hair had been taken down at some point, and her tits were practically spilling out of her dress. Red watched her talk to the red headed bartender, complementing the thin woman’s tattoos, and asking if she could touch them. Red pulled his hood a little lower, to the point that the fluff of his hood was getting into his eye sockets. He stuffed his hands back into his pockets, and made his way over to the reclining human. “sugar tits,” She turned around to stare at him, her eyes wide, and a smile lighting up her face. “ya rang?”

She nodded and jumped off her stool, and used the bartop to help keep her balance. “Red, how’s it playin’ playa?” She snorts, her eyes crinkling as she stared at him. “Nah, that was bad. You’re too edgy for that shit.”

The bartender gestured to the drunk woman. “You know her?”

“roommate.” He jerked his head back towards the door. “come on, sugartits, let’s get ya home.”

The woman shook her head. “No~, let’s go drink. I-I wanna drink,” She sways a little, almost toppling onto his chest. “You should drink with me. A sweet drink, so you can stop being so fucking salty, dude.”

He glanced over to the many colorful bottles on the shelf, their gold and silver labels standing out like the stars in the night sky. The red headed bartender plucked up a beer glass, and filled it up for a lanky guy who probably used his brother’s ID to get in. The golden brown drink had just the right amount of foam at the top, and it looked perfectly chilled in that glass. He quickly ripped his gaze away, instead getting an eyeful of the human’s tits. “nah, don’t do that shit anymore. sides, dumbass’ll have my ribs if ya don’t come back in one piece.”

“You mean Sans? Why? Sans doesn’t…” She pauses, and stares at a short human male dancing. “Oooh, I want some of that.”

Red scoffed and reached out with a gloved hand. “come on, sugartits. from the way ya smell, ya already had plenty.”

Her eyes widened, and she leaned forward, her tits now more or less slipping out of her dress. “So Monsters really do have good smelling skills? Creepy, dude. Wait, does that mean you can smell Jonathan on me? Man, sucks to be you.” Red dragged a collar out of his pocket, a long leash attached. It was something smaller in his collection, not as glitzy and special, less noticeable. He leaned into the human just enough, and clipped the collar onto her neck, before jerking the leash. She stumbled forward, her eyes narrowing at him. “Didn’t peg you for a kinky bastard Red. That’s more my style.”

The bartender raised a thin eyebrow at him. “Roommate huh?”

“special kind.” He lead the human out of the bar, and onto the street. There were less humans milling around now, most of them were either at home, or in the bars ready to pass out. He made his way carefully along the sidewalk, keeping a socket out for broken glass, or anything else that could ruin her feet, or cause her to trip and fall. He didn’t have the mental energy to catch her, and with all the chaos surrounding this human and magic, he didn’t want to use that on her either. “why’d you call the dumbass anyway?” He muttered. “ain’t like he gives a shit.”

“I dunno.” Her voice was still giggly. “I-I think I was trying to call Emily, but epically failed. Dude, I didn’t even get Sans, I got your salty self.”

“...”

He paused at a crosswalk, and waited for the cars to pass, and the crosswalk to turn green. The only other human there was a blonde who had her arms full of books. She raised an eyebrow when she caught sight of the leash that was connected to the human’s collar, and slinked down into his parka’s pocket, but otherwise didn’t say anything about it, going on her merry way when they were finally allowed to cross.

“why ain’t ya at the john’s house?”

“Are you calling me a hooker?”

“are you one?”

“No?”

“kay then.”

“Jonathan’s wife is home.” She said after a few moments. “Yeah, I think she’d be pissed to find me in her bed ‘nd stuff.” She snorted. “Or on her counter. M-maybe even the floor.” She suddenly stopped, forcing Red to stop as well. He turned back to stare at her, and rolled his eye lights when he saw her crying. “B-bet you think I’m a whore now. Gonna t-tell Sans, and I’ll lose this job too.”

He sighed and shut his sockets. “sugarttits, ‘scuse the pun, but i give zero fucks who you’re fuckin’.” He opened up an socket. “it obviously ain’t my bro, so it ain’t got nothin’ to do with me, capiche?”

She stared at him for a long moment, before a smile curled onto her lips. “You’re way less salty than I thought.” She opened up her arms. “Hug me.”

Red took a step back. “no way. don’t want your disgusting post fuck smell all over me.” He yanked on the chain, forcing the human forward once more. “come on, gotta lotta ground to cover.”

“Hey, Red.” He stiffened when he felt her touch his shoulder, and magic shot through his body, ready to form and rip through her skull. He could see it now, blood dyed all over the sidewalk, the human’s body limp and lifeless, and a soul ready to be stolen. With a human soul, he could finally- “Thanks for helping me out tonight.”

He slowly turned to stare back at her. That face that had make up smudged, her eyes puffy, and tears still flowing. “didn’t do jack,  sugartits.”

“You helped me out, even though you’re not supposed to leave the house.” She said. “And even though you really don’t like me, you’re still taking care of me.” She gave a small smile. “So thanks, Red.”

“yeah, yeah, yeah. save it for the choir-hey, what’s your problem?” A hand had flown to her mouth, and she was now bent over. “wait, don’t you fuckin’ dare-!”

Red vowed to never help the human again.

* * *

 

You woke up to someone holding you. It’d been a long time since that had happened, even your one night stands didn’t do that. You crack open an eye, just to find yourself staring up at Edge. He was holding you bridal style, and was chatting quietly to someone, by the deep voice that sounded vaguely like a mobster’s, you guessed he was talking to Red. Did you make it home? You barely remembered walking through the door, and you’d know if Edge bothered to pick you up. The guy was loud, and his voice had this unique ability to carry more than it should. Maybe this was all just a bad dream, just like fucking Jonathan in the bathroom stall. Maybe you’d wake up, and be at the bar with the cute bartender, and he would kick you out. 

“Edge?”

You groaned when you were jostled, but the face did peer down at you. “Human, you are an absolute disgrace right now. I suggest you remain silent until I can properly take care of you, and ensure you do not rain your stomach contents onto my imbecile of a brother again.”

“What time is it?”

“Two in the morning.” You heard a door open, before you heard his heels echo off wood. Sounded like he had finally made it to your bedroom. “It took my brother asking me for help to get you to this point.”

You felt your body shift, and you were set on a soft surface. “So...It’s real then.” You groaned and flipped a pillow over your face. You could already hear it now, the never ending texts from your phone, and you would be sucked back into that horrible lifestyle. Well, not horrible for you, but Mira had made it clear she wanted you to fuck out of her life forever. Stupid prude, she was the one who started it, wanted some spice to the bedroom or something. You couldn’t even remember anymore, and why did your bed suddenly smell like basil, ground pepper, and leather? 

You whined when the pillow was tugged off your face. “Nooo, lemme wallow in self hatred, drunken bitterness and bad decisions.”

You heard the tall skeleton sigh and sit on the side of your bed. “And what decisions did you happen to make?”

“Fucked a married dude.”

“And here I thought you gambled away your soul.” He almost sounded amused. “Human, there are more problems in the world than someone deciding to have sexual relations of their own accord.”

“That sounds too smart for me right now,” You said. “Make it stupid simple.”

“You can’t worry over someone else’s actions.” He said. “Getting home safely after your tryst, is far more pressing. Tomorrow you may deal with the consequences, but not before you sleep and regain your mind.”

“You’re really good at this.”

He puffed out his ribs, reminding you of a scrawny rooster trying to look more powerful than it really was. “I’ve had plenty of practice, so of course I would be the best to take care of you in your time of complete drunken idiocy.”

“Thanks?”

There was a knock at the door, and Edge gave the person the go ahead to enter. You hissed as light streamed into your room from the hallway, but were surprised to see Sans standing there, hands shoved in his shorts. He was missing his hoody for some reason, he looked much smaller without it, almost like a doll. “she okay?”

“Yes, no thanks to you, idiot.” Edge gestured to the door. “Shut that behind you and come in, or shut that behind you as you leave.”

He shut the door behind him, and all you could see was a vague outline of a skeleton, and his eye lights glowing in his skull. He looked far spookier like this, and as he loomed over you, the urge to hide under the covers became strong. It was funny, since you didn’t feel that way with Edge, who didn’t really like you much, and who looked far scarier with or without the lights on. A cold hand swept some of your sweat matted hair out of your face, and the perpetual smile on his seemed to falter. “where’d you find her?”

“My brother did, some bar over in the less...forgiving part of town.” He sighed and shook his head.  “He came back to me, and had me carry her when they were three blocks from here.”

This seemed to cause Sans to relax, the smile even turning up at the edges again. “was it everything you hoped for?”

“No, it sucked.” You put your hands over your face. “I wanna just quit and reset. This was just a mistake from hell.”

Sans fingers continued to pet you for a few moments longer, before you heard the bed creak, and he sat down. “got it from here edge, you can go to bed. i know you got training with the others in a few hours.”

You heard cloth shift, before the dull creaking of your stairs. Light bled through your clamped fingers, before it disappeared again with the door making a low click. You heard cloth shift, and felt cold bones pressed against your side. Upon peeking from between your fingers, you saw that Sans was laying down next to you, his sockets shut, and that perpetual smile still in place. You both were so close in your tiny bed, if you wanted to you could hug him to you, and use him as a pillow, and just blame the bed’s size.

God, this place was weird. The skeletons were weird, and they made you feel weird, and they said weird things. Then there was the weird things they cooked, and then they would act weird when you actually ate it. Weird, weird, weird, they were too fucking weird. They saved you from certain drunken stumbling, and didn’t judge your time as a third wheel to a swinger couple, or made you feel bad for being a leech on their resources.

Weirdos.

Fucking weirdos.

Wait...Where’s your heels?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Red bonded with the human again, and has confirmed he gives zero fucks. Meanwhile Edge is low key tsundere, and uses his training to soothe a very drunk Dealer. And Sans...He's still being weird. 
> 
> Know what isn't weird? My tumblr! http://nihilismpastry.tumblr.com/


	15. Addict can be...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> very clingy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore Level: None
> 
> Soon though...

You groaned as your alarm went off, and dragged your blankets over your head. The cheerful techno song continued to bounce and bop through your room, reminding you about the day you should start. To be fair, you weren’t the one who wanted to get up so early, that was all Jaws and Papyrus. Something about wanting to cook breakfast for you or something. Probably one of those fun, bonding experience things. Which, you probably wouldn’t mind doing, if you hadn’t stayed up all night gaming. You had actually taken the time to download The Binding of Isaac, and it was a challenge you had met head on with your pride and sleep sacrificed in return. You groaned again, and reached out, grappling for your phone, but not finding it. Didn’t you leave it on the-

“get up.”

You sat up, your blankets falling off of you, and your hair sticking up in all directions. You blinked a few times, staring at the skeleton staring down at you with a blank expression on his skull. “Addict?”

He stared at you, before tossing the phone into your lap. “the idiot’s brother sent me. Said ya were doing something.”

“Cooking breakfast.” You turned off the song. Jaws had picked it out last week after your drunk episode. According to him, if he had to listen to a song for an hour straight, then it would be something he enjoyed. “Uh, yeah. Thanks, I guess.”  You waited for him to leave so you could get dressed, but he remained standing there, staring at you with those bright, Christmas colored eye lights that looked a little more pronounced today. “So did you need something, cause I sorta need to get dressed.” You gestured to the pair of shorts and sports bra you were wearing. “I look like I just came out of a bad music video. No one wants to see this.”

He grunted and left the room, slamming the door shut behind him. Once you were sure no one was coming back, you pulled on some clean sweats, before making your way up the stairs. Papyrus was mixing a thick, gray sludge in a metal pot, while Jaws was cutting apples. Both skeletons greeted you good morning as you shuffled into the room, doing your best to hide a yawn behind your hand. “Hey guys, what’s shaking?”

“NOTHING.” Jaws paused in his task, head tilted to the side, as if actually trying to see if anything nearby was shaking. “DOES THE WORLD SHAKE FOR HUMANS?”

“I BELIEVE IT’S A TERM OF GREETING.” Papyrus said. “AND IF THAT IS THE CASE, HELLO AGAIN, MS. HUMAN.”

You gestured to Addict, who was sitting at the table, poking the bag of brown sugar with a fork. “Is he helping us out too?”

“HE INSISTED.” Jaws said. “HE’S VERY PERSISTENT.”

You raised an eyebrow, but decided not to poke at him. Instead you went over to the pot, and decided to try and help save the oatmeal. It was a complex task, and your poor cooking skills were no match for the sheer...whatever Jaws and Papyrus possessed. You had added sugar, apples, honey, and even took some of Jaws’ offered pineapples. In the end, it still tasted like burnt sawdust, and you wondered how in the hell they had managed to achieve it. You sighed and dropped the spoon into the sink, before putting your hands on your hips. Maybe you should just make a new batch? You’d never made oatmeal from scratch, you were too fond of strawberry creme flavor to try, but you could figure this out. After all, you sorta made cake from a box last month, this couldn’t be all that much harder. 

“Okay Jaws, I need you to boil me some more water.” The lanky skeleton did as you asked, putting a new pot on the eye, and measuring out the water. Once it was filled up and on, you gave the skeleton a gentle pat, before you began scooping out and measuring the oats. “Okay, while I do this, could you start measuring out the brown and white sugar, Papyrus?”

The skeleton nodded, and measured out two cups of each sugar type. It may have seemed a bit excessive, but you didn’t trust yourself, or the other skeletons, enough that the food wouldn’t be anything but crusty, burnt ash by the time this whole charade was finally finished. You set aside the measuring cup, and plucked up a blue ladle, and began stirring the mixture, and gestured to the pot with your other hand. Papyrus picks up the densely packed measuring cups. “NOW?”

“Yup, we’re gonna let it boil together.”

You knew that Papyrus was pretty excitable about most things, but you hadn’t been prepared for the scalding pain that hit your hands and the front of your shirt. A shrill scream was ripped from your throat, and your left hand was forced to drop the ladle as the burn ate into your skin. You felt cold hands on your wrists, and you whined as the rough bones brushed against your new wounds. “Stop, you’re hurting me!”

You heard bone clanking against bone, before you were pressed against something cold but soft. Cold bones pressed against your face, shielding your vision from everything, leaving you in the dark. The scent of dust, wet cloth, and something sharp and metallic, all swirled with his natural musk. You winced when you saw light again, but could barely focus as your hands were plunged in cold water. You hissed and tried to draw your hands back, but they were plunged back in, this time with a harder grip. “stay still.”

Wait.

Wait a second.

You knew that monotone voice.

“Addict?” You squinted, your eyes slowly adjusting to the harsh light, and staring at the skeleton. He had plunged a towel into the filled sink, and was carefully ringing it out. “I dunno if I should be surprised or..” You doubt your savior would be happy with the accusation that you were disappointed with him. “Shocked.”

“same thing.”

“I mean they’re synonyms yeah, Ah-!” You hissed as he pressed the cold towel onto your loose tank top. “Could you not? What are you, a torture expert? Don’t you have something you’re usually doing, anyway?”

He stared at you for a moment, before he shoved his wet hands into his pockets, and seeming to almost shrink back into his hood as he stared at you. He blinked a few times, and stuffed his nasal cavity into the front of his hoodie, before turning on his slipper clad feet, and walking away.

“Fucking weirdos.”

* * *

 

Strangely enough, Addict continued to follow you around for the rest of the day. Honestly, you thought that maybe you’d get some kind of a break, maybe he’d go do whatever Addicts did when they weren’t watching you do your daily activities, but instead he stuck to your side like glue  _ all day _ . He insisted on following you into the garden, just standing there and staring like a demonic gargoyle while you put in some of the new plants. Thinking it might make him less creepy, and get some of the work load off you, he was promptly crowned the new water keeper. You even gave him your pink watering can in the shape of an elephant, before directing him to which plants needed to be watered. You weren’t even sure how it happened, but one minute you were dry, and the next you were soaked in freezing cold water.

Your hat slogged off your head, and you stared up at the hose wielding skeleton. “Where did you even-?”

Que a face full of water.

You coughed and spluttered while he just stood there, staring down at you with that uncaring look that was always chiseled into his stupid, bony face. You hissed and reached out to grab it, but he merely took a step back, and adjusted the power on the sprayer. “The fuck are you doing this for?!”

“you stink.”

“So do you, but I don’t complain-Hey, not my phone!”

You thought glaring at him, not sharing your lunch, and purposely slamming your door in his face would get him to leave you alone, but that was sadly not the case. In fact, when you woke up the next morning, your found him in your bed, arms curled around your waist, and his face nuzzled so deep in your boobs, you were thankful he was a skeleton and shouldn’t need to breathe.

“Seriously?”

* * *

Six days.

That’s how long Addict had been following you. He was like a bad smell caused by your intestines, or that friend that only needed you for a ride or some lunch money. They lingered, and lingered, and then pounced at the worst possible time. More than once he had walked in on you while you were in the shower, he practically lived in your room now, and even Blackberry’s blatant threats weren’t enough to deter him from hanging around you like this. At the moment you were more or less stuck to his lap, while he nibbled on a piece of toast Blackberry had made for you, and the skeleton had thought it was okay to steal. You quietly thanked Blackberry as he slammed another plate onto the table, his sockets narrowed, and his eye lights looking more vibrant than they usually did. “SIX DAYS.”

“I noticed.”

“AND IT DIDN’T OCCUR TO YOU THAT YOU HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE HIM LEAVE?”

“I tried.”

Blackberry huffed and pulled out his phone. “HONESTLY, HUMANS ARE SUCH LAZY AND STRANGE CREATURES.” You watched in mild horror as he scrolled on his phone, while flipping some eggs on a pan. You were pretty sure there was a literal fire in the pan, and that it was alive, demanding a human sacrifice. “LET’S SEE, BLACKMAIL…”

Addict shifted you on his lap, his grip on your midsection too tight for comfort. “i’m still here.”

“I’M AWARE.”

“...”

Blackberry leaned against the countertop. “WHY DON’T YOU HAVE ANY SOCIAL MEDIA?”

“it’s irrelevant to my interests.”

“YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE AN EMAIL.”

“we can’t order anything online, so what’s the point?”

That… was actually a good point. Jesus, this place was becoming more and more depressing the longer you stayed. You’d have to ask Sans to let you take the boys out somewhere, like to a movie or something. You set the idea aside for now, in order to mention the obvious. “Blackberry, how do you know how to hack into people’s private accounts?”

“IT’S AMAZING WHAT YOU LEARN FROM BOOKS AND ONLINE ARTICLES.” He pocketed his phone, and turned back to the food, putting it on a long, ceramic platter. You were pretty sure that the eggs weren’t supposed to be glowing that, nor were they supposed to be that weird shade of green. “I HEARD THAT TECHNOLOGY WAS A VERY IMPORTANT FACET TO HUMAN CULTURE, AND BEGAN LEARNING AS MUCH AS I COULD IN THE CASE WE WENT TO WAR WITH THEM. I HAVE FOUND THAT IT IS ALSO AN AMUSING HOBBY, AND AN EXCELLENT WAY TO OBTAIN BLACKMAIL.”

“Is that why you know my bra size?”

“NO, I HELP YOU WITH THE LAUNDRY.”

“Oh yeah…”

You yelped as Addict, abruptly stood up, sending you to the floor. You hissed and turned around, just to find him standing over you, hands shoved in his pockets, his face shoved deep into the collar of his turtle neck. For the first time in a long while, you watched as Addict left the room. With his usual patterns, he’d take a few steps and wait for you, but now...He just left you behind. You stared in mild shock and mild glee, before getting off the sticky floor, and going to the sink to wash your hands. “So mention my bras and he runs away? He’s seen me naked a million times now.”

**_CRASH_ **

“HE WHAT?!”

What the hell was wrong with these boys? You sighed and grabbed a plate, before putting the radioactive eggs onto them. Would that mean that you would end up with super powers, or did you need some kind of stomach pump? You sighed and sat at the table, digging your phone out of your pocket, before grabbing your fork and poking at the eggs. You pulled up a bubble gum pink app and clicked on it. One more day and your ovulation hell would be over. You fully intended to go to a bar and find some cute guy to fuck, because Jesus you need to blow off some steam. You looked up from your app, just to see Addict stumbling into the kitchen, his body outlined in arctic blue magic.

“Blackberry-”

 

“YES, YOU SMELL ABSOLUTELY APPETIZING RIGHT NOW,” He spat. “BUT THAT DOES NOT GIVE THIS-THIS DUMBASS THE RIGHT TO SEE YOU AT YOUR MOST VULNERABLE.”

“I smell like food?”

“NO, IT’S MORE LIKE-”

“you’re ovulating.” Addict said, cutting off Blackberry and making your raise an eyebrow at his statement. “everyone can smell it. makes you more attractive since you’re fertile and fit for breeding.”

You had never seen Blackberry’s eye lights go out, but they did then, and his entire face was the color of his magic. Wow...Okay then.

“Well then,” You pushed yourself up from your chair. “This got really weird, really fast.” You tiptoed around both Addict and Blackberry. “I’m gonna go drown myself in the shower. Do me a favor and don’t go sniffing my panties or something.”

“will do.”

“I said don’t!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They all were acting weird, but Addict was the weirdest and most out of character, so Dealer noticed it more. XD Anyway, yup, Addict gets cuddly when Dealer's ovulating. Just wait until she's on her period. That's gonna be a clusterfuck.
> 
> Know what isn't a cluster fuck? My tumblr! nihilismpastry.tumblr.com


	16. Sans is...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> very suspicious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore Level: None
> 
> Soon my pretties....

You clicked the ignore button on your phone, not even bothering to see who it was, because you already knew. It was the same person who’d been calling you ever since that mess up in the bar, the same person who kept sending cute texts, and the same person who was starting to haunt your dreams. Not even in the sexy way, more like those pre-test jitter dreams of you going to class without pants and underwear on. Instead of something sexy, your ex was basically a godzilla monster that ate flying Shakiras and puked grape jelly. Yes, that was a dream you had, and in the background was the thrilling song:  _ Video Killed the Radio Star _ …

You had learned to never sample any of Jaws’ cooking before bed, ever again.

You pocketed your cellphone, and made your way downstairs, your dirty laundry bundled under one arm. You had about ten minutes until the Uber driver was due to pick you up, and then you were going out for lunch today. Keisha wanted to meet at least one of your roommates, and you were willing to oblige. It’d taken a little convincing, but you had managed to get Sans to get off his lazy, bony ass and come with you. Speaking of which…

You dumped your clothes into the laundry hamper in the laundry room muttering a quick greeting to Red, who was dumping some of his own clothes into the dryer. He paused in his task, and looked you up and down, before snorting. “don’t make me getchya, sugartits.”

“Trust me, I don’t want to wear a collar ever again.”

“and i don’t want ya pukin’ on me.” He said. “life sucks then ya die.”

You ignored his grim words as you left the laundry room, and went to the living room. Sans was there, his hood pulled over his skull, if it wasn’t for the fact his was zipped closed, and he didn’t have a turtleneck peeking out from it, you almost would have confused him for Addict. You gestured to your head. “Why the hood?”

“drivers have a thing about monsters.” He said. “don’t wanna scare them outta their skin.”

That was...Why did he tell stupid skeleton puns?

“Oh…”

The two of you stood in silence for a few moments, well, relative silence. Blackberry was having a screaming match with Edge about the finer points of cooking. You were also sure that Papyrus was singing some kind of song off key and off tempo, or maybe it was Jaws. When it came to singing, both of them were pretty terrible and sounded similar, despite Jaws’ very garbled voice. However you were thankful for the noise, even if it was pretty headache inducing. Playing around in your own bed of thoughts did not sound like a fun or productive task at the moment. Not just because of the issues with your ex alcoholics anonymous sponsor, but because there seemed to be a change of dynamics between you and Sans, and not the good kind.

You didn’t know why things were so awkward with Sans now. He didn’t interact with you much in the first place, but now it had evolved from a few words and jokes passed, to him trying to avoid you like the plague. You had thought it was the whole ovulation thing, Addict wasn’t the only one acting weird, but Sans was weird before that happened. You switch which hands was holding your purse, before pulling out your phone and checking Keisha’s status. Apparently she was on her way to the taco joint, according to her, they had the best guacamole the city had to offer. You hoped they had some good margaritas, you hadn’t had those in a while. You tried to stay away from the super strong stuff, but just a little wouldn’t be a huge slip back. So long as you didn’t get blackout drunk, then you’d consider it a success. You didn’t when you were at the bar with Red the other night, and despite all the bad things that happened, you were pretty happy that you had those memories in your skull.

A cheerful beep from your phone alerted you to your Uber driver’s presence. You pulled it out of your skirt pocket and clicked out the app, before nodding towards the door. “Ready to jet?”

* * *

Keisha hugged you tight when you both finally made it. You sunk easily into the tall woman, and wrapped your arms around her thin hips. “Hey, how’re you doing? It’s been awhile since we had a chance to hang out.”

“I’m doing good, working hard.” You pulled out of the hug, and gestured to Sans, who still had his hood pulled up. You wondered if you’d need to tell him he had to take if off once he actually entered into the restaurant. “Keisha, this is my roommate Sans, Sans this is my friend Keisha.”

Keisha held out a hand. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard quite a bit about you and your family.”

“that so?” He doesn’t hold his hand out for her, they stay firmly in his pockets. “hope she didn’t slander us.”

She chuckles as she shakes her head. “No, apparently you were willing to help her out after a fire, and feed her real food and not take out. You’re a good one in my book.”

There was a pregnant pause, before Sans held out his hand. Without missing a beat, Keisha took it and gave it a firm shake, not even glancing down when she made contact with his bones. “nice to meet ya.”

You turned back to the taco shop, happy that Keisha wasn’t gonna freak out. Not that you expected her to, she worked with a few Monsters at the daycare she worked at. Now you could focus on the whole reason you had put on makeup and a push up bra. “You said this place had a good bar?”

“Drinks.” Keisha said. “I don’t usually go up to the bar, especially at three in the afternoon.”

You grunted and pushed open the door, the smell of garlic and cilantro hitting you hard. You took in a deep breath and moaned. “Jesus, that smells amazing.” Keisha and Sans followed you inside. “I’m getting hungry already.”

Keisha lead you both to one of the circular tables close to the window, but close enough to the bar for your own benefit. You sat down and stretched your legs, humming a little as a pimple faced teen hurried up to you, a stack of menus in his arms. He handed them out, giving the now hoodless Sans a longer than necessary stare, before pulling out a notepad and a green pen. “So uh, drinks?”

Keisha flipped through her menu. “Lemonade please.”

Sans dragged the bottle of ketchup over to him. “i’m good.”

Whelp...Sans’ condiment habit was probably gonna be weirder than someone drinking some alcohol in the middle of the day, on a Thursday. You stood up, and gestured to the bar. “I’ll just go see what they have myself. If that’s okay?”

The teenager shrugged, and walked away to go get Keisha her lemonade. You walked over to the bar, leaning against the gray, stone surface. There were a few bottles stacked on the glass shelf, most of it various brands of tequila, but there was also a few wines, some sherry, and was that a bottle of Jack Daniels? You licked your lips, did you just want a buzz, or did you want something...fun?

The kitchen opened, and you turned just to be nosy, but was surprised to see a skeleton strode through the door. He was wiping his hands off on a white towel, and his yellow eye light seemed to brighten upon seeing you. Otherwise, his scarred face seemed to keep a neutral expression that could borderline boredom. He went behind the bar, and tossed the towel over his shoulder, before bracing himself on the bar. “What’ll it be?”

“Got anything lemon flavored?”

He pushed himself off the counter and turned around, looking through the colorful bottles on the shelf. You began making yourself comfortable on a stool, when an obnoxious, wet fart sounded through the entire room. You could feel your face go warm, and hear your heartbeat in your ears. You...That didn’t happen on purpose. You stood up, and felt under the cushion of the stool, and took out a deflated pink whoopee cushion. You stared at it for several seconds, and the brief image of it burning alive while screaming flittered into your head, before the bartender spoke up. “Don’t worry ‘bout it. Some jackass is always filling the stools with them.”

“Really?”

He turned back around, a dark blue bottle with a silver label on the front in hand. He set the bottle down carefully, before bending slightly, and pulling out a wine glass. “Yup, the jackass next to you is the usual suspect.” 

You squawked when you saw Sans sitting next to you, his head in his hand, and his sockets half lidded. “heya.”

“...”

“find what you wanted?” He said it to you, but his eye lights were focused on the other skeleton.

“Yeah, I just need to get my ID-”

“It’s fine, ya clearly ain’t a kid.”

Well that’s a first. You were ALWAYS carded, you had prayed for the day you wouldn’t be carded anymore. Looks like praying to Cthulhu really did something! Now when was your sanity going to take a nosedive? “Uh, thanks.” You picked up your drink, the cold soaking into your skin like a balm. “You getting a drink, Sans?”

“nah, you sit down. i’ll catch up, kid.”

You shrugged and went back to your table. Keisha was snacking on some of the chips, dipping them in a creamy, white sauce. “Stuck to wine?”

You nod, and sat down. “I wanted something with a lemon flavor, this was the closest thing they had.”

“Not a margarita?”

You opened your mouth, then shut it, your eyebrows furrowing. Wouldn’t a margarita be the perfect lemon thing to drink? Maybe the skeleton had distracted you. Strangely enough, he was pretty handsome. He had a solid bone structure, a very sexy voice, and his gaze was intense. “Wanted to stay closer to the sober side, ya know?”

Keisha hums at this, and swallowed what was in her mouth. “I’m pretty proud of you. I know the whole AA thing didn’t work, but these small steps are super helpful.”

“I guess.”

“Hey, chin up." She smiles a little. “Uh-oh, looks like the bartender might be interested in you.”

With the way the table was set, you only had to turn your head slightly to see the bar. If anything, it more looked like you were trying to check out the window. The other skeleton was staring at you, with that same stone faced look he had when he was fixing you a drink. Sans seemed to be talking to him, but even with his deep voice, you couldn't hear him from where he was. You turned fully back to your table, a smile curling onto your lips as you took a sip of the wine. “Not bad looking.”

“How is it possible for a skeleton to be sexy to a human?” Keisha wondered.

“I have no idea, but I’m not complaining.”

* * *

Sans eventually came back to the table, long after you and Keisha had polished off the appetizers, and ended up downing the entire bottle of ketchup in one go. To Keisha’s credit, she didn’t stare, and you all casually talked about the weather and the quality of the food. Eventually your meals came, Keisha had ordered for you again, and you were blown away by the food. It was the best taco bowl you’d ever had, and you ended up polishing off the entire thing. Keisha offered to pay, but Sans ended up doing it, something about trying to be polite. Neither of you really fought it, and just let the skeletal man pay for the food. You knew Sans was loaded, he was paying you, after all. Keisha left before you both, something about having to pick up a cake from a bakery, leaving you and Sans to polish off refills of your soda. 

As you got up to leave, you felt cold fingers pluck at your sleeve. You turned around, and found yourself face to clavicle with the bartender. You looked up, and took a step back, just for your ass to press against the table. Oh boy…”C-can I help you?”

“You’re Sans and co’s human, yeah?”

“Yeah…”

He looked you up and down, obviously assessing you. When his gaze settled on your chest, you shifted slightly, unsure if covering your chest or actually saying something was the right course of action. As you opened your mouth, his gaze shifted up to your face, and you saw his slit of a mouth curl into a small smile at the edges. “Right, course ya are.” He held out a hand, and you couldn’t help but notice the giant hole in the middle of his palm. Oddly enough, you couldn’t see through it, everything inside was an inky black that reminded you of his scars. “Name’s G, and you?”

You took his hand and gave it a firm shake, telling him your name. “Not that you have to stick with it, no one really does.”

“Things are looking pretty dead here.” It was true, you and your friends had been the only ones to sit down and grab a meal. “If ya like, you can stay until the end of my shift. Got another three hours, but I gotta ‘nother gig after this. What’d ya say, darlin’?”

“Sure-”

“she’s fine.” Sans’ voice was cold, but when you looked back at him, he looked as relaxed as ever, with his hands stuck in his pockets, and hunched over. “we have some stuff to handle at the house.”

“Frisk told me you’d be like this.” G said. “Lie sounds pretty efficient, but I ain’t askin’ you. I’m askin’ the human.”

Sans’ sockets narrowed, and you saw the eye light of his left socket burn a little brighter than the other. However, he didn’t protest, instead he backed away, before turning on the heel of his sneakers, and heading out the door.

G turned back to you, the same bored expression on his face, and the same bored tone in his voice despite his obvious victory. “So, what’ll it be?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, that just happened. Things are gonna still be pretty chill for a little while, but prepare...Your anuses are gonna be penetrated by the thick dick of plot. It shall be orgasmic. 
> 
> Know what isn't orgasmic? My tumblr! nihilismpastry.tumblr.com


	17. Sans Is Most Certainly....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore Level: None

You ended up finding Sans in a bar down the street from the Mexican place. It was one of those hole in the wall places where you were sure rats found their way into the bag of pretzels, and there was a ghost haunting the ladies bathroom after death by drowning in hot sauce. You didn’t bother to sit on one of the sticky bar stools, nor did you acknowledge the lanky bartender, your gaze solely fixed on the skeleton drinking some piss poor beer. “Sans?”

“look who it is, my not pot dealer.”

You frowned as you got a good look at his face. It was flushed a bright blue, and his eye lights looked brighter than normal. Maybe the light from his pupils was just casting over his face...You shook your head and came closer. “Sans, I think you’re drunk. Maybe we should go home-”

“nah, i’m good and fine. ya should calm your tits and have a drink.” He held out his own drink, it had the harsh scent of vodka, but there was a hint of something floral. You’d never smelled anything like it in your life. “come on, human. ain’t got all day.”

You carefully took his glass and took a sip. It sparked on your tongue, and your body went warm. It wasn’t harsh going down, it was smooth and left a cooling effect in your mouth that reminded you of swallowing listerine. Sans snickered and took back the cup, downing the rest of the drink, before passing off the cup to the bar tender, who refilled it from a pale, glowing blue bottle. “I-is that magic?”

“yup.” The bartender slid back the glass, and went back to eavesdropping. Sans turned around to look back to you and took a swig from the glass. For a moment you swore there was a burst of light from his sockets. “shitty stuff, not like the stuff at grillby’s. kinda banned from there, though.”

“...”

He gestured to the red topped bar stool next to him. “well come on. don’t just stand there like a idiot. sit.”

You wrinkled your nose, but did as he asked, sitting down, and trying to swallow your revulsion at the sticky feeling. You prayed to god it was spilled alcohol, or literally anything that wasn’t cum or piss. “Sans, why’d you run out of the restaurant like that?”

“it’s a free country.”

“You and I both know that’s not an answer.” You rubbed your temples, the soothing motion causing you to sigh and calm down just the slightest bit. Jesus, you were beginning to sound like your mother.

There was silence between you both for awhile, Sans steadily getting more drunk, and you enjoying that hint of a buzz the alcohol had given you. When he slammed his glass down again, how hasn’t he broken it yet, he turned to look at you again. “so why aren’t you with that jackass?”

You raised an eyebrow, his words were beginning to slur, you almost missed his question entirely. “Because I was hanging out with you. I have his number, and we can text over the phone, but this day was supposed to be about you, me, and my friend.” You frowned slightly, feeling uncomfortable heaviness in your chest. “Sans, do you seriously think that lowly of me? That I’d just stop hanging out with you, because some hot skeleton guy walks up and wants to talk?”

“humans are selfish like that.”

The bartender makes a grinding noise with his teeth, but is otherwise silent. You however...You stare at the skeleton, your jaw clenched and fingers curled into your skirt. Oh, you’d had such a similar conversation at one point. You’d spat similar words to someone, and then everything blew up in your face. Maybe it was some sort of sick joke, some karma for back during the days you didn’t care about anyone else except yourself.

It wouldn’t surprise you.

Regardless of similar words said, and sins you had made a forever ago, it still made you angry. You grabbed his glass, and slid it closer to you, ignoring his exclamation of irritation, and half assed attempt to drag it back to himself. “Sans, what the hell is your problem? One minute you’re calling me a greedy human, and then you give me a house. One day you’re comforting me after a drunk night out, and now you’re calling me essentially a greedy and selfish human.  _ Again _ . I can put up with a lot of things from my employer, but if you really hate humanity this much, then I can’t be associated with you. It’s no different than if I said that I hate Monsters, and saw all of them as greedy bastards, while still trying to use their services and keep them happy so said services won’t be taken away.”

You hopped off the bar stool, shuddering from the stick splatting noise your skirt made as you extracted yourself. You avoided looking at Sans, instead keeping your eyes on your skirt as you fixed the fabric. Once you were sure another pussy model incident didn’t happen, you turned on your heel and walked out of the bar. Your eyes stung, and you felt tired and achy, as if you’d gone through and ran a mile at an incline.

You rubbed at your eyes furiously, trying to get rid of the tears before they could fall. Why in the hell did you feel this way? You hardly knew Sans, nothing except his flip floppish behavior that made you both happy and irritated. You let out a laugh, and began walking down the street, not even paying attention to the cars that sped dangerously close to the sidewalk, or the bustling people that were trying to get back to work before their lunch break was officially over.

You weren’t stupid.

You knew the exact reason that you felt like sobbing, pulling your hair out, slinging plates at a wall. When you were six your mother taught you to never play with the stove by turning it on. The pretty red had captivated you, and you had burnt your fingers in an attempt to play with the eye. Your mother had turned it off….Then had repeated the process four more times until you realized that no matter how many times the stove turned that pretty shade of red, it would still burn you and leave you in tears. And here you were, making the same stupid mistakes again and again, not able to learn from them, and then sobbing like a stupid child.

A sharp pain stabbed your shoulder, and you yelped and stumbled back, nearly falling onto the concrete. You glanced around, hoping to catch the person who did it, but the sea of people had shuffled on. You scoffed and rubbed at your shoulder, until you noticed a bright, glowing red in an alleyway.

A bar.

Very different to the bar you had just came out of, this one not only sold drinks to relax the mind, but there were people to relax the body as well. You didn’t like paying for sex, not when you could just grab the low hanging fruit from bars, but it didn’t seem like too bad of an idea right now. Have a cold drink, have some mediocre sex, and then go back home to get your stuff moved out as soon as possible. Well, you had to actually find a place first, maybe you should do that instead of getting drunk and catching an STD from terrible bathroom sex.

God, when did you get standards?

You twisted away from the alley and continued in a straight line, not caring where you went, so long as it wasn’t back home. Jeez, back in nursing school you didn’t have much of a problem fucking strangers in vomit slathered bathrooms, or against the dumpster in an alleyway. If your time with Jonathan and Marie had done anything, it’d made you want to have sex in less gross places. Then again, that had to be more Marie’s thing, despite being an incredible surgeon, she was also a bit of a clean freak. She would always hand wash the toys she used on you, and would make Jonathan wash you with special soaps and scrub brushes. Not that you blamed her for any of that, as you already noted, you had sex in disgusting places, even after you became the husband and wife duo’s sub.

You shook your head. “Why am I even torturing myself like this?”

A sharp laugh escaped you as you noticed where you stopped. Right back in front of that stupid restaurant, with no one inside, and too much money in your wallet. Well, if you weren't going to have sex, the least you could do was get another drink. House hunting was a stressful job, after all, and you were already more stressed than a Team Fortress team that didn’t have a healer.

You pushed open the door to the Mexican resturant, and made your way straight to the bar. G looked up from the shot glass he was cleaning, but didn’t comment on your reappearance as you sat on a barstool. “Do you have bourbon?”

“Yup.” He didn’t make a move to pour you a glass though. “Thought ya were goin’ back with your friend?”

You smoothed a hand over your skirt, frowning as you looked at the shelf instead of the bar tender. “I don’t think we’ll be talking to each other anymore.”

“Lemme guess, Sans pushed you away?” He scoffed, and you heard the slink of the shot glass against the bar. There was more clinking glass, before you heard a cork pop open. “Sans is an idiot. Always pushing people away, never being clear ‘bout jack shit. Meddling with shit, and then getting pissy with the shit he started.”

You felt a warm glass by your elbow, and you looked down to see a wine glass filled with a red liquid. You raised an eyebrow, but plucked up the glass anyway and took a sip. It had a floral taste, but had something slightly bitter about it. The drink wasn’t the best one you’d ever had, but it wasn’t the worst either. “So I take it you know him?”

“Better than most.” G leaned against the counter top, and muttered something in another language, it sounded vaguely European. When he seemed to calm himself down, he jabbed a finger at you. “So I’ll tell you this. I know that Sans called you a selfish bitch, and you’re debating on moving out. Don’t.”

“How do you-”

“Because it’s already happened before.” He dropped his hand, and put away the violet wine bottle. “Which sounds crazy, but you live in a world with Monsters and magic. When I was still in Finland, you humans could hardly believe I existed. That was a month ago.”

“What?”

G stared at you for a moment, before stretching out his hand. Gold light leaked from the hole in his palm, and for a second you felt a like a stone had dropped to the bottom of your stomach, and your heart beat a little faster. A sickening sense of deja vu was the icing on the cake, the thing that made you want to vomit up your lunch and finish off this already miserable day. “Not a full reset button. Not like the kid. My magic can give me a glimpse into the future though. You wanna try?”

You stared at the glowing magic as the tendrils wrapped around his long fingers, and for a moment you had the distinct impression of a golden flower and a gaggle of vines. Your fingers unfurled from the wine glass, and you reached out, fingertips hovering just on the edge of the thinnest vine. “If I do this, I’m not going to change my fate or something?”

G stared down at his magic for a moment, before glancing back up to you. “I could go into a spiel about humans and fate, but I’ll just tell you it’s all stupid. This can tell you the future, but you make that shit.” He said. “You’re the one who makes the decisions, makes the mistakes, and does whatever the hell you want at the end of a day. Fate ain’t got jack shit to do with anything.”

Said the Monster that could see the future.

Said the Monster that’s already lived this before.

Said the Monster that was a stranger.

You retracted your hand, and set it on your lap. For a moment G’s uncaring look cracked, his brow bone lifting a few centimeters before he was once again schooled back into a bored expression. “Interesting…”

You hop off the bar stool, being sure to finish your wine first, before handing back the glass. “Look, thanks for basically confusing me, but I think I should go house hunting.”

G’s eye light becomes sharper, but he shrugs, plucking up the wine glass and going over to the small sink to clean it. “Good luck.”

* * *

You ended up purchasing several local magazines from the grocery store while waiting for your Uber driver. You knew that some of the more desperate folks put up their houses and apartments in them. It not only expanded your horizons a tiny bit, but it also saved you some data that you couldn’t afford to waste. You ended up finding a rickety bench beside a fountain, and began reading the ads wedged between stories about rich people both helping the community and/or evading taxes, completely ignoring the squealing kids that walked by to throw their coins into the fountain. 

Most of the places featured in the ads were directed towards Monsters. Not that it said it explicitly, but...Well, there weren’t many TV shows or commercials that featured Monsters these days. However, seeing sheeple telling you about how ‘baaa-d’ you’d want to see the rooms available…

Well, you didn’t know how else you were supposed to interpret it. Places that accepted Monsters, usually didn’t allow many humans. That would leave less space for the Monsters, who were either exploited for high rent, or the landlord couldn’t claim them on the new property laws that gave owners kickbacks for helping out the new-ish species. Maybe if you called, you could bribe the owners for a quick look…

A quick call later, and you actually managed to get a walkthrough for an apartment building over on the other side of town. It was considered a hip place, where mostly college students stayed, and artists who had big aspirations and shallow pockets.

Another thing it was known for: Monster murders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, this is a repeating time loop story! Wow, who wouldn't have guessed it. However, it doesn't explain 'WHY' Sans acts the way he does. Pretty sure one of you knows...Ya'll always post pretty good theories, anyway. 
> 
> Knows what doesn't have a good theory? My tumblr! http://nihilismpastry.tumblr.com/


	18. Papyrus is Papyrus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And you're thankful for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore Level: none
> 
> This fucking fic, I swear to god!

You got back to the house during the early evening, several of the magazines under your arm. The living room was empty, and you couldn’t hear the usual bickering from upstairs either. You frowned, but decided not to question it as you went to your own bedroom. You flicked on your light with your free hand, and began kicking off your heels. Once you were stable and fully on the floor, you tossed your magazines onto the bed and sat down next to them. “What a day…”

You pulled out your phone and turned it on. There were a few text messages and a missed call. Unsurprisingly the call came from a telemarketer, and it was quickly deleted and blocked. The first text was from the landlord of the apartment complex you wanted to check out with the date and time you were supposed to meet him. You saved that, and moved onto the next one, however you were surprised to see it came from Sans. You double checked the number and name, just to make sure it wasn’t some half hopeful wish or something, just for your eyes not to be deceiving you. “Meet me in the bathroom?”

It was sent five minutes ago.

The minute you came home.

“Fucking weirdos.” You muttered. “I bet he’s taking notes from Yandere Simulator.”

You pocketed your phone and flopped backwards on the bed. You didn’t feel like going to meet Sans, you didn’t think you could talk to him without yelling at him. Then again, maybe he was expecting you to move out tonight? Maybe he wanted to kick you out, take your employment, and even get a refund? Technically, you haven’t even kept you up end of the deal, you hadn’t been able to make any teas for your employer yet.

“Dammit…”

You really didn’t think any of this through, did you?

You basked in the softness of the bed a moment longer, before pushing yourself up, and heading back upstairs. Sans didn’t specify which bathroom you were supposed to go to, but you guessed it was the one on the second floor you were pretty fond of using. You were hoping, anyway. You did your best to stay out of the other bathrooms, it seemed to be an unspoken rule that the second floor bathroom was yours, the others in the house were off limits. You made your way upstairs and to the second floor, your steps light and breathing at a minimum. You didn’t know if Sans told everyone else about your current state of employment, and you didn’t want to start unnecessary drama with it.

You sighed and opened up the bathroom door, just to find Papyrus sitting on the counter, playing a game that sounded suspiciously like candy crush. “Hey, Papyrus, what’re you doing here?”

“I WAS THE ONE THAT TEXTED YOU.” Papyrus said, not looking up from his phone. “MY BROTHER CAME HOME QUITE THE WRECK TODAY, AND I WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU BOTH WERE OKAY.”

Yay, drama ahoy.

You shrugged a bit. “Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t we be-”

“OKAY, MAYBE I SHOULD TELL YOU THAT I KNOW YOU QUIT YOUR JOB AS OUR TEA MAKER.” Papyrus said, looking up from the phone for the first time. “AND THAT YOU MET OUR FRIEND, G.” 

“...”

The cheerful song from the game died as Papyrus paused it, his smile faltering somewhat. “DID...DID WE DO SOMETHING TO UPSET YOU?” He asked. “I KNOW WE ARE A HARD GROUP TO GET ALONG WITH, BUT I DIDN’T THINK IT WOULD BE ENOUGH TO DRIVE YOU OFF...AT LEAST NOT SO SOON.”

You sighed, and scratched the back of your head. “Papyrus, it doesn’t have anything to do with you, or even the others.” You said. “Sans is just…”

“TOO MUCH?”

“Uh, yeah, actually.” You raised an eyebrow, not expecting him to realize that his brother was the problem. “He said some things today, and I just can’t work for someone that’s racist and wants to use me for his own ends, while simultaneously hating me for something that I can’t control. You get it, right?”

Papyrus opened his mouth, but slowly shut it, his shoulders slumping. “MY BROTHER IS VERY...WELL, HE HAS HAD PROBLEMS WITH HUMANS IN THE PAST. IT’S NOT THAT HE’S RACIST, IT’S THAT HE DISLIKES THE WAY THEY TREAT MONSTERS, OR THOSE WHO TRY TO DEFEND MONSTERS.”

“That’s not what he told me, Papyrus.” You shook your head. “It’s nice of you to try and clean up his mess, really. But this whole thing he started, he’s going to have to come and clean it up himself. I’m tired of people trying to make excuses for others, and staying mired in the same old shit. It’s…” You cut yourself off with a sigh, shaking your head. “Look, I like this house, and I like most of the people that live in it, trust me. I just don’t like the way that Sans treats me. I’m not leaving today, but I will be leaving as soon as possible. We can still be friends though, if you want.”

Mild surprise colored Papyrus’ face, before his smile came back in full force. “YES, OF COURSE. YOU AND I SHALL BE BEST OF FRIENDS FOR AS LONG AS YOU PLEASE, MS. TEA MAKER.”

“Cool.” You jabbed a thumb back at the bathroom door. “I’ve gotta go on to bed. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

“OF COURSE!”

You give him a small smile, before opening up the bathroom door. You pause when you catch sight of Addict. His sockets were narrowed, and he was playing with something bright orange just on the outside of his pockets. He stares at you, the magic in his eye sockets pulsing with something firey and wild. You slowly take a step back, but you squeak when Papyrus pushes you forward, trying to get out of the bathroom. You stumble forward, and Addict catches you before you can land face first on the floor.

His magic swirls around you, tight as a cocoon, and yet you don’t feel like you’re in danger at all. For a moment you feel nothing but safety and longing, the second emotion so strong you can feel your eyes sting, and you held out your hands, wanting to be held and cuddled. Addict blinks, and slips his arms away from your body, taking a step away from you. That feeling of longing and want was gone, but the tears still lingered, as did your gaze on the elusive skeleton.

He scowled at you, his fingers twisting in the fabric of his off gray jacket. You weren’t sure what you expected from him as you stood there, watching him turn on his heel and walk down the hall. You hadn’t wanted comfort before, you wanted to leave, but now…

You rubbed at your eyes harshly, the light sting helping to ground you to reality. Papyrus had told you to ignore whatever you felt from Sans’ magic when it touched you, did that mean the same thing for the other skeletons?

You heard the bathroom door open, and you lowered your hands enough to see Papyrus exit. Humid and warm air swirled out of the bathroom, accompanied by the scent of fragrant oranges. He had changed out of his day clothes, and into a loose plaid set of pajamas that looked far too loose on the tall skeleton.

He paused, his clothes bundled under his arm. “YOU’RE STILL HERE?”

"I was talking to Addict.” You said. It wasn’t a complete lie, some kind of communication had just happened. “I’m gonna go to bed now though.”

Papyrus studied you for a moment, before he gave you a mall smile. “WOULD YOU LIKE A BEDTIME STORY?”

“Um…”

  
“SANS READS THEM TO ME.” He admitted. “IT’S A RITUAL FROM WHEN WE WERE CHILDREN, IT HELPS US BOTH GET IN THE MIND SET FOR SLEEP. MAYBE,” His face flushed a pale tangerine. “MAYBE IT COULD HELP FOR YOU AS WELL?” 

You stared up at skeleton in mild surprise. While Papyrus wasn’t mean to you by any means, he wasn’t close to you either. You would call it a cordial politeness born from the necessity of being housemates, not a full on friendship. This was probably the closest thing that signaled he’d like to actually be friends, not just humor an offer born from you also trying to be polite. 

A small smile spread on your face, and you nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Papyrus beamed, and bundled his clothes closer to his chest. “ALRIGHT, GO BACK DOWNSTAIRS AND FIND A BOOK YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO READ, AND I SHALL COME IN A MOMENT.”

You nodded, and did as he instructed, taking the stairs two at a time. Part of you was scolding yourself, not wanting to get close to Papyrus like this, and ultimately leave. However, the less logical part of your brain argued that it was okay. That when you left, you could call Papyrus, and maybe hang out from time to time like normal friends would. Because, honestly, outside Emily and Keisha, you didn’t really have any friends. You fucked people, you escaped their apartments or the bathroom you were fucking in, and you never spoke to them again. Hell, you were only certain that Emily and Keisha escaped the ‘friend ban’ you had on your life was thanks to an awareness that you’d need a couch to crash on if your life went up in flames again.

Fuck, you were a terrible friend.

You shook the thoughts away as you opened your door. You picked your way through the mess you called your room, just to stub your toe on a manual for Skyrim. Your foot retracted back, and you flexed your toes carefully, keeping your curses low as you bent down and picked up the hardback book.

Well, Papyrus never said what  _ type _ of story he was gonna read to you. This one was as good as any, you supposed. You held the book to your chest as you climbed into the bed, and situated yourself into a comfortable position. Just as you were pulling your blankets up, the door opened, and Papyrus peeked inside. He smiled widely upon seeing you in the bed, though it did turn down at the edges. “YOUR ROOM IS DEPLORABLE.”

“Does that take away bedtime story privileges?”

He gave a dramatic sigh, and properly entered the room, shutting the door behind him. He used magic to clear a path to your bed, the trash and clothes glowing that tangerine orange as they were pushed to the side. When he got to your bed, he adjusted your covers, curling them around you properly in a cocoon of sorts, before picking up the Skyrim manual. “THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED ME TO READ?”

“Yes, please.”

Without judging you, without giving you funny looks, without even questioning  _ why _ you wanted that particular book read, he opened it to the first page, and began to read aloud. His words were loud, but he stressed them where they needed to be stressed, and softened them when they needed to be softened. Even if it was just the stats on various enemies, he made every word interesting, everything held meaning to him. It lulled you into a sense of comfort, your head lulling to rest on his ulna, your eyes fluttering shut, just listening to his relaxing voice.

Before you knew it, you fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Addict is now showing off emotions via his magic now, how odd. And Papyrus is beginning to be more than just polite out of necessity. Could this be the start of feelings? Nope, probably not. 
> 
> Know what is the start of feelings? My tumblr! http://nihilismpastry.tumblr.com/


	19. The Apartment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You find out some things about the apartment and Monsters...

The apartment building looked better on the outside than the photograph had hinted at. The brick was worn, but it wasn’t covered in bird shit and graffiti. There was a half alive maple tree right outside the green painted front doors, and there was even a decent buzzer system as well. Altogether it wasn’t the worst set up in the world, and you felt mildly confident as you walked up the steep steps and into the air conditioned building. 

The lobby wasn’t anything to write home about. Just some fake wood floors, a desk with a bored looking teenager running the show. There were two plastic green chairs against the wall and a precarious pile of magazines on a rickety table. You were just about to wonder if the landlord had given you the wrong time when a man walked out from the mailroom.

He leaked confidence in his walk, and had a head full of hair that was still more blonde than gray. Large brown eyes were in his head, but there was a smattering of freckles right below them.

You’d know that face anywhere and you hated it.

“Oh! I- uh, didn’t know you’d be coming.” The man gave a wry smile. “It’s really nice to see you again.”

You fought the urge to cross your arms over your chest. You had to remember to be polite, there was nothing good about pissing off the person that could get you away from your current employer. “It’s me…”

He grinned and looked you up and down. “Wow, you look good. I heard from Joshua that you ended up leaving them, you kinda fell off the face of the earth with everyone else too.”

“Well, I managed to get my life together.”

“Not working two jobs then?”

“Just the one.”

Brown eyes studied you for a long moment, trying to pick apart what you meant. You shuffled under his gaze, eyes shifting to stare at the empty water receptacle when he finally let out a short laugh. “I always knew you’d make a good nurse. You looked sexy as one before, anyway.”

“...”

He gently took your wrist and began leading you from the lobby and down the hall. “So, you know that this place has ten floors, and most rooms from level three up have balconies. We have a no pets policy, so if you still have that black lab you can’t bring him here.”

He made it in front of an elevator and pushed the open button. “There’s been a lot of murders in this place? You didn’t bring your… Side business here, did you?”

“I pimp the girls out on the other side of town,” he said. “I inherited this place after my old man died. I can’t stop some of the more illicit activities that go on here, but I try to keep a lot of things safe and in order. Plus, it’s a place a lot of Monsters live at. You know how they are.”

Your nose wrinkled at the statement as you followed him onto the elevator once the doors opened. “No, I don’t know how they are, Maverick.”

“A lot of them have this thing for trouble,” he said. “I work with one of those sorts of guys. Good guy, a good head for business and makes more than any of my girls, but he killed three clients already.”

“...”

Maverick shrugged. “He claimed they deserved it. Did something to his holes or whatever.”

Well, he was an unconcerned boss still, just like he was when he was younger. You stole a glance back to him, his gaze was fixed on the glowing numbers as they went up each floor. The only thing that had seemed to change about him was the amount he cursed, his hair was going white, and the fact he wasn’t high as balls.

Despicable.

When the elevator dinged and the doors opened, your wrist was grabbed once again, and you were lead down the hall. Most of the rooms seemed to be quiet, and the few that had noises were low scratches or idle chatter that was a tad too loud. All of the doors were painted a forest green, and your flats didn’t stick to the linoleum floors. So far, the place didn’t seem all that bad, hopefully, the apartment itself wasn't a dump either.

Maverick stopped outside a door that had a crooked 6F painted on it in a black. He took out a key and unlocked the door before leading you inside.”Here we go.”

It looked pretty standard and what you had seen in the ads. Beige carpets, white walls, a shitty refrigerator and stove, white cabinets and countertops, and the living room was rather small. You began making your way further into the apartment, but the hair on the back of your neck stood on end when you heard Maverick following behind you. “No laundry room?”

“There’s a laundromat across the street,” he said. “I know the owners, good people. Kid’s marrying a Monster, a dog one last I heard.”

“I didn’t know they legalized that.”

“They did two months ago.” 

You hummed and peeked into the first bedroom. It was small and had an equally tiny window that had a decent view across the street. As he said there was a laundromat, but there was also a convenience store, and a vaping place set up as well. You checked the closet and were unsurprised to see that it was not only small, but there were red smudges all over the walls. “So, what happened in here?”

“Tenant was a cutter, used to smear blood all over the walls.”

You looked back to the tall man. “And you didn’t think to paint them?”

He merely shrugged, and you shook your head in disgust as you shut the door. You dug in your purse for your hand sanitizer while you slowly made your way to the bathroom. This too was small, with a white sink, toilet, and tub. The shower head looked a bit corroded, and the tiles were stained with blood in here too. “Your apartment is beginning to look more and more like a murder scene.”

“Sweet Pea, this is one of the rooms that no one died in.”

You grit your teeth at the nickname. It wasn’t his personal name for you, not like so many others had, but it was your old work name. A stage name of sorts that came from so many people finding it adorable that a seventeen year old was whoring herself out. You got a lot of nicknames from those early years, but Sweet Pea was the one that fit the most and was the one that your oh so special clients were keen on using. It was almost like putting your name into the name selection spot in Skyrim, but having no one actually using it.

“Maverick, this tour has been great and all, and I’ll call you if I think the place is any good.”

He stared at you as you began rubbing your hands, smearing the sweet smelling cleanser all over your hands and wrists. As if a light bulb went off he shook his head and held his hands up as if trying to calm a deer. “Oh, sorry ‘bout that. You know what they say about old habits, right? Shoulda known you wouldn’t like it if I used your whore name on you like that. My bad.”

You bit your lip and kept walking, the older man still following behind you. The silence was heavy and more than once you found yourself popping your fingers just to break the spell. You knew that you could never really get along with Maverick, this idea was terrible from the start, you should have just left the moment you saw him. Why did you honestly think that this could be a good way to get away from Sans-

“Hey.”

You were dragged from your thoughts. “What?”

“Look, I know I screwed up, but I don’t want you thinking that I’m a bad person or anything like that.” He scratched the back of his head. “I guess the whole thing with Joshua really straightened me out on a lot of things. I learned my lesson from last time. So, if you’re still in contact with Joshua…” 

You stopped and stared at him. “I’ll think about it.”

His face paled, but that cheesy smile was still in place. “Alright… Good. I’ll uh,” He shrugged. “Hear from you soon?”

The elevator dinged as the doors opened up for you, and you stepped inside. “Yeah, probably.”

* * *

 

All the way back home you cried. You weren't even sure why you were crying, the trip went way better than expected, but that didn’t stop your tear ducts from spilling out your precious water. So really, it shouldn’t have been surprising when Blackberry looked utterly shocked when you parked your bike and began locking it up to the bike rack that Papyrus had bought you. 

“HUMAN, WHY DO YOUR EYES LOOK READY TO BURST?”

You sniffled and rubbed your face with the sleeve of your jacket. “G-got something in my eye while I was biking home.”

You heard him walk closer to you, his boots crunching the dry grass and kicking away the rocks that were in his way. Leather gloved pressed against your face, and he slowly turned you away from the rack to look at him. Slowly he bent forward, his fanged mouth opening up a centimeter, and you felt something cold and tingly on your face. It was like a light snow that blew across your face, but it smelled so very sweet and didn’t get you wet at all.

When Blackberry pulled away he examined you carefully. “IS THAT BETTER, HUMAN?”

“Y-yeah, thanks.”

He nodded sharply. “OF COURSE. IF YOU’RE BLIND THEN THERE WOULD BE NO WAY FOR YOU TO ADMIRE MY AMAZING GOOD LOOKS, ATTEND TO YOUR JOB AND CHORES, OR PLAY THOSE GAMES YOU LOVE SO MUCH.”

“No, I guess not.” You slowly stood up, your joints popping and cracking once you were at your full height. “Thanks, Black. You’re… You’re always trying to take care of me and look out for me.” 

“AND WHY WOULDN’T I?”

“Why would you though?” You asked. “You didn’t like me, no one did when I first moved in, but now you’re always looking out for me despite the fact it’s basically been a month and three weeks.That’s uh, that’s not really enough time to go from enemies to best friends, is it?” 

He tilted his head to the side and hummed. “THAT MAY SEEM THAT WAY TO A HUMAN, BUT MONSTERS GENERALLY FEEL VERY DIFFERENTLY. FOR US, WE FEEL EMOTIONS STRONGER THAN THE AVERAGE HUMAN DUE TO THE TIGHT CONNECTIONS BETWEEN EMOTIONS, THE SOUL, AND MAGIC. MY FEELINGS FOR YOU ARE GENERALLY POSITIVE, AND AS SUCH I DO MY BEST TO EXPRESS THEM IN A WAY THAT WON’T SCARE YOU OFF.”

“But in such a short amount of time?’

“IT DOESN’T TAKE VERY LONG TO FEEL SOMETHING,” Blackberry said. “DOES THIS MEAN I TRUST YOU? NO. HOWEVER, I DO NOT HATE YOU, AND I DO ENJOY YOUR COMPANY. I MAY ALSO HAVE READ ARTICLES IN ORDER TO LEARN TO EXPRESS MYSELF IN A POSITIVE WAY THAT WON’T KILL YOU. HUMANS ARE ENTIRELY TOO FRAGILE.”

“Oh…”

He pet your head, causing your face to go warm. “DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT TOO MUCH. YOU HAVE PROVEN TO BE INVALUABLE COMPANY IN THIS PRISON OF OURS.”

“Thank you, I guess.” Your phone vibrated, and when you pulled it out, you weren’t surprised to see that oh so familiar number on your phone. You clicked cancel and shoved the phone back in your pocket. “Hey, you wanna lay out some traps?”

“OH, HUMAN,” The grin Blackberry gave you would have put the fear of a God in you if you didn’t know he was your friend. “I AM ALWAYS PREPARED FOR THAT.”  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT! Yes, I finally updated this damn thing. I was in a major writer's block with it, but I'm so happy it finally lifted to get this chapter out. Hopefully, it stays away and I can keep writing it. 
> 
> Know what can't stay away? My tumblr! http://nihilismpastry.tumblr.com/


	20. You are...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a whore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore Level: None

It was early evening after a long day of setting up traps with Blackberry. Dinner was pizza, and you ate in your room by yourself this time. Blackberry was needed by his brother, and for that you were grateful. As much as you liked the small skeleton, at times it felt suffocating to be around him. Light touches on your arm, demands for your attention, and he often would stare at you when he thought you wouldn’t even notice. You remember that sort of thing meant attraction, but you weren’t sure if Blackberry was attracted to you or what you could do for him. Often times he acted like an attention starved puppy, and it would ebb away when you gave him said attention.

It was both cute and odd.

You pushed your plate away and leaned your head back against your bed while the TV played music in the background. Soft light glowed from it as a video game menu danced around on the display. You shut your eyes when you heard your phone vibrate from its place on your pillow, and did your best to ignore it. When the device went silent you opened your eyes again and reached for your gaming controller. You started the game, and began moving through the campaign of the old first person shooter. It was relaxing not having to think about anything, and just pointing and shooting down your targets.

It was several hours later when your fingers were cramping, and your housemates had long since quieted down that you heard a knock at your door. You blinked out of your stupor, and paused the game as you twisted around to look at the closed door. “Who is it?”

“EDGE,” he said. “I HAVE SOMETHING TO GIVE YOU, SO OPEN THE DOOR BEFORE I TOSS IT OUT.”

You set your controller on its charger, before pushing yourself up and making your way to the door. When you pulled it open you found Edge standing in front of the door with a few of your bras. You felt your face go warm as you took them from him. “Um, thanks. Did they get mixed up in your laundry?”

“YES.” He regarded you with narrowed sockets. “YOU NEED TO LEARN TO SEPARATE YOUR LAUNDRY PROPERLY FROM NOW ON. SOME OF US ARE NOT AS HONEST, AND WOULD KEEP YOUR UNDERGARMENTS FOR LESS THAN HONEST REASONS.”

You raised an eyebrow at that. “W-wait, you mean that skeletons have genitals? Sex drives?”

“OF COURSE WE DO!” You winced from his insulted tone, and you found yourself wanting to pop your knuckles. “HOW DID YOU THINK WE PROCREATE?”

“Magic?”

“...”

“...”

Edge sighed and pinched the space between his eyes with gloved fingers. “HUMAN, YOU TRULY DO NOT UNDERSTAND MONSTERS AND HOW THEY FUNCTION. IT IS A BLESSING THAT YOU ARE LEAVING US BEFORE YOU MANAGE TO DAMAGE US IN A  IRREVERSIBLE FASHION.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, and your fingers clutched the bras a bit tighter at his words. She knew that her understanding of Monsters was abysmal, you knew even less about skeleton Monsters, but implying that you would hurt them at all felt obnoxious. They all pointed out how you were so much weaker than them, and that you were more likely bound to be hurt by them than the other way around.

“That’s great, Edge.” You took a step back from the door, and your free hand curled around the doorknob. “Do you need anything else?”

“DO THE OTHERS KNOW?”

“Huh?”

Edge rolled his maroon eye lights. “PLEASE DO NOT ACT LIKE AN UTTER INGRATE. I ASKED YOU IF ANYONE ELSE IN THIS HOUSE KNEW THAT YOU WERE PLANNING TO LEAVE THIS PLACE?” 

You shrugged. “Papyrus does. He was the first to know outside Sans, I guess.” Your eyebrows furrowed. Um, why do you care? I thought you didn’t like me at all.”

“I AM INDIFFERENT TOWARDS YOU, HUMAN,” he said. “I DO NOT CARE TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT YOU DO WITH YOURSELF. YOU HAVE GIVEN ME NO REASON TO HATE YOU, JUST AS YOU’VE GIVEN ME NO REASON TO LIKE YOU EITHER. INSTEAD, I AM ASKING FOR THE SAKE OF THE STABILITY OF OUR HOME.”

“The herbal teas I make can be brewed-”

Edge shook his skull. “HUMAN, IT IS HARDLY ABOUT THE TEAS. HOWEVER, YOU ARE ONCE AGAIN PROVING YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT MONSTERS, SO I WILL NOT WASTE MY PRECIOUS TIME IN EXPLAINING EVERY EXPLICIT DETAIL.”

You watched Edge turn on the heel of his boot and make his way down the hall. You stared after him for a long moment, before shaking your head and shutting the door. You make your way back down the steps and go straight to the dresser to throw your bras inside. You don’t think you would ever truly understand Monsters and the way they that they think. They were most certainly their own people, and from what Blackberry had said, they felt things a certain way as well.

“Stupid Edge…”

You flopped onto your bed and stared up at the ceiling. You could hear footsteps above you, and loud talking that you were sure came from Jaws. Sometimes it was hard to tell the difference between Papyrus and Jaws unless you were in the same room with them…

You flipped onto your side and dragged a pillow over your head to block out the noise and to hide the glow of the pause screen from your eyes. Now that Edge had mentioned it, you couldn’t help but think about how little you did to actually understand your housemates and how they functioned. All you knew was what they needed in their teas, but you didn’t know their biology and emotional states.

Not really.

While Sans was terrible, your future landlord was so much worse. Were you really leaving because Sans was a racist prick, or were you simply running away from a situation? You never stayed in one place so long. You always drifted from job to job thanks to the reputation you had garnered for yourself. You had been forced from places thanks to your own absolutely terrible decisions and alcoholism.

This place was certainly a new start.

A new start that you didn’t want.

The terrible feelings were like vomit, and even though you knew that the vomit was best outside your body so that the poisons it contained wouldn’t hurt you, but you’d rather have the poison in your veins.

You shut your eyes and fought to ignore the stinging behind your eyelids.

* * *

 

The next morning you shuffled into the kitchen and began the long process of rifling through the pantry to find something quick and edible to eat. You eventually settled on pop tarts that you spied on one of the top shelves and reached for it while balancing precariously on your tiptoes, your fingers just scraping against the colorful cardboard. “Dammit, come on…”

You blinked as a large hand reached out, and dragged down the box of pop tarts. “YOU SHOULD BE MORE CAREFUL, LITTLE TEA MAKER. WHAT IF YOU FELL AND BROKE YOUR NECK? WE WOULDN’T HAVE YOU AROUND ANYMORE.”   
  
You twisted around and smiled slightly as Jaws handed you the box of pop tarts. “Thanks. I wouldn’t have fallen though or broken my neck.”

“HMMM….” He reached out and pat your head. “I DON’T THINK THAT IS THE CASE, BUT I AM HAPPY TO HELP YOU WHEN I CAN.”

You popped the box open, and handed him one of the packets, before taking out one of your own. “Here, go ahead and get some breakfast, hero guy.”

His face flushed a rusty orange, but he took the bit of food and exited the pantry. You put the box on the lower shelf before exiting as well. Jaws watched you with laser focus, but when you had finished your sweets he finally began to dig into his own. You tossed your trash into the recycling bin, before going into the fridge and getting a bottle of apple juice. You paused and turned back to look at Jaws. “You want anything?”

He nodded. “MILK, PLEASE.”

You took out the gallon of milk, and poured him some in a mug, before handing it to him. He snatched it from your fingers, and downed the entire thing in a single gulp. You shook your head, and popped the apple juice open and drank it at a far more relaxed pace. The two of you relaxed in silence for a few minutes, before a low peep sounded from the pocket of your skirt.

You pulled it out and read the new notification. “Oh, I’ve got another showing.”

“SHOWING?” Jaws watched you put your phone back in your pocket. “WHAT IS THAT?”

“I get to see an apartment,” You said. “I got approved for another one.”

Jaws’s eyebrow bones furrowed and he watched you toss your empty apple juice container into the recycling box. “YOU’RE LEAVING US? I THOUGHT YOU WERE HAPPY HERE. WITH US.”

You shrugged. “I was, but now I have enough money to move out and go somewhere that’s my own.”

“AN APARTMENT ISN’T YOUR OWN.”

“No, but it is going to be my own space,” You said. “Unless I get something like roommates or a partner. I miss having a space of my own.”

Jaws wrung at his hands, and his empty eye sockets seemed to glow just a hint with a rusted orange light that was so dim you almost missed it. “DO YOU NEED A SPACE OF YOUR OWN AND A PARTNER TO BE HAPPY?”

“I…” Did you really need a partner? You’re not sure, relationships have never been your strong suit. As for space… Well, you could appreciate space that didn’t result in people barging in on you, hearing yelling at all hours of the day, and having people bring you your bras because they somehow got mixed up in the laundry. “Yeah. It would make me very happy.”

Jaws nodded and ever so slowly you saw the eye lights fade out of his skull. “OKAY.”

You reached out and pat his arm. “I’ve gotta go to that showing, I’ll see you later, okay?”

Jaws nodded, his gaze averted from you as he stared at the tiled floor. You pat his arm a final time before going back downstairs to get your shoes and then bike the few miles over to the apartment complex that you had managed to find…

* * *

 

The apartment building was shoved between a boutique that had a fancy sign, and a small flower shop that was run by a cheerful looking tiger Monster. The apartment itself was made of brick, the windows were clean, and the balconies were all made from wrought iron that looked rather new.

You parked your bike and chained it up to the chrome bike rack, before going up the steps of the apartment building. You entered a clean lobby that had a neat desk, and a blonde woman typing away at a computer behind it. Shoved in a corner was a snack machine, and there were potted plants in the corners that were blooming pink flowers.

You went over to the desk, and the woman looked up immediately. “Hello, how may I help you?”

“Um, I have an appointment with the landlord for a showing?”

“Oh, just one moment.” She picked up a phone, and after a short conversation set it back down on its cradle. “She’ll be downstairs to see you in just one moment.”

“Thank you.”

You remained by the desk and fiddled with your phone for a few minutes before you heard a high pitched ding from down the hall. A few moments later a woman with tied back hair and large green eyes entered the room. She took one look at you, and her lips became a thin line. “I am sorry, but are you the person who was supposed to be getting a showing?”

“Yes.” You put your phone away and got off the desk. “My name is-”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t accept you as a tenant.”

“Excuse me?”

The woman made a ‘come hither’ motion with your finger, and with your heart beating against your ribs you followed her out into the hall. The linoleum here was clean, and all the doors had a fresh paint of dark blue paint. You could even see a door at the back of the hall that was clearly labeled ‘mail room’.

“Now,” Your gaze tore from the nice surroundings, and back to the woman that was crossing her arms over her chest. “Seeing as to how you probably saw enough pussy to drown a sailor, I doubt you remember me. However, I remember you quite a bit, Sweet Pea.”

The name stole the breath from your lungs and the warmth from your skin. “You were a client…”

The woman nodded. “Yes, so you can see why I can not have you living in my building. If anyone were to found out, rumors would spread and I would be in a position I don’t want to be in. You understand, don’t you?”

“...”

“Let me reiterate what I said. It has nothing to do with the color of your skin, your sexuality, your gender, or anything else,” she said. “I simply don’t want you leveraging my private information against me in the case your business is slow and you need to pay the rent. I've read enough horror stories, so I know not to fall into _that_ trap.”

You weren’t sure what to say to this woman. There was no broiling outrage stirring in your stomach, or icy words on the tip of your tongue. You could only stare at her as she checked her fancy digital watch before she mentioned having to go call the plumber, leaving you in the middle of that hallway with a hollow chest and stinging eyes.

This wasn’t the first time something like this had happened to you. Someone had told you they couldn’t help you in the grocery store before due to you blowing him in the middle of the same grocery store parking lot at least a dozen times. Another person had told you that they couldn’t be your uber driver because it would be too awkward after you riding him in his front seat once.

Being a whore had been social suicide for you.

Everyone had loved your services and had used you until you had nothing left to give. They hadn’t minded your touch and your stares when it benefited them, but now that they wanted to pretend their shit didn’t stink, and they could do no wrong? Well, suddenly you were a horrible human being that coerced them into a life of sin and debauchery. After all, _you_ were the one that wore the skimpy clothes, _you_ were the one that batted your eyes, and _you_ were the one that told your price.

It didn’t matter that _you_ were the one that often screamed no, that often got hit when you didn't agree to that sort of thing, that had to go to the doctor so many times because they lied to you when they said they were clean...

You had sex with a willing person, so you were the one in the wrong.

You took in a sharp breath, turned on your heel, and walked out of the apartment building. You shoved your hand into the pocket of your skirt, and pulled out your cell phone. You stared at the screen for a few moments, before swallowing thickly and pressing the number you had been avoiding since you went out yesterday. “Hey, Maverick. About that apartment, is it still open?"   
  
"Are you for real?" 

"Yeah, just had to think it over for a bit." You shifted next to your bike, leaning against the old handlebars. "I can send my deposit right now." 

Maverick gave a wet laugh and you knew he was using his chewing tobacco again. The thought of the faux peppermint smell and the bitter taste made your stomach churn. "Sure, I'll get the paper emailed to you. You'll be able to move in tomorrow if you can get them all signed by noon. Is that good for you?" 

"That's perfect."   
  
You heard typing in the background, and the quiet murmur of someone else with him on the other side of the line. The voice was soft and feminine, and your mind couldn't help but jump straight to one of his many working girls that was likely ditching a class in favor of blowing him for half price and a few joints. "Great! I'll see you in a few hours, Sweet Pea."   
  
You hung up without another word. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, things are beginning to wind up tight in this story. Jaws knows she's leaving, Edge is aware, and Reader is becoming a bit... off. Hopefully it doesn't result in corpses! 
> 
> You know what does result in corpses? My tumblr! http://nihilismpastry.tumblr.com/


	21. A Path...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> of poor choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore Level: None

The moment you got home you went down to your room and kicked off your shoes. You didn’t even bother putting them on the metal rack as you gathered up you went over to your bed, and pulled a backpack from up under it. You spent little time folding your clothes as small as possible, and putting your few outfits into the backpack. You also had just enough room for your toothbrush and toothpaste. 

Next was your game set up. You bit your lip as you stared at the devices and games stacked up next to the small TV. You’d need a few big boxes to gather up those and your gaming books. You’d also need some bubble wrap and a hellish amount of tape if you wanted to ensure anything staying where you put it. 

You twisted on the heel of your foot, and hurried up the stairs. When you ripped the door open, you stumbled back when you found Jaws staring down at you. He was hunched over, and he was playing with his gloved fingers. “Jaws, you scared me! I-I didn’t even hear you knock on the door…”

“MAY I ASK YOU A QUESTION?” 

“Yeah…”

“I WANT…” He reached out, and you found your hands snached up into his much larger ones. “I WANT YOU TO BE MY MATE. YOU SAID A PARTNER WOULD MAKE YOU HAPPY, AND I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. THEN YOU WON’T LEAVE US.” 

You stared up at him, your hands going slack in his own. You had gathered that Jaws cared about you, but you didn’t think it would be on such a level. Monster cared for others easily, or that’s what Blackberry had said. Yet you had never seen Jaws act particularly concerned about anyone outside his brother, and perhaps Papyrus on certain occasions. 

Jagged fingernails bit into your palms, and you pulled them out of Jaws’s hands. Despite his lack of eye lights, you had the distinct feeling he was watching your every move. You felt like the prey who only had one chance to escape the predator. 

“Don’t… Don’t say things like that lightly. I’m leave because I want to, not because I need a partner or anything else. I get it, Sans treats you all like prisoners and I’m the only outsider who ever makes an appearance,” You said. “But that doesn’t mean you use such low handed tactics to try and keep someone here.”

“THAT WAS NOT WHAT I WAS DOING. I PROMISE!” She flinched when she felt his piping hot magic against her, and felt desperation bleed into the very air around her. “I DOES IT SEEM THAT WAY? I SUPPOSE IT WOULD. I AM CLEVER, BUT I WOULDN’T USE YOU FOR MY OWN THINGS. I JUST WANT YOU HAPPY, LITTLE TEAMAKER. I WANT TO FEEL ALIVE.”

Crazed babbling on the cusp of insanity. That’s what Jaws’s words reminded you of, and you could only shake your head and back away. He didn’t care though as he took a step forward and entered your room. “L-leave me alone!”

Jaws flinched, and his sockets widened. For a moment the room was utterly silent, and the only thing you could hear was your heart hammering in your chest, and blooding pounding in your ears. Then there was a gentle crack, and magic poured into the room and lined the walls. You felt yourself floating in the tangerine mist, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to breathe or escape its hold. It was heavy and exhausting, but there was something mesmerizing about the shifting plumes that curled through the air. 

Jaws stared up at you with a pair of bright orange eye lights. His brow bones were furrowed, and he stood straighter than you ever saw him. “I SCARED YOU. I DIDN’T WANT TO, BUT I GUESS THAT’S AN UNAVOIDABLE TRUTH ABOUT ME, RIGHT?”

He reached out with a gloved hand, and cradled your cheek. “MY PERFECT HUMAN.” 

“P-please. Please let me go.”

“I WILL,” he said. “BUT FIRST YOU HAVE TO CALM DOWN. OKAY? I DON’T WANT ANYTHING BAD TO HAPPEN TO YOU EVER. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE OF ME.”

Magic pulsed through his bones, and you could feel your eyelids going heavy. As your vision blurred you heard a loud bang, and suddenly you were on the floor. You head swam, and you were seeing double as G and Sans entered the room. Inky black coils curled around Jaws, and Sans hurried over to you. 

“hey.” A hand cradled your cheek, and you leaned into his cold touch. “you okay? your soul ain’t shattered. guess that’s one thing…”

You blinked, and it took a moment for the room to stop spinning, and for there to only be one Sans. “W-what…”

“don’t worry ‘bout it,” he said. “gonna go lock this guy in his room and get this over with.”

You shook your head, and pushed Sans’s hand away from your face as you twisted around to lay on your side. He didn’t seem to get the hint, however, as his hand trailed along your shoulder and spine. His touch was gentle, and you could feel something warm and inviting as his fingers trailed down to your hip. “any of that hurt?” 

Your hips stung, and you were sure your spine popped when you smacked onto the bedroom floor. However, it was your heart that clenched and throbbed as you felt Sans’s gentle gestures, and heard the concern bleeding into his typically relaxed, if not deadpan, tone. 

_ It hurt. _

_ You hated it.  _

**_It hurt._ **

Feeble hands pushed him away once again, and brought your knees up to your chest, and rest your forehead against them. You shut your eyes, and do your best to ignore Sans as he nudges you once more. “hey, human?”

You heard low footsteps, before they stopped only centimeters next to your head. Metal jangled, and cloth shifted before you could smell something floral, soft, and the harsh smoke of cigarettes alongside it. “Sans, she’s not going to listen.”

“how the hell do you know?” 

“I always know.” 

A loud banging at the door, and more footsteps echoed through the room. You felt your heart lurch, and before you knew it you no longer felt the carpet against your skin, or Sans’s boney fingers either. When you opened your eyes you were hovering next to Addict, who’s eye sockets were narrowed. “don’t.”

Sans stood up and stuck his hands in his pockets. His smile was as relaxed as it always was, and his tone was that same deadpan almost joking manner that always seemed to plague him. “nothing’s wrong. why’re you freaking out like that?” 

“everyone can hear her soul screaming from upstairs,” Addict said. “Get your shit together. you don’t touch her.”

For a brief moment, all you saw was a flash of blue, and your eyes hurt so much, but it calmed as soon as it came. As you blinked away the tears that had gathered Sans merely shrugged and knelt down next to Jaws. He was still restrained by the black tentacles, and Sans began working at stripping Jaws’ gloves away. 

The skeleton’s long fingers only numbered three to his left hand, and his middle finger on his right hand was missing. The ones that remained looked burnt beyond belief, and you were becoming ill just looking at them. 

“S-Sans,” you said. “What are you doing? You didn’t do that, did you?”    


Addict covered your eyes with a gloved hand. “don’t worry ‘bout it, human.” 

“Don’t worry?” You felt your words tangle in your throat, and they only came out as a hoarse whisper. 

You felt something soft and eerie flit across your skin. It was like walking alone through a forest on the night of the full moon. Buried under it was something warm and lulling, and before you knew it your limbs became heavy and cold, and your head pressed against Addict’s collarbone as you drifted off into a web of nightmares. 

* * *

You awoke to the smell of burnt leaves and something like rain. You opened your eyes and found yourself staring at a plain ceiling. It was dingy though, and you had to wonder if the owner of the place smoked. You press a hand against the blankets you were wrapped up in, and with a bit of effort managed to sit up.

The room you found yourself in was clean. In fact, it was painfully clean. Books were stacked neatly at a walnut desk, the chair was pushed in, and the pens were all facing downwards in the skull shaped mug on the desk. Even the clothes in the laundry hamper were all folded despite the stains on them. If the bed wasn’t a mess thanks to you laying in it, you were sure it would be neatly made. 

You swing your legs over the bed, and the moment you do the door slams open. Red walk in with a cigar between his teeth, and a lighter in his hand. He pauses in the doorway upon seeing you, before he shuts the door behind him. “got feelin’ in ya limbs?” 

“Y-yeah.”

He sits on the bed next to you and lights up his cigar. The sultry smelling smoke is almost calming. “how’s ya chest feel?” 

“Normal?” 

“that don’t tell me shit.” He used magic to bring a plain circular ashtray over from the desk and to his lap. The bit of chrome looked clean, and you wonder if Red had ever used it before now. “Is it beatin’ fast? ya feel like ya can’t breathe?” 

You shook your head. “It feels normal. Why? D-did something happen with Addict?” 

Red shook his head, and tapped his cigar over the ashtray. “no. just checking in on you. We've got a pretty firm no dead human policy goin’ on, yeah.” Red smoke curled out of his eye sockets, and brushed against the ceiling. “if addict did somethin’ to ya then speak up.”

You shook your head. “I don't know if he did anything. I don’t even know why I’m in this room.” 

“well, sugartits,” he said. “you’re in my room because i’m the only one who could take care of you if something was wrong. no one else in the house understands humans and their souls the way i do.”

“Oh…” You fought the urge to pop at your fingers. “Thanks…”

“it’s my job.”

The two of you sat in silence for several long moments. You watched the smoke curl and dance in the air, before it clung to the ceiling. Before long a cloud of sorts had formed, and the red could almost be mistaken for lightning. “Hey, what happened to Jaws? Is he okay?” 

“he’s fine. got sent to his room like a naughty kid.” More smoke joined the cloud. “why?”

“Sans and G, they were going to do something to him,” You said. “I think it’s because he was going to do something to me. I don’t know.” Your fingers curled around the black blanket in your lap. “You all are treated so horribly. J-Jaws even… He even said he loved me. He’s that starved for love and attention! It’s horrible.”

“so what?”   


“What do you mean ‘so what’ ?” 

“don’t mean to be the bearer of bad news, but ya kind movin’ outta the house,” he said. “it doesn’t really matter what you think how this house works right now. ya ain’t invested in it. so why worry?” 

She could laugh it off and agree with Red. It was so very true. You had lost your right to be invested in their well being when you decided to move out. It was none of your business what happened to them. Hell, you weren’t even friends with most of them. Your mind drifted back to that frigid animosity they had given you back when you first entered the house, and a shudder crawled down your spine. 

_ They could have killed you that day.  _

Your gaze snaps up from the blanket and to Red as he spoke. “if you’re feelin’ better, ya should get outta my room and get somethin’ to eat.” 

“How long was I out?” 

Red held up a finger and shoved a hand in his pocket. He then held it out to you to show you  a gold watch that had a black face and gold accents. “six hours.” 

“I lost the entire day?” You pushed back your hair and shook your head. “Magic is one hell of a drug.”

“eh, wasn’t addict’s magic,” Red said. “was ya body. you’re exhausted. ya need water, rest, and keep ya nose outta the shit the bastard puts ya through.” 

“Jaws did a number on me, but he’s not a bastard-” 

“sans.” His bored tone became sharp. “ya need to stop lettin’ him get under ya skin’s all.” He shoved his watch back into the pocket of his coat. “ya don’t wanna be like me. gettin' old quick is a bitch.”

You hummed and watched him snuff out his cigar. He then holds the ashtray over a black trash can, and dumps it out before setting it back on the desk. Once his magic fizzed out, he stood up and shoved his hands into the pockets of his shorts. 

This skeleton was such a strange one. He spoke harshly, but he always handed out advice like it was candy. He dressed in a slovenly manner, but his room was painfully clean. He knew something or another about health, and yet he chose to smoke cigars. And to top it all off…

“Red?”

“what?”

You played with the blanket again, picking at the seams. “Why do you tell me how I shouldn’t care, but you’re still looking after my health and feelings right now?”

He stared at you for a long moment, and you could see his eye lights roaming around the room before they settled on you once more. “i’m a dumb fuck,” he said. “looks like it runs in the family.”

“Being nice isn’t…” You paused and tried to gather your jumble of thoughts. “It doesn’t make us stupid or nosey for caring. Even if we don’t have a good reason for doing it.” 

Silence reigned supreme. You swore you could hear Red’s bones creak and shift as you both stared at each other, before his mouth creaked open and his shoulders shook. What started as quiet snickering became full blown laughter. He shook his head, and leaned back on his heels as he stared at you. 

“oh, boss is right ‘bout you,” he said. “ya really don’t know jack shit. it’d be cute if it didn’t piss me off so damn much.” 

You flinched back as Red took a step towards you. He wasn’t the tallest skeleton by a long shot but with his manic grin, massive fangs, and sheer size you knew he was able to break you in half without even trying. 

Your skin jumped when you felt him grab your hand and yank you up onto your numb feet. The sharp stab of pins and needles was hardly enough to distract you from the tight grip digging into your soft skin. You weren’t sure if tugging back was a good idea, or one that would render that hand on the floor and blood splattered all over the clean room…

“ya got every single damn skeleton in this house head over heels for ya. ya scent coats the walls more than the lead paint.” He leaned down, and his nasal cavity nearly brushed against your nose. “it ain’t natural. souls don’t calibrate like that. not on this scale. i hate it. i hate that i let my guard down. i hate that i’m the only fucker askin’  **why** .”

“H-human souls don’t have magic-!”

“i know that. you know that. every monster ever hatched knows that,” he said. “ya ain’t usin’ magic, sugar tits. that’s what pisses me off ‘bout this. hell, ya ain’t even a determination soul. ya another anomaly.” You felt breath fill your stinging lungs when he let go of you. “but that doesn’t matter, huh? you’re leavin’ and that’s all that matters.”

You watched him stick his hands in the pockets of his coat, and he took out a cigar. Magic sliced the tip off, and chucked it into the trash bin, before a snap of his fingers ignited it with red flames. The cigar burned brighter this time, and the smoke for it was as black as pitch. You got the distinct feeling this was a different type of cigar when you saw his eye sockets flare with light. 

“Are… Are you saying I shouldn’t go?” 

Smoke billowed out of his nasal cavity. “i have no fucking clue, human. shit was always bad here, but it’s gotten worse since you showed up. that ain’t the point though. point’s that ya gotta decide to leave us behind or not. can’t play on the fence,” he said. “not unless ya want jaws to hunt you down.” 

“...”

“didn’t think so.” Magic ripped open the door to his bedroom. “now go eat. don’t need you fainting on my floor.” 

You shuffled out of the room and into the dark hallway without another word. The door shut behind you, and your world was engulfed by darkness. You didn’t hear the usual chatter from the other floors of the house, or see any lights on either. It was as silent as a grave, and all the dead were neatly set in their coffins. 

You curled your arms around your chest, and slowly made your way downstairs. Once you made it to the living room, you slowly sat down on the couch. It creaked in protest under your weight, but it was ignored as you leaned back and stared up into the darkness. It shifted and swirled overhead, and you swore it only grew darker the longer you stared at it unblinkingly. 

How could darkness possibly get darker? 

Perhaps the same way that Monsters could manage to become overly attached to a stranger. Or how a Monster could hate you in one breath, and then suddenly decide that you were worth saving and cradling the next moment. How a Monster had claimed you needed to not worry about them, but all he ever did was come to your rescue when you managed to sink yourself into a sorry and even dangerous position? 

Your eyes flutter shut, and you embrace the peace that could only be found in that crux between being asleep and awake for several moments, before more thoughts dragged themselves up to the surface. All of them unbidden. All of them making your stomach twist in acid filled knots. 

Golden flowers and vines danced on the edge of your memory, and you remembered the offer that G had made you. Knowing the future would have answered any question you had, even when you didn’t realize you so desperately craved them at the time. Perhaps even given you something to arm yourself within this shitty scenario. 

_ “Maybe not force you to face Maverick.” _ Your thoughts whispered. “ _ Maybe not even remind you about what a horrid bit of filth you are. That you allowed yourself to be. That you  _ **_chose_ ** _ to be. _ ”

Your eyes snap open, and you push yourself up so quickly your head began to spin. You fought down the wave of nausea that burned your throat, and when the world finally calmed, you made your way back down to the basement. You ripped open the door, and you found your room exactly as you left it. Clothes bulging against the thin cloth of your backpack, games in a half assed pile beside your game systems, and your phone on the floor. If you didn't have memories of it happening, you wouldn't have even known that Jaws had done something strange and chaos had ensued afterward. 

It was all like a dream, or some horrific nightmare, that you were awake for because it just didn't blend well with reality. G had never come to the house before, Sans had been avoiding you like the plague, Jaws was typically rather sweet towards you, and Addict had acted rationally for once... And yes, Red had given you life advice like he always did, you never saw him break his cool like he did just a thirty minutes before. Nothing about the situation had patterned situations that had gone on in the house recently. Yet you couldn't deny the reality of what had happened...

The bruises on your hand stung, and Jaws's gloves were left on the floor. 

You stared at them for a long moment before kneeling down and picking them up with gentle fingers. You padded out of the basement and into the kitchen. You set the gloves on the kitchen table and made your way back down to the basement. Your phone glowed like a safety light in the darkness, and like a curious moth, you made your way over to it. You stared at the notifications that buzzed across the screen, all of them from G, and all of them typed up in edgy and demented emojis. At the end of the last message though was a bright golden flower. It burned your eyes to look at, and you could feel warms tears dripping on your hands. 

_You could know the truth._

_You could arm yourself for the future._

_You could stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something._

_Stop being so pathetic._

You tapped on the notifications, and once it was highlighted orange, you then pressed G's contact information. It lit up the same bright shade of orange before you pressed the blue trashcan sitting next to the enter button.

**Are you sure?**

The message floated on the screen in a blaze of pale blue. It wasn't like you could remember the places G worked, and you didn't take the time to memorize his number. There really was no regaining such a perfect opportunity. A chance to fix all of your mistakes and then some, to rebuild bridges, to stop going down this damn path of self destruction that you were barreling towards at full speed...  
  
Maybe even reset. 

You tapped yes, and watched all of the information get shoved in the trashcan. In seconds it was all gone with a smiling face icon and digital confetti congratulating you with your successful baggage dump. You tossed the phone back on the bed, and after a few moments the light shut off. You were submerged into the cold darkness once more, and you had never felt more alone. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has to get worse before it gets better. Believe it or not, some progress was made this chapter. Kinda. 
> 
> Know what kinda never has progress? My tumblr~! http://nihilismpastry.tumblr.com/

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a very self indulgent fic. In fact, it probably the most self indulgent thing I've ever written, because what Reader is doing is basically what I would do in these situations. I'm also an herbalist, and I've also gotten confused for a pot dealer before. (A lot actually.) But this will be a romantic horror-comedy, because why the hell not. I love comedy, and horror is basically my business. So strap in, because there's gonna be lots of death defying smooches. 
> 
> Know what doesn't smooch? My tumblr! http://nihilismpastry.tumblr.com/

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Dead Fun](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11716449) by [Knight-Shy (Miss_Awkward)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Awkward/pseuds/Knight-Shy)




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